So, I took some time out of this website to clear my head and figure out what I wanted and who I was. For the basics, about a year ago I figured out I was gay, I only like girls. But for About a year now I've been having these gender confused feelings. (I've posted on here previously about it). But it's been so much stronger these past few months. I've always been a typical tomboy, ever since I could walk, I wore guys clothes, I hung out with my brother than my sister, I always played with the guys at school and hated the girls (lkie all guys did back then, cus they smelt ). On many occasions I was asked if I was a boy or a girl, and at the time I remember feeling really embarrassed. But this was when I was like 6-10. the past few months, I've been using guys shower gels and deodorants. I still wear guys clothes. And recently more than ever, I've been having these like feelings that I want a penis. I'm not particularly hateful over having a vagina, I would just prefer to have a penis. I also, whenever I think about the future i always think about be being a proper man, no boobs, penis, beard, wearing men's clothes etc. also, I have a deeper voice than most girls because I had a throat operation when I was younger. But, I've noticed whenever I'm at school, Or out with friends, I make it deliberately lower, and when I am at home or with family etc, it goes back to normally. I'm also, only 16, so I don't want to rush into assuming I'm transgender or anything else. I'm just really confused, and really scared.any advice I would be very grateful for. Thankyou for reading. (&&&)
I'm going to write a quick paragraph for you. Imagine I've gone away to discuss this topic with a friend of mine on this board so we can figure out how to help. "Did you see the thread that girl made in the gender section today? She kept talking about her body and the clothes she wears. Must be weird for her don't you think? She said some stuff about her past and what she is like now. She also talked about her vagina!" I've stuck some words in bold and I hope the reason I did so is pretty obvious. So on a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to hurt me for emphasising the words in bold?
Do you have anyone to talk to about this? A friend of family member? Is there someone you could confide in?
Tbh, maybe a 5/6 I'm not hugely mad, be little bit. I don't know if the reason is because I know that I will always have to be a girl because of family, etc. I just know I hate wearing girls clothes or being girly, or doing anything like that. I'm literally a boy in that sense, it's whether I physically want to be a boy or not. Ps that was a good tactic, like it really got me thinking about it, ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2014 at 02:33 AM ---------- Last night I told my friend. It was extremely hard, but I did it. Her cousin was going through a similar thing so she said I just needed to seek help. So that's why I came back here today. I could never tell my parents, in the Long run they would probably accept me liking girls, but not about gender stuff. My and my family are not close and we don't talk about anything other than 'hi you ok'
The fact that you've got a friend you can openly discuss this with is a great thing, trust me. I guess the question is, what do you want to do about your feelings about you gender, if anything?
Well I can't discuss it with her anymore. I find it extremely hard to let people into my life and talk about stuff going on, so when I do I just close off from them for a while. And that's what I did last night. I got angry said some things I regret etc. if she doesn't reply today then I accept that I've ruined it. In which case, I have no one to talk to about anything. To be honest, I don't know. If I was born a boy, then I would probably be the happiest, but I think having a axe change would make me more unhappy than now. So I think I'm just gunna carry in what I'm doing now, dressing as a boy, etc because I feel happy(ish). Like I'm never gunna be fully happy cus I can never be a proper boy, so I guess there's no point trying. Thanks for the replies.
I mean like a biological boy. That could never haooens obviously, since if am a girl. But I feel if I had a sex change, it would be harder because of society's views and my parents would disown me if they knew I was even considering it etc. so I feel like I maybe should just carry on the way I am; wear boys clothes, act like a boy etc. because when I'm around my friends(our main friendship group is just girls) I Act like a boy and it just happens, naturally. The other day we were shopping and they were all in the girly section and I just felt so out of place it really upset me, ecsause I'm not like them,and that's when it properly hit me that I really don't like being a girl. But there's nothing I can do about it is There? :/
Any sort of additional transitioning doesn't sound important to you right now, which is good. You've got plenty of time to figure things out. Also, if your family wouldn't accept it, try and get your own place when you turn 18 or something.
It sounds like you're doing what I've basically been doing for 14 years, and it works pretty reasonably as a teen but I'd encourage you to continue thinking about what you want. Where do YOU want to be with yourself and your gender in 5 or 10 years? There's no right or wrong answer, and the only wrong path would be one that isn't authentic to who and whatever you are. Take your time and know that you have plenty of options.
Thankyou everyone for the advice. I'm gunna take a break from the website again,I got a lot going on again, but thanks again.
