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I think im trans, is this the right step? (FTM)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spidersneakers, Oct 9, 2022.

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  1. Spidersneakers

    Spidersneakers
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    Location:
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    I didn’t have indications of gender dysphoria when i was younger but when puberty started i was very uncomfortable. I refused to wear a bra and I didn’t want to accept the fact i was growing into a woman. I hate my period and I don’t like touching/ washing my genitals. At first i thought i was nonbinary. i cut my hair short and I really enjoyed it, more than i thought i would. Strangers started calling me he and i started dressing masculine. I had never really dressed masculine before but the second i put on mens clothes it felt so much better. I didn’t realize how much i wanted this until i actually tried it out. The more i was perceived as a man, the more i felt like one. I eventually realized my identity was leaning more male, extremely male. I didn’t want to associate myself with anything female because it felts so uncomfortable. I came to the thought that I might be transgender.

    At the moment i love being called he and a boy. I feel like a guy, i want to be one. I also feel lots of dysphoria, i bind my chest and pack in private, and its great until i need to take it off. At school i want to be friends with cis guys, people do not approach me at school though so its difficult to start conversations. I try to avoid going to the bathroom in public, and also avoid talking. It’s very difficult. I still go by my deadname because my parents don’t know. (and I haven’t found one that suits me)

    I’m wondering if im just going through a phase? But I can’t stop feeling this way. I don’t want to be a girl. Maybe im just a lesbian who hasn’t had a crush on a girl yet? But I don’t feel like a girl who likes girls. I feel like a straight guy. Or maybe im just a tomboy and confused, thats what my parents will tell me if i come out.
    I’m trying to take my time figuring things out but im also desperate to find answers. I want to be 100% sure of my identity before i come out and transition.
     
    #1 Spidersneakers, Oct 9, 2022
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  2. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
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    Hi Spidersneakers, I get what you're saying about wanting to be sure, but from what you've written and the certainty with which you say it, I would say you probably are a trans guy.

    Sometimes it is that simple. I spent years trying to run away from my innate trans-ness. I tried to kid myself I 'just' liked cross dressing or what I was feeling was 'just' a fetish. But no...the answer was there right in front of me all along. I wanted, yearned, longed to be a girl, always did, right back to an early age. It took me until I was 50 and I had reached a huge crisis in my life before I could face up to the truth. Then the question was 'can I spend the rest of my life as a male?' And the answer was easy: no, it would be like a living death.

    It sounds like you have reached that point many decades before I did, which is fantastic. So listen to what your heart is saying. Let it lead into you into the light.

    Good luck!

    Beth x
     
    #2 chicodeoro, Oct 9, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2022
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  3. Spidersneakers

    Spidersneakers
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    Thank you so much, your advice makes things a bit more clear. I’m glad you are living your truth now and i wish you the best in your journey and transition. I hope you have a good day! Thanks again!
     
    #3 Spidersneakers, Oct 10, 2022
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  4. DragonChaser

    DragonChaser
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    Do you know something? Yesterday a gentleman said "Maybe we can ask this young lady here," to me at work, and I just... oh, goodness, I wanted to swoon a bit. Not romantically, of course, it just felt so right to have someone see me as a woman.

    Okay, so, I think it's a phase for some. Most of us aren't "gendered" by anything but society and culture; most cis guys I know are super curious about makeup and skirts and even heeled shoes, and every cis woman I know has some conventionally masculine trait that they love and another they hate. Most have more than one.

    But there are those of us for whom it's not a phase. I tell you, if I'd followed the clues from my childhood, I would've started sooner, but we all come to it in our time, I suppose. If that's how you're comfortable, you should live that out loud. Don't wait. Start finding your comfort zones and exploring avenues of introducing others in your life to it. Take it slow and stay safe, throughout, but don't wait for confirmation.

    The yearning is how you know. That aching need in your heart is how you know. I covered it up with drugs and many other abuses for decades. All it got me was a longer, harder road back to the same truth I ran from. That may not be you, but it doesn't sound like your average "tomgirl" scenario, when you say your body feels wrong. I know what that's like, and I'm sorry you do too, but it sounds like you're ready to address it and start healing, and for that you should be proud regardless.

    The only advice I insist on is, teenager or not, before undertaking any medical treatment, seek a plurality of opinions on what might be right for you. Every body, literally, is different! A good doc and a therapist are a must! And, no matter what, make sure you're staying safe! If you're getting threats or being bullied, speak up about it, and don't let it continue unchecked. Sunlight is a great disinfectant, as they say.

    Regardless, I send love and respect to you! Good luck on this wonderful journey to finding yourself! I'm so excited for you! ^_^
     
    #4 DragonChaser, Oct 10, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2022
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  5. Spidersneakers

    Spidersneakers
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    Tha
    Thank you so much! This really brightened my day, i do have that aching yearning feeling, wanting anything to be a man. i agree with what you said about medically transitioning, i want to transition socially if/when i come out, but i know eventually i will want to medically transition. I will make it my priority to find the right therapist because i know some are biased. i think anyone who wants to transition should seek therapy first, just to settle some feelings and work through stuff. And i think its also important to research good doctors and experiences. Thank you again for the reply and advice! Appreciate it!
     
    #5 Spidersneakers, Oct 11, 2022
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