I'm engaged but

Remember ! It is never too late to pursue and live your dream, it is never too late to make a difference.

 

Yup, it becomes very interesting going through past relationships and past friendships when you realize where your attractions truly lie. Honestly I've had so many: "oh man, how did you not figure this out when x y z happened " moments thinking back. Bug it's just part of the process :icon_wink:

 

The following quote appears in my sig and was instrumental in helping me find myself

So let your mind wander and explore your cave!

 

It is possible that there are qualities many bisexual women share that he is attracted to...

I'm glad you have worked out a compromise for the moment.

 

Many of us here know the feelings you are going through all too well. There are quite a few of us that have suppressed the same feelings that you have now through many years of our marriages instead of realizing it before we got married. I've been married 22 yrs and wish I was honest to not only myself but mainly to my wife so she would have been given the choice if she wanted to stay or to potentially have her heart broken many years later. I would really be totally up front with your fiancé the sooner the better, especially if he already lost another girl to a similar circumstance and see what he honestly wants to do, but he somewhat made that a bit clear to you the other day. If he decides to leave it will hurt at first but will then open up a whole new world of freedom for you both! This site has been a huge help to me in my whole coming out process to friends and family so keep reading and talking with people and feel free to post on my wall if you want to talk more. Wishing you all the best, good luck and keep us updated

 

I was in a similar situation, though at the time I was engaged I'd repressed the other part of my sexuality so deeply that I didn't give it much thought at the time. I was with the guy for 5 years before my feelings towards women started to bubble to the surface again. You can only hold it down for so long.

I think you owe it to both yourself and your partner to be honest about your feelings now. I know how scary it is to risk ending something stable and loving for the unknown, but if you're having doubts already, I can promise that they're not going to magically go away. Better to deal with it now than wait until you're married, own a house together, have kids, etc.

I wish you all the best of luck.

 

Congratulations Mikimii! What a big set of steps in a short time. Please do keep us posted

 

I've never been married, but I was with my ex boyfriend on and off since I was 19, and I will be 29 this month. Throughout the years, I have learned that suppressing your feelings will only make them stronger, so exploring this other side of you is necessary. Yes, some people can deny their feelings in order to maintain a relationship, but would that truly make you happy? Probably not, because believe me, I've been there and back too many times.

I have dated both men and women throughout the off times when my ex and I were not together, and honestly, it confused me even more. It was like I was trying to fix a problem when in reality there wasn't a problem and with a temporary solution. I thought that if I explored my feelings for women (mostly causal relationships) that it would satisfy my desires, and it did for a while, but I wanted more & more.

Exploring your feelings will help you decide if you want to get married or not, and it is not going to be easy no matter which path you decide to take.

 

Yes, and we all know that holding your pee for a long time is no good :eusa_naug

I also thought if I suppressed my feelings that they would disappear, but that's when I discovered the pink elephant theory and that's when I knew that I was screwed. It was something I had no choice, but to accept :eusa_doh:

Psychology and Life: Don't Think about the Pink Elephant!

I wish you well on your journey and please don't be a stranger

 

Really positive outlooks, views, suggestions! Hi all. I have been following this thread and can't help thinking how many people it could be helping right now! Fantastic support and experience.
I really embrace the idea that time will keep changing us in one way or another. Although we may resist change, or grieve the loss of something familiar, we are simultaneously evolving and discovering, and we're allowed to favour changes that will ultimately promise happiness and fulfillment, not to mention achievements, in our lives.
I'm so excited for you.
Please keep writing, and I, for one, will be looking forward to reading the next chapter!

 

I was in your boat, Miiki. When I was dating my now-spouse, I told her I was bi. She seemed okay with it at the time, but after awhile she would change the subject if I mentioned it at all. Eventually she asked me not to tell anyone else that I was bi and never to mention it around her. Now we've been married for some years and she gets angry if I identify myself as bisexual, express attraction to male features, or otherwise do anything non-straight. The funny thing is, she's a huge advocate for LGBT rights... just for everyone else on the planet except me.

Discuss it honestly, even if he doesn't want to go there. I feel like there's part of myself I have to keep secret from my spouse and it feels awful.

 

Ok...

Society is an illusion. Everday people say and do things to comply with the illusion, to enable the illusion. Folks expect love and acceptance in trade for their compliance. People who do not comply become outcasts to the social fantasy. (Hence "lgbt oppression).

By being honest you are disturbing spouses fantasy. In her mind your honesty may make them an outcast.

Very sad behaviour.

People do not want truth, they want compliance.