If someone says "thats so gay" is it bad?

Huh, interesting point. After all it wasn't so long ago that gay didn't mean homosexual. Words fascinate me. Saying that, the "hidden meaning" is only there because it evolved from using the word in a derogatory and homophobic manner.

This phrase doesn't upset me but I don't like the fact that it's perfectly acceptable to use. People around me don't tend to use it, but I think if they did I might ask them if they ever notice its meaning.

When I was at uni my friends (only the boys) would use the word "rape" constantly, I've noticed other people doing the same thing since, but that was where I was surrounded by it. "Oh man, you got raped!" Dominated. Always a joke. I used to cringe inside and want to ask them whether they thought that being beaten in a computer game was really like rape. I never did though.

The point is, I honestly believe people don't think about the stupid things they say. This doesn't make the use of these terms any less ignorant, but for the most case they don't tend to be malicious.

 

This is a "fairly" new thing. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter BUT then I remember "dirty queer" and "faggot". It reminds me of the old saying
First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

Think we need to point out it IS hurtful to some so is to all...

 

This sort of thread comes along fairly frequently, and while everybody else gets worked up about equating "gay" with "bad", I'm going to make the same point I always make. Gay started out meaning happy, then it moved on to mean sexually inappropriate (used to describe prostitutes and promiscuous men, among other things), then it came to mean homosexual... and now it's being adapted once again to mean bad or stupid. Everybody seems to assume that gay has always meant homosexual, so any comments such as "That's so gay" are automatically homophobic. But not only did gay have a negative meaning before it began to mean homosexual, but the very fact that it means homosexual in the first place should be more offensive since it's just a narrowed down definition of its previous meaning, which is generally inappropriate behaviour of a sexual nature. Which homosexuality isn't. So no, it shouldn't be at all offensive to hear somebody say "That's so gay".

That said, your friends obviously take it a little further than that by using other gay slurs etc. I genuinely believe there's no malice intended, but at the same time it is a little insensitive. On the whole though, I don't think they'll disown you if you come out to them. (No guarantees but that's my instinct based on what you've said.) They may involve you in a little banter about it, but what's a little banter between friends?

 

Ok I think that three kinds of people say things like this.
1. People who don't realize how it could be mean because of society today (which is what I think your friends are)
2. Homophobes (but I haven't seen it myself)
3. People who are struggling to figure out their own sexuality and so they make fun of gays because that is how they deny it to themselves and others.

 

I honestly don't care about stuff like this. I hear people around me say it all the time (well, the Dutch equivalent) but I don't find it offensive in the slightest.

 

I always dislike it when people say that. To me it's like saying, "That's so black" or "that's so disabled," or "that's so Jewish." It's just stupid and offensive to say.

 

I think they do it for a number of reasons:
They are just ignorant
It becomes a subconcious habit (like swearing)
Or they are homophobic

Usually its the first two.

 

its obviously bad, but i am quite indiffferent when people say it because i know they dont mean it and know what they are saying. Its bad because people are using gay to express their unhappiness with something..

 

I hate that, but one time i told them that they sound idiotic and inmature :/
No replies after that

 

Nope.
It's just a word.

 

How's this for you:

My best friend says "That's GAY" all the time, and when I asked one time why he did that he explained "No dude don't be offended. You, you are an awesome HOMOSEXUAL. That car is GAY. You like men, but that car is GAY!"

I see what he is trying to convey, but it makes no sense.

I'll be honest, it does not bother me when things like that are said in jest. If the person is not legit trying to hurt someone, I don't care.

I'm really not one to get all pissed off and up in someone's face because they said something I don't like. Everyone has an opinion, everyone's entitled to it, and if no harm comes to me why should I get upset?

I bet your friends just say it because they can. Also, I'm willing to bet they'll say it after you come out too. They'll apologize the first time but not after. I personally wouldn't take it to heart because if they have made it clear that they don't mean harm, it's just a non-issue.
Ideally they shouldn't use those phrases, but we live in a world quite far from a utopia.

 

I think some people like to take it out of context. I don't believe people calling things 'gay' or saying people should go 'suck a dick' is necessarily homophobic or meant in a bashing tone. You gotta remember that gay wasn't always 'gay', and you'll never hear people say 'That's so homosexual'. It's made out of ignorance or as a joke, so lighten up guys ^_^

Plus in all honesty, does it really matter if they say that? Does it really bother you THAT much if they say it? It could be found offensive due to people's insecurities about their sexuality, but if you're relatively confident with yourself, why should it matter?

 

It depends on the actual tone/context of the situation. And as multiple others have pointed out, the context of the word "gay" has changed. Hell, I say it myself, but infrequently - I used to use it more, but it's just not part of my choice of phrases now.

I mean, if it's obviously meant in a malicious way then there's a problem - and you can generally tell - or if it's pointlessly overused as Data pointed out, then it gets pretty ridiculous. But on it's own with no tone or contextual implications it's just that, a sentence. The tone changes everything.

 

It is bad. "That's so gay" is a negative to dismiss something. People shouldn't say it. How do you think people would respond if you said "that's so black"? or "that's white of you"? It's discriminatory and has no place in polite society.

 

My friends say it all the time. They can be so ignorant. Some days they say it so often it's like it's become an automatic response. That's the only way they insult anyone nowadays.

I'd really like to speak up about it, but I'm scared of how they'd react. I told a few of them that I didn't like it, and they changed the topic straight away!

I don't see it going away anytime soon either...

 

Most of my friends know how ignorant it sounds to say such a thing. There are one or two friends who accidentally say it once and a great while, but I do know they don't mean harm from previous conversations. It does sting more when heard from a stranger though...

 

That's the thing. There isn't homophobic intent on behalf of the individual, but the language demonstrates that there was at least a point in time where it was mutually understood that the word 'gay' conveyed the same meaning as 'bad'. It shows a level of heterosexism behind the phrase.

But you're right that language evolves and at the moment we're in a process of evolution. The question is whether society can completely and utterly separate the two, both on a conscious and subconscious level - and how do we actually prove it? Or should we even care at all?

 

Yes I would so I slip it sometimes. Not intentionally just how people talk around here.

 

I agree with this entirely. It's not as bad as "Gays have AIDS rings" or "Gays can't marry because they don't face each other during sex", but it still runs contrary to the whole goal, which is acceptance of others, regardless of what they were born with, as well as world peace.

By the way, THAT is the "Gay agenda" so many right-wing and Republicans are crying out. I've yet to see a good argument against that besides "It goes against my religion, and God will strike you down for it"

 

Bottom line is no matter how accepting the world is of eachother, there will always be people that aren't. So there really isn't anything you can do about the word being said. Might as well laugh at it and devalue the word like it should be.