i'm feeling suicidal

When you hit those deep dark lows and your mind is consumed by thoughts of wanting to end it all try calling Samaritans for confidential support. The helpline is manned day and night by trained volunteers and you will not be judged, criticised or told what to do, think or feel. Millions of people contact Samaritans every year to talk about their worries and feelings - they are very well respected and trusted. If you are not sure, check out their website - Samaritans | Samaritans You can call even if you are not suicidal, but feel upset or low.

If you can't talk on the phone you can visit a local Samaritans centre for face to face support or email or text. Telephone support is the most immediate way of obtaining help though. It's all on the website, so take a look.

Hope you can find a way through this. Don't suffer in silence and remember we are here for you too.

 

Thanks, I have called them a few times before and one lady was so helpful. But then another time, I was feeling this way and I got a referral to the crisis team and they said don't use Samaritans. They aren't trained counsellors :confused2: They told me to ring focusline. To be honest, I'm through with them all. Very few people have shown me any compassion outside the LGBT community.

 

I'm surprised you was told not to contat Samaritans as the NHS actually signposts people to the charity for help and support, especially people who are despairing and suicidal. I'm not doubting you at all, but what you were told seems so at odds with national mental health guidance?

I'm pleased you find compassion within the LGBT community though - I guess the intimate knowledge and understanding makes all the difference when you are feeling so low.

Be strong and keep sharing it all. (*hug*)

 

This last 24 hours has taught me a lot. Yes, I've been feeling suicidal yet again, but when I get such support from EC it means a lot and it gives me the strength to pick myself up and keep fighting. Each time I go through these really low moods, I come out the other side feeling stronger and fighting harder. Finally, I am starting to feel some pride and I'm also so proud of how you have all supported me through this. We are a strong bunch of people. In fact, I've never come across anyone in real life with such determination as I see here. So thank you. Thank you for supporting me and thank you for showing me what a wonderful community this is.(&&&)

 

Your mom is emotionally abusive, and manipulative. She exhibits sociopathic tendencies in her behavior, as clearly shown by her sick manipulation of your feelings. She doesn't care about how you feel, only how she feels. "Oh look, there's a perfectly loving family that you'd be so happy in", the only way she'd say something like that, without adding that she's going to take steps to improve her own behaviour, is if she was totally emotionally absent from your life.

The most important thing here, is to know that your happiness doesn't belong to your mother, but belongs to you.

It sounds like you're going to really have to distance yourself from your mother, and start to make your own life.

 

That's me apparently. I'm the one who doesn't care how she feels, only how I feel. That's what she is always telling me. She says I don't allow her to have feelings.

 

My parents said they are "okay with" me being "gay or bisexual" *shudders* but not anything else. It took me nearly a century to convince my mother that I am asexual; "I don't float like that."

For a genderfluid person, it is hard. I want these binders and clothes and things that I not only cannot afford, but that my mother refuses to let me have. I said that she had made a commitment to accept me and she told me that she committed to "having a X".

On the other side, as far as my autism goes, my mother is always saying that I care for no one but myself. Therein lies the problem, my friend. We care about too many people to worry about ourselves, and then the things we do seem selfish at the end of the day. I spend my time working on my family's issues (we have long suffered periods of abuse, drug use, and alcoholism, as well as theft and hospitalizations). They cannot seem to see that I am doing all I can for them.

So, when I take some time for myself when the Sun goes down, I am deemed "selfish" because I spent my school day worrying about people who do not even care for me in the same fashion.

I am very happy that I am able to find people like you, anonym. You have such valuable insight and too much worth to exit this world just yet. Believe me when I say this, for I have been there many times. I was there years ago, months ago--yesterday. But I would never go through with it, because I know that I have to "show them up". I have to be the one that makes it through all right. And you? You'll make one Heck of a man, anonym. Keep fighting that fight, because, in the end, you are able to become so much more than what you think right now.

 

Yes, it's not like I haven't tried to help my mum. I know she is unhappy with her life but I can't take the weight of that on my shoulders as she once expected me to. Before I realized I was trans, I was the one that was supposed to bail her out. Even though my mum now says that she's sad I'll never have a husband and have children, I never really felt that was what was expected of me anyway. She would often say, 'Oh, you're not the type to marry or have children.' In a way, this was kind of hurtful because it made me feel like I was deficient in some way and not capable of being a partner or a parent. So I wrote myself off in that department. Instead I went along with this idea I'd be a career-orientated person and my mum hoped that when I left home, she could come with me and I'd be able to support the two of us financially so at last she'd be able to escape her miserable marriage. I felt this was my duty and never really wanted anything for myself other than to make my mum happy. My brother and sister seemed to be able to do this effortlessly by just being themselves whereas I never could. I had to be the dutiful daughter. I was so close to her I was stifled and the sad thing is I didn't even realize it. Going against her wishes and not putting everyone else's needs before my own made me feel like a bad and evil person. Basically, I lived for other people. I did what they wanted and expected. I put everyone first before myself. My mum claims that it is her that sacrifices everything for her family. She can't even see that I have suppressed who I am all these years, just to make her happy because that was the only way I could feel worthy.