If straight people fantasise about the same-sex...

I agree with the user referencing the Kinsey scale...different people have varying degrees of how much they would even act on their fantasies (considering they even want to act on them). Straight people fantasizing about gay encounters do exist, but the reason they're aroused is different from the reason a gay person would be aroused (curiosity/excitement of breaking a taboo vs. wanting a legitimate sexual and emotional connection w/someone of the same sex)

 

Yes, replace women with men and that's exactly what i have experienced, and way more intense than anything with the opposite sex.

 

Straight people fantasize about the opposite sex.

 

I remember reading that it was normal for women to fantasize about other women and watch same sex porn while being straight in Cosmopolitan magazine years ago - so it's definitely been said. Porn is one thing. But I agree that this is probably a false sense of security so people don't acknowledge just how common not being straight is.

I remember it said something about girl on girl porn and fantasies being enjoyable because straight porn can be so violent and rough while samesex was sensual. It said it could mean you were gay, but also could mean nothing.

I don't think it means nothing, but who knows. I was "straight" when I read it.

 

I guess the problem or not problem is that is such a grey area, there is no right or wrong answer. It is impossible to say how many of those people who fantasize it could also class themselves as bisexual. I am sure there are people who class themselves as straight and enjoy the odd fantasy but are in a heterosexual relationship and are happy for the rest of their lives and never think any more about it other than it is a now and again fantasy. Then there will be people like YeahpIdk who think they are straight and it is just a fantasy but then as time passes and they dig a little deeper they end up changing their mind and identifying as bi or gay. It is relying on peoples description of their orientation which means it can only ever be so accurate.
If you are completely happy in your currently relationship then there is no reason to leave or end it, I suppose the question is are you completely happy? Would you have ended up on EC questioning it if you were completely happy? Maybe you would and I am in no way telling you that you are not happy only you can answer that.
I think people here probably air on the side of caution when telling people everything will be ok in their relationship despite their same sex fantasies because lots of them have been in heterosexual relationships which didnt work out. So I think that is also understandable.

 

I'm not sure how common it is. I think it would be more common for people to watch same sex porn and get turned on by it than have same sex fantasies. I'm sure it could happen while straight (whatever being straight means lol), but getting turned on by the same sex is by definition not a straight attribute.

If you're having same sex fantasies, it doesn't mean you're in the wrong relationship (but like Silver said, being on here and searching out a lot of info about same sex tendencies/thoughts may be an indication of relationship issues and/or seriously questioning your sexually). It could mean you're bi or Queer and just now letting yourself explore those things a little more - even if just in your head.

Like Silver said, I thought I was straight until 25. Was always with men, etc. Then I fell really hard for a girl and many things went out of whack, but also started to make sense. When I read that Cosmo article. It freaked me out a bit because I DID watch same sex porn more than straight and DID fantasize about women sometimes. So when it said that watching same sex porn was normal, I felt relieved because it made me feel bad sometimes lol.

I certainly don't identify as straight. But I don't discount men. Finding women attractive doesn't mean you're gay and in the wrong relationship. It could. But maybe you're just not as straight as you thought you were.

I'm not sure what this was about originally and am too lazy to look back lol. Sorry if this was unnecessary commentary.

 

Here's something I did, in my journal, to help my own questioning.
I'm very confident in my gender identity. And yet we all have traits that would be considered "cross over", right?
So I rewrote some of my reasons for questioning my sexuality and then rewrote them like I would if I was questioning gender identity, to see how it sounded:

For example:
Because in my fantasy world, I'm with a woman.

Then I rewrote it as:
Because in my fantasy world, I’m a man.

Then I thought and wrote about how it sounded. If I was thinking the second one, would that be "normal" for a cisgender person? Sure everyone has moments where they think the other sex has it easier or they're jealous of something the other sex has or gets to do, but consistently fantasizing about it is something else. I think most people would agree on that?

I think it's the same thing with sexuality. You might, as a straight person, see a movie with same sex relationships and get really turned on by it. But if you find yourself picturing those movies or a similar scenario frequently during heterosexual sex, then I would say it's something you're going to have to deal with. Make sense?

There are obvious flaws with this, and if you are questioning your gender identity as well that's one of the bigger ones but maybe you could find something else that would work for this.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I've just been trying to figure out a way to sort this out in my own head.

 

It sounds to me as though you are more existing. Your life as you say is not bad and there is nothing that is making you unhappy as such, as in unbearable or pushing you to take any kind of step away from it. I suppose the next question is, is that enough for you?

 

This topic, this conversation is right where I'm at. It certainly pays to 'stroll' along the old posts isle's here in the EC library.

Your initial question LIDD and everyones' comments, observations and experiences following have been valuable and insightful to read, to say the least. Fantastic!

And while on fantastic and words beginning with 'Fanta...' this or 'Fanta...' that, the dictionary says of Fantasize: To concieve pleasant mental images. While for Fantasy: 1. Imagination unrestricted by reality; to meaning 3. (Psychol) A series of pleasing mental images, usually serving to fulfill a need not gratified in reality.

So true so true I find. Its been my closet for years.

As a footnote, among the like words for Fantastic the Theasurus gives: phantasmagorical, quaint, and you guessed it: queer.

One clear and definite definer for me, which I became aware of with quite a jolt, was 'not' being able to recall a time, if ever, when I have had a female, the opposite sex, in one of my fantasies., (I'm sure as a teenager there must have been...I guess? maybe not...). The one exception where she (a most wonderful girlfriend of some years back) had her set of fantasies which we shared. (...more of that later).

That this truth - that my fantasies are all and always have been same sex - appeared, marched into my reality, I was overjoyed. That's telling.

But for years I realise I have denied it, discounting the experience, seeking not to pay attention to it.... 'its just a thought.

I've not wanted rock the safe boat of cultural norms, and expectations, self imposed for the greater part I feel. The fear of being ostrasized is deeply rooted, even to kindergarten as I can recall.

There is though, even as I write here and now, and dictionary meanings aside, no doubt that my sexuality has always been at the homosexual end of the spectrum.

What I also saw in this process of coming out (which has in truth been going on for some 6 or 7 years, actually more and I posted a little about elsewhere...and it has been compassionately observed by some EC'rs here for which I am deeply grateful... ) is a 'sitting on the fence' - not moving to one side or the other - unclear about what it means to be anywhere else along the spectrum.

This is part of the unfolding, it certainly is a journey.

I've had two fantasies over the last two nights. Each began with a single thought: 'I wonder.. '

On both occasions I had gone to bed. The first was thinking about catching up for coffee and chat with my friend, the one person, also gay, who I came out to on the phone.

He has been in my thoughts quite often since, and have been to catch up. I found myself, picturing having coffee, chatting and laughing, my motivation...to talk about all this 'outing' with someone who understands. Then going back to his place, and quite nonchalantly seeing, fantasising us having a bath together, and the rest I'll just say it was lovelly. What really got me thought is knowing I am looking forward to really catching up for that coffee, and sharing the fantasy... Lol...a case if ever of be careful what you wish for...!

The next fantasy, lastor at least very very early this morning. I had gotten up to the toilet, and while its winter here and very cold, I was naked. (My partner [she] is away at the moment so I have the house to myself for two weeks). Laying back down again, I began thinking about my google research on local Meetups for Gay Men. (Found one which was on tonight, and gave great thought to going ...big step. Just 30 mins a couple of suburbs away....however work got in the way.)

Well, my fantasy of the evening took off, and I found myself, sitting up in the dark smiling to the thought that one of guys and I hit it off, and into my fantasy came the thought of standing embaced, feeling everything out each other as we pressed ip close and kissed.

I realised as I lay down again, the cold air at 4am forcing me back under the covers, this was not a random notion, but a very 'real' imagining. And I was so happy. My words spoken yet out loud and definite..'I am so happy I am homosexual. I went back into such a deep sleep.

Yet another epiphany...they seem to be rolling in at the moment...

My lesson, fantasies are for me all very much about me, they're not dreams nor to be discounted. Its a bit twee, 'built it and they will come' seems apt.

Some five years back I enjoyed immensely and deeply a relationship by email and photos. We met online, was a beautiful guy, lives in the UK. We wrote to each for three or four months I guess. Shared some photos, laughed lots, enjoyed each others company 'virtually' greatly. After a time we stopped, my doing, I got scared. And I recall to this day his observations of me, kind, not judgemental, but certainly insighrful and sweetly direct. Julien, you're holding back. His friendship I deeply value to this day, and again have often thought of visiting and just turning up at his front door. Fantasy or future planning one might say. I have many times, and now, thought how I would love to embace him one day, to spend time together, hold hands kiss cuddle, share laughter amid intimacy and understanding that is for me naturally of two men.

All of this, these fantasies, are very much about who I am. Sitting there naked in my room this morning amid the dark I felt immersed in a most beautiful joy.

That joy is who I am.

I have come to realise, to find accord that I'm not on that fence any more, I have gotten down and I'm feeling the grass under my feet, I'm tasting the air, I'm hugging myself...I'm coming out into my own sunshine. I'm creating my own path, I am my own path.

Annd however I unfold, it is with these words, emotions, experiences expressed and shared, my own doing.

My fantasy's coming to be.

 

Ever since I discovered my parents' Playboy and Penthouse magazines when I was 10 years old, I've only ever been interested in /enjoyed looking at naked women--either alone or in some kind of lesbian sex scene. I have never liked looking at naked men (especially their penises) and found them an annoying distraction. Even today I can't really watch straight porn, unless I'm just focusing on the woman's body (and imagining that I am the guy sucking on the woman's breasts or something) and there are no penises involved. I actually find gay male porn very disgusting (sorry!) and have only watched it a few times out of some morbid curiosity.

But I still question sometimes whether I am lesbian, because I have had emotional crushes on guys (mostly hoping that they would desire and therefore validate me) and dreaming that I would live this "ideal" married life with 2 beautiful children and a successful career.

 

Ma

NYCer, beautiful. What you have shard all makes sense to me. I get you, I'm just the reverse. Sorry not nessecary, I understand. You're fine. J

 

Attraction is something entirely innate (though with indeterminate cause) and if people would just stop being ridiculous with their taboos and judgement of other people so strictly that it becomes internalized in the conscious of others most people on the planet would realize they have had feelings for members of both sexes that went beyond just friendship at some point in their life.