I think im finally coming to terms with at least being bi

Hey!




So as the title says I think I can't deny to myself that I get turned on from seeing a naked male, well, mostly only from the genetalia.



My situation right now is that im at the moment in a relationship with a girl. We are very serious and talk about spending the rest of our lives with each other. We had sex yesterday and I was very turned on by her and couldn't help myself to get a pretty fast ejaculation. I did however have problems in the beginning of our relationship to get hard, as with all the other girls I've been with in my life. I had 2 serious relationsships with girls before that was just the same, when I finally get comfortable with them it hasn't really been a problem to get hard with them. I also had a few shorter ones where we had sex but it only worked okay, not good.


During my life I have not been aware of my possible attraction towards males. And have found myself getting aroused from seeing women countless times. I have never checked out males but when I think back now I think I realise it might have been a few times when I've seen a male genetalia that I have been or might have been sexually attracted. I could never imagine myself being romantic with a guy though, but I think alot of the people here who finally came out found themselves in that same situation before accepting it to themselves? Also throughout my life I had countless crushes on females, and from what I can tell none towards males.


I do this test on myself. I first try to watch a solo naked male playing with himself. And then the next time I only watch a girl playing with herself.

What I find is that it works very well against my will when I watch a male, I'm not really comfortable with watching the whole person though, especially not in the face, I mainly get aroused from seeing the genetalia and maybe the stomach muscles above.

What I find out when watching a woman is that Im not very turned on by the female genetalia but I really like to see theire ass, breasts and also the rest of the body, the face. It is pretty much the same with my girlfriend.


I don't have any clue what I would like to do with a male though, watching 2 men together is kind of repulsing to me. From what I know now I know that I get aroused from watching mainly the genetalia.


With girls it is different, I want to excuse me for the words now but I can't find a better way to put it, fuck her brains out and see her like it. Im not really as aroused by only the genetalia here.



I am very unsecure as a person and find social situations to be paranoid and it makes my brain get all of the weirdest crazy thoughts about what I do wrong and so on.
Maybe this could be a result of me not accepting the BI side of me and making me unsecure. But I guess I am still a little bit worried that I might be exclusively gay, but is it really possible with my history? But there are all those times I had problems with getting hard with women which makes me worried I might be exclusively gay.


I have also told my girlfriend about this and she is fine with it, and I love her so much for it.


I don't wan't to do anything with a guy, ever. For now at least. Maybe me comming to terms with being bi and accepting myself more will take me even further towards the truth about my sexuality, I'm just so afraid of what I will find out....


Any thoughts about my story? Any advices on what I should do? What do you think I am?

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to help me.

I think that is a very good response and kind of what I needed to hear.

Im still not sure exactly where I'll end up but what I do know is that I need to focus and positive things instead of having this echoing in my head.


Im very sorry if I came of a bit harsh and offended anyone and it is so fucked up that we are living in a world where this forum even has to exist, but yet, here we are...

Thanks again!