I always felt sometime was wrong with me. I never had any crushes as a child, I would watch my peers fall for guys and I would feel left out when my 'friends' and classmates would be bragging about their first kiss or their new boyfriend.. getting made fun of for not having an interest. Or for being 'unlovable'. I would make up guys just to fit in! But in reality I never found an attraction in them :/ Up until about a year or two ago I met this girl..she stole my heart in ways I didn't understand. Was I a lesbian..? I live in a family of brainwashing homophobes who would strap me and perform 'exorcisms' if I uttered a word about my beliefs. I worry I can't be a lesbian because I'm weird and I've been washed into believing I need a perfect husband to raise a family with.. and because of my fear and my years and years of my warped family I would marry a man just to please them. :/ Because I feel I have no choice. I was raised in these beliefs but.. I feel unhappy just imagining myself with a guy.. Idk if it's just a phase or something..I feel like somethings wrong with me!! :eusa_doh::icon_redf When I look at guys without control I'm thinking, 'OK! It's a male around your age you have to think he's cute..now you have to flirt..' though in reality I'm confused like wait why am I telling myself this if I'm unhappy?! So confusing. :tantrum::tears: I could really use some support right now!
Oh honey *hugs* There isnt anything I can say to make this feel better. Hopefully someone else can chime in with more. But I am offering love and hugs for you. *hugs*
I'm sorry that your family is like that. I haven't come out to my family for the fear that they would do something like that to me. If you have never really had any real crushes on guys, you might not be into them. I had a similar experience growing up. The only time I have ever crushed on a guy was a friend crush. I've only ever wanted to be friends with guys, not do something more. If you feel like you have had similar experiences, then there is a good chance you are LGBT. It can also depend on your age and financial situation. Are you a young teen that hit puberty recently? Cause it is completely normal to be confused as a 13/14 year old, or even younger.
