There's this guy. He has a thing for me. I already told him I'm not interested. But he WON'T GIVE UP. It all started about a year ago (before I realized I was gay). He started talking to me all the time. He asked for my phone number and, thinking it was just an innocent gesture of friendship, I gave it to him. That was before I knew him very well. Unfortunately at this stage, a lot of the stuff that happened was my fault. I gave him my number. I hung out with him. I acted somewhat interested. This was all before I realized how obnoxious and clingy he is. Then the badness started. He started texting me all the time. At least once a day. He would call me at least twice a week and guilt trip me every time I didn't answer or didn't call him back. When I finally got around to talking to him on the phone, he went into full love-confession mode, telling me he thought I was really cute and he wanted to go out with me. I told him that right now I just wasn't interested in dating and wanted to just be friends. Did this faze him? No. Not long after, he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him after school. I told him that I was sorry, but I really just wasn't comfortable with that and wanted to get to know him better before hanging out with him. He didn't approve of this, and started sending guilt trips at me, asking why I was so paranoid and what I expected to happen. I told him I was just flat-out uncomfortable with the idea (why isn't that a good enough answer, huh?) but he persisted, making me feel like I was some sort of antisocial weirdo for not wanting to hang out (as he put it) "as friends." So I eventually gave in to my self-consciousness said sure, whatever, I would hang out with him. (Stupid, stupid, STUPID!) So I started to make up what were in his eyes "acceptable" excuses, like that I had to go see my grandmother or had to stay home doing chores every time he'd offer to hang out. You'd think this would give him a hint. But of course not. That was when things started getting even weirder. He found out where I live. He even walked down to my house to make sure he had the right one. He took to calling me pet names, like "baby" and "sweetie." So that was when I decided enough was enough, that I was just going to cut off contact with him for good. I stopped responding to his text messages, never answered his calls, basically gave him the cold shoulder. I've even stopped using MySpace (I use Facebook now) because he wouldn't stop messaging me on there. This has been going on for (*counts*) about four months. And guess what? He still. Hasn't. Given. Up. I still get texts from him every once in a while. I still feel the need to dart out of sight of the window every time the doorbell rings (oh yeah, did I mention he lives right down the street and has actually told me he's going to come over to my house by himself because I won't agree to meet up with him?). It's almost like I'm afraid of him. But see, here's the biggest problem: school starts up again in two weeks, and I'm terrified that he's going to be in some of my classes. I've actually had nightmares about it. If he is, I know he's going to try to give me the puppy eyes and ask why I haven't been hanging out with him and start up with his uberclingy behavior all over again. Urgh I JUST WANT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE. And I know I'm being an idiot. I know I should just tell him face to face that I AM NOT INTERESTED AND PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. But I know that if I do he'll go straight into guilt trip/"you're an antisocial weirdo" mode and act completely innocent. He'll try to say that I'm crazy, that he just wants to be my friend and why am I acting so weird? And of course I could always just come out to him, but I get the feeling THAT would only make things worse. I'm almost positive that the first thing that comes to his mind at the word "lesbian" is porn, and that I'm only saying it to play hard-to-get and am somehow hinting at some sort of girl-girl-guy threesome with him. I'm serious. He's THAT set on getting into my pants. It doesn't matter what I say to him, he'll only either accept it as A) I'm crazy and/or B) I'm secretly in love with him and just haven't realized it yet. PLEASE. SOMEONE. Tell me what to do to get this guy to stop pursuing me. I just can't stand it anymore.
He sounds dangerous. =\ You've done all you can do, you've cut off contact and told him you're not interested. I'd suggest if you are in the same classes to go to your guidance counsellor and ask him/her that you be changed into different classes cause you've had serious problems with this student. If harassment pursues i'd get some sort of authority involved. This is really scary and very unacceptable. I hope nothing bad happens (*hug*)
I'd get a BIG guy friend to have a "talk" with him! Either that,get a restraining order. This guy is obsessed and he needs to be stopped before something bad happens. Judges don't like "stalkers". If it continues,you need to do something drastic. Don't wait too long,okay? Stay safe and always let someone know where you're going and keep a cell phone with you,at all times.
I had a friend like this, except she wasn't trying to date me. If you're afraid that he'll make you feel guilty when you tell him how you feel, then you should try to tell him in such a way that he can't respond right to your face. Write him a letter, or send him an email. Be frank, and say what you mean. I know that your "excuses" should give him the hint, but chance are he believed that you were visiting your grandmother and didn't realize you just didn't want to see him. Try telling him that you don't want to date him and have no interest in him. Tell him to look somewhere else for a girlfriend. It's not your job to go along with whatever he tells you. He's being selfish when he pushes for you to hang out together. Apologize if you led him on in any way, because you didn't mean to and don't like him. And if you end up in a class together, and he comes over to you, just turn and walk away. If he follows you, tell him to leave you alone. If he grabs your shoulder, shout at him to let go of you. Just be firm in your actions and words. Don't give him a chance to latch on to.
Okay,maybe I sound panicky,but I know where this can go,if not dealt with right away. Of course you need to try & tell him how you do & don't feel. My post was just in case he doesn't listen and continues to bother you.
Yes, a standard guy would get the hint. He ain't gonna. So stop hinting. Block his phone number. Block his myspace profile. Block his facebook profile. If he comes to the door, say - verbatim - "I'm really not interested in having you in my life. I'm sorry." Close door. Repeat if necessary. If he talk to you on the street, or in school, say - verbatim - "I'm really not interested in having you in my life. I'm sorry." Walk away. Repeat if necessary. If he demands an explanation, say - verbatim - "I'm really not interested in having you in my life. I'm sorry." You owe him nothing else. Give him nothing else. Lex
yeh just tell your parents, tell someone at school, if u have some mates that might be willing to warn him off then try that, and just completely block off all contact, just make sure the people around you know and they can look out for you, tbh from what u said he sounds a bit obsessed/stalkerish so i'd tell someone and even if it does sound extreme switch classes etc. i hope he gets the point eventually because this sounds pretty bad for you
You missed one important step. Sure, you've cut off communication, you've ignored his messages, et cetera. Did you actually TELL him that you don't want to hang out with him anymore? From what I read in your post, I don't think you did. Stop hinting around and ignoring him. It's damn annoying and insulting, and he's obviously thinking that you're still friends on some level. If you don't want to hang out with him, then tell him and be done with it.
The guy is obviously both clueless and manipulative. Don't give in to any of the guilt trips or other manipulations. Just say you're not interested, and flatly ignore everything else he says. If necessary, when he pulls you the guilt/you're weird card, just keep politely repeating "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested, and that isn't going to change." If things continue you can add "And I'm really sorry, but if you don't stop, I'll have to call the police and file a restraining order. I'm serious. Leave me alone." If you still have a problem, ask your parents for help and DO call the police. It's possible there is a genuine mental health issue going on for him. I wouldn't give in even slightly to any further demands because it becomes harder to extinguish the negative behaviors when you give even the slightest reinforcement.
