Recently and in the past I have been confused about my gender. It's really hard to describe this so please bear with me. I am 14 and I have never really felt comfortable as being as labeled as female, but I have never really felt that I would be comfortable as a boy either. In the past I used to think I was ftm, as I thought that was logically the only other thing I could be if I didn't feel comfortable as female, but I found myself not being comfortable as a male either. After a while I just gave up on trying to figure out who I was and just let people assume I was female and just focused on being myself. And now I'm thinking about gender again. When I think of myself of having no gender labels and going by they/them pronouns it brings me a comfortable feeling. I don't know what I would call this. I have always been into more gender neutral clothes, not liking anything too feminine or too masculine. My ideal body for myself would be fit without looking too feminine or too masculine. I like having shoulder length hair that's not too long or short. I have always felt uncomfortable when people try to specify me as a girl or go "you're a girl so..." I also HATE having big boobs, whenever I think about them for too long I feel physically sick about them. I feel people focus on them too much and I just feel like they're not me. I don't necessarily wish I had no boobs at all though, just drastically smaller ones. I need someone to listen and help me figure out what this is. This is how I feel. Anything helping me figure this out would be much appreciated, thanks.
Sorry i can't give any advice. =( I'm just as confused as you are, though. As a kid i was fine but as a teenager, i just never felt right. Can't look at myself in a mirror or photo cause its really uncomfortable, a general hard to pin down feeling too. Like something about it doesn't belong, i guess? As a tween and young teen, i hated shaving but i don't remember any particularly negative feelings about bras. I remember being facinated about developing breasts, but i didn't particularly want nor hate them. Same with the bras. They were a fact of life, maybe annoying at best. It wasn't until i figured out what a binder was and what trans, nonbinary, and bigender were that i became obsessed off and on with the idea of binding and dressing as a boy and needing to see myself like that. But at the same time i cannot imagine myself living as a boy or having boy parts. I think my hair bothers me the most. I've never liked it. But i'm not in a position to really explore this either, still living at home. Idk if this means anything at all b/c i keep coming back to it after pledging to ignore it b/c coming back to it is distressing cause i can't figure it out...or if i am just obsessing over nothing and making something out of nothing and all this is really just my non traditional gender expression if that is even a thing.
