I want to act less gay.

depending on your definition, most superheros have bad childhood or injuries or radiation or aliens, and i don't think society is ready for aliens and radiations yet. Well, society tried radiation, but no one got superpowers, sadly.

Anyways, the description of "guy thing" is set by society, but gender tropes and stereotypes can pretty much shattered by a small group of people who cross stereotypes or just break one.

The skills you mentioned, hiking, or fixing a car, I view them less as masculinity but capability. Fixing a car can help you understand how a car works, and save you money from giving professional workers to fix a car. Hiking is a fitness activity, and do women who do them are more masculine? In the long run, don't force yourself to do something because it's "masculine" or "feminine" or "neutral". Do something if it helps you, helps people around you, or help elevate your health, but without the narcissism and excess pride that comes with actions.

As for being relied on by family or communities, I don't know lol. I don't think my family relies on me to do things, and I haven't bothered to look at how society relies on me.

I hope this isn't all a babble, but I just see your approach to this a bit like forcing yourself, and I'm not sure if you really want to do that. And at the same time, I want to give you a response that, some of the things you see as "masculine" is something imaginary society makes up.

 

Hi SixtusKelevra (No. 6 bad dog?), welcome to EC!

Being anything other than what you are is generally not a good idea. People can pick up on that kind of inauthenticity pretty quick.

Learn these "manly" things if you must, but it won't significantly change your behaviour. If you are living an open, flamboyant life, you are already displaying strength, courage and independence. If your family cannot draw strength from that then they really don't know you; there is no need to play a part that doesn't fit you.

 

Its never fun to be of a group that isn't often fully accepted in society. As I have said before, I've gotten far more flack for expressing myself as largely non-masculine male than for being homosexual.

You will never be able to truly change who you are, nor should you ever have too. I don't say that solely because you should learn to accept yourself as you are; though you certainly should. I say that because the longer those of us who diverge from traditional gender molds try veil ourselves from the world, the longer it's inhabitants are going to continue to view one another in such simplistic mindsets.

It's not always easy, but finding contentment with yourself despite what others may think is far more fulfilling. Masculinity and Being A Man are horridly overrated; the latter being a literally nonexistent quality. Life is too short to worry about nonsensical standards the sexes of the world have crafted exclusively to boost egos.

 

This is well-said.

However, I want to say that instead of looking at the qualities that aren't classically masculine, look at the ones which are.

You described yourself as flamboyant, loud, and gay. Well, no, none of those are particularly manly. But many other attributes are.

Are you a leader?
Strong, fit, or acrobatic?
Deep voice?
Do you hold the professional part in your career (doctor v. nurse, lawyer v. paralegal)?
Your friends and family, do they depend on you?

These are some of the traits inherent in the current, American definition of "masculine," too. Not all of them are of my opinion, just grabbed from societal interpretation.

The point is, though, that you look at some of the other aspects involved in manhood and see if they apply to you. Perhaps this may help.

Last but not least, if you do not feel that your character fits the definition of "masculine," then redefine it as you please.

 

Greatwhale stated it perfectly. By being who you truly are out in the open, it shows courage and strength that many don't have.

I think it's funny that you want to be less gay, as I find myself recently out of the closet, I want to appear more gay to people
I recently dyed my hair auburn red and started shaving my arms. I just want gay guys to see me and not see a straight guy. I act pretty much like a normal straight male would, so yeah lol
(I don't mean to sound offensive BTW)

 

Embracing [other than self] while remaining [self] is impossible, by definition. Men, of all sexualities, have a range of gender expressions and behaviours. This is their natural state of being, not defaulting to masculinity. Yes, you could learn to saw trunks of wood in half, but in what universe are you going to be happy pretending to be something you're not?

 

I agree that you can never be truly happy pretending to be someone you're not. That's because I'm like that myself. I'm not out and worry what my family and society Wil think of me. Plus, for one reason or another it isn't simply that easy to come out and just deal with the consequences. It's been hard enough for me to accept I'm gay, not because I thought theres anything wrong with it,it's what society has tought me. So I can understand how family might find it hard to accept...even tho they sshouldn't. But I do try to act more manly and not camp so I don't get outed. Life is tough when you've got so much to consider. If u have the strength to just be yourself then do it. if u know you can be yourself as well as ddoing the 'manly' things still.being tru to yourself then do that. But if you feel u r living a lie, then don't do it, as u cant truly be happy that way. As u can tell from my ramble, it's not easy not being yourself