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If you're out, do you people in the real world define you by your sexuality?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by I am straight, Apr 22, 2016.

  1. I am straight

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    Edit: I meant for the thread title to be: If you're out, do you find that people in the real world define you by your sexuality?

    I went to a large high school in a very homophobic area of the Deep South, and my high school was large enough so that most people did not know the majority of the students at my high school. There was just one openly gay male student at my high school, and everyone knew who he was and that he was/is gay. I won't say the real name of this male student for privacy issues, but I will call this gay male student Steve. Whenever any student said anything about Steve, it was always something relating to the fact that he is gay. Everyone at my high school defined him by his sexuality. I think that's somewhat common in how gay people are treated.

    My screen name is I am straight, but I only made such a screen name because of the topic of the whole website. If everyone defined me by being straight in real life, I would find it annoying. I am far more than my sexuality.


    If you're out of the closet, do you find that a lot of people define you by your sexuality? If so, is that annoying?
     
    #1 I am straight, Apr 22, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2016
  2. OnTheHighway

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    I would imagine some people do. Especially those that first meet me. However, once they get to know me, they see through the sexuality part of me and see me for whom I am.

    Those that are unable to, are probably homophobic themselves; and if that's the case, no need to bother with them.
     
  3. CameronMR

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    People never guess I'm gay, I guess because I have kids, they make the assumption that I am just a straight mommy with short hair and "dyke pants" lol
     
  4. Katchoo

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    Haha, now I feel like I am behind the curve because I don't know what "dyke pants" are. Do I have them? Am I wearing them right now? Lol, haha.
     
  5. YuriBunny

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    No, because I don't 'act gay' or anything. I fade into the crowd, and people don't suspect I'm gay. Once I tell them, they're really surprised and sometimes they forget and think I'm straight later.

    There are a lot of openly LGBT+ people at my school, so I suppose that makes a difference in it. People aren't obsessed with my sexuality (well, most people anyway).
     
  6. OutofZCloset

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    Back in my day they were just called my "gay clothes". But apparently now I am wearing dyke pants...but what about my shirt? Is it straight?
     
  7. cakepiecookie

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    I don't think people define me by my sexuality, or if they do, it's in their own minds and not something that comes across in how they relate to me. If anything, I feel like I struggle to get people to acknowledge it at all. I have close friends who still talk about me dating as if I'm straight, even though I've stated repeatedly that it's rare for me to be attracted to men.
     
  8. AKTodd

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    When I was first coming out in college a few people most likely did given their reactions, but I just found that amusing.

    Other than that, nope.

    Todd
     
  9. afgirl

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    What the heck are dyke pants?

    It's been awhile since everyone figured out my sexuality at work. Mainly because I'm in a relationship with an openly gay woman, not because I truly made some effort to "come out". I just started dating somebody, that's all. However, that news spread like wildfire. I don't think anyone really defines me by that, but that's because they just assumed I was straight for the past couple of years and they know me pretty well. If I had shown up there obviously out, then I'm sure it might be a different story.

    Anyway, around the time this all was coming out, my female boss hired this completely unqualified girl for our department. I was walking with one of the guys from work venting about this whole situation. My boss is also known to be bisexual, so in my disgust at this whole situation I said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were sleeping together. I just know that's not the case, though". At that point he looked at me and said, very expressively, "No, you just NEVER know. You NEVER know."

    I realized we'd switched from talking about my boss to me and my situation.
     
  10. Lipstick Leuger

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    No one seems to really care. or if they do they don't tell me. Most importantly, I don't care, so its a moot point.
     
  11. Kiran

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    There are people (mostly lgbtphobic) who will use your sexuality during an argument like "stupid les" or "lazy gay". Most of my friends don't care about my sexuality. The core ones are mostly lgbt themselves. :wink:
     
  12. rachael1954

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    I think with close-minded people who are interested in only jobs, cars, kids, keeping up with Joneses, that they would define you by that any always use it to refer to you when talking about you to other people (behind your back, whether good or bad discussion).

    They would use it to belittle you, be dismissive of you, feel superior, and diminish you.

    I know because I passed as straight for most of my life and I heard these things all the time.

    To people more open minded, it doesn't matter, and it won't be their hot topic of conversation if/when you come out to them. But to the others, yes. Unfortunately.
     
  13. biAnnika

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    I don't really think about how *others* define me...um...because I don't let others define me...or rather, I don't define myself by the opinions of others.

    And if someone chooses to define me by my bisexuality ("the main thing about her is that she's bisexual" they're pretty blind anyway and probably not worth knowing.
     
  14. RedEyeFlash

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    I feel like the only people that define me by my sexual orientation are people who haven't spent much time around gay people. I honestly don't believe that they do it on purpose. Once the novelty of that wears off, people tend to define me by parts of my personality. If you were to ask most of the people who have been around me long enough, they will tell you that I'm really old school and belong in another decade, I'm funny and that I love children. Most of them will forget to tell you that I'm gay.
    I used to find it annoying when people defined me by my sexual orientation until I realized that "gay" isn't even close to the most offensive thing people could call me.
     
  15. OGS

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    No. It's much more important to me than it seems to be to anyone else. My husband's pretty into it I suppose...
     
  16. nsantana

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    I used to think this way before I really came to terms with who I am - that I did not want to come out because then my sexuality would define me.

    I now believe that though track to be perpetuated by the homophobia in society.

    Now I am so much further along in the coming out process and starting to really like myself for who I am, I look at other gays as people FIRST and who happen to be gay SECOND.
     
    #16 nsantana, Apr 24, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2016