Some people seem to have an issue of me not embracing my transgender identity and saying that I hate being one, instead of being proud of it. I do have a lot of anger directed at inside of myself, but I've always had issues with identity and also individuality, where others always think I'm copying someone. Changing my label to male here in EC made me feel better about myself. Others may not understand, but to me it was important. Every transpersons journey is unique. If you've made peace with yourself being transgender, then more power to you, but I'm different. I made peace with my male identity. I made peace with my soul, which is why I'm transitioning in the first place to make ammends and raise my quality of life. I think my soul deserves to be happy. I do seem to have made my soul to be a sepparate identity almost, but it's what helped me. Even though there is anger towards myself, then there is also sense of quilt for not listening my inner self for so long and burying my feelings for 25 years.
"You can't please all people all of the time". Its worth keeping that in mind. It really doesn't matter what other people think, try not to let it bother you. Your own journey is just as valid as anybody else's.
Thanks I appreciate it. It just simply made me emotional cause I felt like I was put under the labels what I've given no concent for. It don't mean I don't love the trans community. I do. I just want to be regarded as a man, rather than transgender being something that is my whole identity. It all made me spiral a little.
There's no issue here, Rain. You're a guy. End of. We all really respect you - both for all your hard work round here and for being such an honest and sincere person in general. The world needs more men like you! Hugs, Beth x
Thank you. And hugs. I don't want to think of that I'm not actually fully male. This is what transgender kinda implies for me. Even if I go on hormones, then surgeries are out of reach. I'd be male outside, but not really feel like it. That imagination having female parts while looking male made me feel sick. It's same with having allready beard, because of a condition as a female at birth what have caused me tons of dysphoria. I feel like I'm going to experience more of it once on hormones. I'm getting emotional again, so I stop before I start again going on and on about it. Being hung over about your identity isn't fun. I always think how it would be so much easier as a female. I wouldn't miss out on so much. It all causes me to hate it.
I think a lot of us have had thoughts like these at some point. I know I have. Going onto hormones does help in all this - when I look at my top half in the mirror these days I smile because I'm starting to look like the woman I always wanted to be. Of course, the bottom half is still a source of dysphoria. For both of us surgery is a possibility lurking out there in the great beyond. It doesn't mean it's completely out of reach for you though. And who knows what medical advances will be made in terms of F2M bottom surgery in the years ahead? The key thing to keep in mind is that it's not out of reach. The future is unwritten, which is exciting, right? Hugs, Beth xx
I'm happy for you. I wish I was there. All I see in a mirror is someone who I am not (because of body dysmorphia I see someone distorted. Body dysmorphia is a mental health condition and different from dysphoria. For everyone who reads this and has no idea). True. Actually this thought has been the only thing that has kept me going. That in the future they might have better tehnology and it being more accessible and maybe even covered by the healthcare system, but that isn't even currently discussed. I want to get to as close as possible to have everything men have to be comfortable enough in my body.
I can relate. I often wish I was born male but the other times I just want to be a cis girl, have a so-called normal life, face no discrimination in society, and, stay away from that little man in the back of my mind, which I think I could, but I won’t be myself anymore if I live entire life as female.
Hugs. Sorry for going on about it here. I know it's problably hard for others too and might give off bad feelings or give bad images for others who read it, but I needed to let it out. I felt I needed to explain it. Of course it would be so much easier as a cis female and I think I'm in grief that I lost all that, but at the same time I like who I'm turning into more. This causes me a bit of conflict between griefing and liking the person I'm becoming. I am actually looking very much forward to it, even if I tend to have a lot of negative thoughts. In my family all men are much taller, so I'm wondering if T gives makes me taller, but I very much doubt it, since I'm out of puberty and adult and not growing more physically. Maybe it would have done it, if I started much earlier, so it's fun to imagine how it would be like if I was taller now.
