I'm going to be alone my whole life...

U mite just wanna let more of ur friends know ur gay. May b some of them know other guys who u mite like. Thats kinda what happened to me a while back.

 

When I'm down, I've felt like this too. What helps me is exercising, making myself a better person. Getting in shape has really changed my life for the better, and I'd suggest anyone down with themselves try it.

/end rantish thing.

You're still young (as am I), and I'm sure that as life progresses, both of us will find that special someone, no matter our sexual orientation. Until then, let's just keep dreaming of Chad Michael Murray... err maybe that's just me

If you ever need someone who's been there, though, hit me up. I don't really know what else to say here.

 

It's like feeling alone in a room full of friends isn't it? You know that you are different. They can find someone they like and go after them, survive any heartbreak, and bounce back. They are pretty much guaranteed that if they hit on someone, they will get a response other than disgust...

That is how I feel alot. I am too afraid to be open in trying to meet people in case I should- Gulp- hit on a straight person. I am afraid of disgusting people, and potentially solidifying a negitive gay stereotype in their minds. So I wait...

Probabily not the most helpful post, but at least know that you aren't alone. It is definately on my mind alot too. Keep your chin up! You will find your prince someday

 

belive me, there are straight-acting gay guys out there.. you just dont see them as much as the 'fab' ones that stand out of the crowd as much... plus most gay guys in there teens are still in the closet...
you wont be alone your whole life, it just feels that way now.

 

boarder25 .......... try not to worry about this so much. Believe me as you get older, things are going to be much different for you. There are alot of places besides gay bars to meet other gays. You can meet people by just getting involved in advocacy groups and you can be doing something good at the same time. Do you have a gay-straight alliance at your school? That is also a great place to get involved! In my work that I do, I have met many, many people who I would have never perceived as being gay. Just live your life openly and you will find that special someone.

 

(*hug*)

I know how you feel. It Sucks

 

I can completely relate to what you are saying. I don't exactly find girls that "look gay" attractive (sorry to anybody offended by that I know it sounds kind of bad) and its hard to tell if a girl is gay or not if she doesn't "look" like she is. I often think I am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life.

 

That was the first thing I thought about when I came out, that I would be alone and I still am. I would give anything to meet someone

Its not a good feeling....

 

I have bemoaned the following for over a year:
I am single.
I do not know any other Hispanic lesbians. Many Hispanics are (Roman) Catholics and I myself go to the Father's house on Sundays and listen to the sermons.

I am eighteen. I'll meet someone. The woman I want to marry is out there somewhere, I just haven't found her yet. I feel really lonely and I'm talking about it more and more. You are fifteen. You, too, will meet someone. It just might take (over a year) awhile. Good luck.

 

It’s a pretty sobering thought that has gone through my head over and over again, I’m not in anyway flamboyant and I don’t find it to be my speed so I’m stuck not knowing who to hit on and who is hitting on me (I’m a bit naive so I never know when I’m getting hit on) so I’ve actual come to terms with signal life sad but true.

 

I'd have to agree with just about everyone else on this thread. I feel like I'll be alone the rest of my life too, I'm also a little older than you are so that makes it a little more worrying.

I think what Tinkerbell said was true, the person you are looking for is out there it just might take some time to find them. I'm not a patient person and I hate waiting, but if its worth the wait (which it should be) then I guess I'll wait until I find the right person.

The problem is finding that person when, like you said, you are not flamboyant or apparently gay. My cousin sounds a lot like you in that he is also not noticably gay, but he's in his 30's and has found someone he has been in a relationship with for about 5-6 years. So that gives me hope that I'll eventually find someone too, hopefully that helps you too. And I'm sure you're sick of hearing this, but you are young still so give it some time.

 

Can I wade in here...?

I know you don't want to hear it, but you ARE young, and have lots of time ahead of you to find that someone. My gosh, I lucked out and found a wonderful hetrosexual woman to marry without trying all that hard - and I wasn't trying because apparently I was gay and didn't know it! I was 25 when we were introduced, and 27 when we got married. I'd never had a serious relationship before that.

Now, at 36, I'm really 'finding' myself and discovering that I'm a real catch! (Not to sound imodest... :icon_redf ) Without ever stepping foot in a gay bar or being 'out' I've met a number of other gay guys around my age. How? Well, yes, I have used online personals. But if you're honest about what you're looking for, or respond to the ones where the other person appears to be honest, then there's a chance.

As Becky suggested, get involved in a group of some kind. I attended a 'Gay Fathers of Toronto' support group meeting for the first time last week. Not that I was going to meet anyone there, but they were saying that they usually go to a (fairly low key) local restaurant in the gay district after the meetings to sociallize. I'd never go even there on my own, but I look forward to going with them some time to check it out.

At the same meeting I learned about another gay social group in Toronto called 'Out and Out' which organizes all kinds of sports, outdoor and indoor activities, and social events, for the gay and lesbian communities in Toronto. There may be one of these where you live. Either to participate in now, or at least when you're a bit older.

So there ARE alternatives to gay bars. Don't lose hope.

At the same time, don't hesitate to share your fears and concerns here, because that what this forum is for! (*hug*)

 

I think you'll find the person eventually. Take a look at myself. I'm the Typical Soldier stereotype (I'm in the Army): Rough around the edges, not afraid to get dirty, and gay is the last word you'd use to describe me, yet I am. You wouldn't take a second though at me being gay. Thats the hard part about straight acting gay people, is that they're not easy to spot.

Honestly, I'd try going to social activities. College campuses usually have a GLBT meeting at least once a week, I know mine used to, and often time's they'll even have resource centers directed just at gay/lesbian/bi/trans people. In fact, I WISH I had gone to many of these functions back when I was at college, it May have stopped me from making choices in my life that I strongly regret now (Military, for one. I'm proud to serve, but the policies towards gay people really is a shame, and irritates me).

Personally, I really don't have a problem finding people, but the flamboyant people are somewhat of a turn on for me, and some of them have found the seemingly-straight personality of mine quite a turn on. Queer eye for the straight guy is something I enjoy, often time's I've had them take me out shopping for clothing, because I have no fashion sense. But whatever, I'm confident you'll find the right person for you eventually. Don't be afraid to go to social functions, many there will be just like you.

 

LOL! I'm in the same boat. My wife always did my shopping - because I'm CLUELESS! I'll need to find myself a new 'personal shopper'.

(btw - I've actually been to Watertown NY! Nice town from what I remember.)

 

dont give up so easily, your whole life is a long time. I was out just 2 weeks and I found a great guy who is straight acting and very good looking (and intelligent, interesting etc., perfect) they are out there but you have to keep an open mind

 

I think it's kinda sad that no one's really questioned the underlying assumptions in this initial post. Because seriously, if you actually feel like that, no WONDER you think you're tragically destined to be alone! I think if you threw out some of your stereotypes and assumptions you'd find the future looks a LOT rosier than the one you're currently painting.

Okay, first off: if you need to start a statement with a disclaimer like this, chances are you should sit back, rethink what you're trying to say, and revise revise revise. It's basically the same as starting off with, "I don't mean to be mean but..." or "I'm not trying to be a jerk but..." Lots of people do this--I know I have. Basically you'll be a lot more happy with what comes out of your mouth if you listen to what you're saying... if you start off warning people they might be offended by what you're gonna say, chances are good that what you're saying is gonna be offensive.

Okay this has been noted before in this thread but at 15 you really have not met even close to half of the range of people you're going to meet throughout your life. That's not patronisation--that's just a facet of having so few years under your belt. The longer you live, the more people you meet, and the more chances you'll find yourself in new and unfamiliar situations.

But I guess I will ask what no one else seems to have thought to: why don't you like the gay stereotype? What is it about it that bugs you? Why is it that you think it's the predominant way that gay guys act? I mean you even label it a stereotype, which with most people means they've realised it's a fiction, and yet you're treating it like it's hard, cold, inescapable fact, right?

Really? Never EVER until the end of time? So you don't think your opinions might change or shift as you get older?

I think "never say never" is probably a good motto to live by. I know my father always used to insist I would think or feel a certain way "when I was older." He was wrong--but maybe what he was more trying to get at is that people do change as they progress through life. I was really politically conservative in my teens and now I'm very, very liberal... I'm sure if you'd asked me when I was 18 if I would ever have a threesome with 2 other guys I would have said "No WAY!" But I have. And there are a zillion other examples of (usually less graphic *grin*) things that I would never have seen myself doing when I was younger that I have done and quite enjoyed. Like... oh, riding rollercoasters, watching horror films, getting drunk, dancing at a club... I'm not saying you're definitely going to find yourself attracted to someone really flamey but I think it's silly to claim that you for sure NEVER will. Keep an open mind.

No, they're totally not non-existent--they're just hard to spot. But if you don't advertise you being gay a bit, you are right that they might be hard to find. But I think you're having trouble seeing beyond the high school environment--it is definitely harder to find gay guys in high school because people are still sorting themselves out. But that doesn't mean you're doomed to loneliness your whole life. Think bigger picture!

Okay, now that's just plain incorrect. Are you honestly saying you think everyone in a gay bar is HIV+? Yeah, you need to be concerned about being safe but if HIV were really that prevalent, a lot of us here wouldn't be around for you to talk to. It's not like the infection rate is skyrocketing out of control among gay men in the Western world. It's there, sure, but it's not EVERYWHERE!

I go to gay bars semi-regularly with a lot of my friends, and I know others who go, and since I know dozens of people and only 1 or 2 who are HIV+, I can say that, in my own experience at least, very very few people you'll find at a gay bar are HIV+. It's not like gay bars are only frequented by desperate people who are also HIV+. Maybe it's easy to get that impression but it's a really skewed one.

And I know this might be a shocking revelation but you CAN actually have sex with someone who is HIV+ and not. get. infected. That's why they call it safe(r) sex. So even if you happened upon someone who was HIV+, unless you're performing some very foolhardy sexual acts, you're going to be fine.

Now there are a lot of other features of gay bars that make them not all people's cups of tea but really, I think you can let go of your HIV infection fears around them. Some people actually do go just to have fun and lots of people are looking for more than a one-night stand. I know this because the bulk of my friends who go are not there just with one thing on their minds. (Not to say it's totally off their radar but it's not the primary reason they're going out.)

Well, I will give you that because they seem pretty fake to me, but again, I know of anecdotes that prove us both wrong. But I don't know what sites you've been on because I think probably the primary way non-obviously gay people hook up is online, so I would guess way more butch gay guys are using online dating sites.

I don't think you should let yourself be discouraged. You're putting a lot more faith in narrow stereotypes than you ought to be. If you're only looking for negatives, the chances are that's all you'll see. You have to be willing to let life and people surprise you because it's very, very cool when it happens. Maybe the coolest thing ever. But it doesn't ever happen if you decide you know how everything works beforehand.

 

well i have been in ur suation as well....and i kinda no what u are going thro....but honestly i dont think u shuld give up cause all it will do is give u no hope in life and then u will most defintly not find someone right for u...but there is someone out there for u.....and all u have to do is let them find u....i no it sounds like it wont wrk but it did for me...... ....no one really nos who is gay or bi or straight because they arnt postive there selves.....but it will happen for u one day i no it will.....so dont give up quite yet ok...

kim