I am sick of being in the closet. I feel like at school and home I’m hiding because I don’t want my parents to find out from an alternative source. I think I want to come out to my parents and i already started coming out at school. The thing is, for one, I only started questioning a year ago. Is it too soon to come out to my parents? I would be coming out as “not straight” because it leaves room for flexibility. The other thing is that I am scared of coming out the wrong way. I was thinking about writing each of my parents a letter. I’d see how my mom takes it and then come out to my dad. I would also do my best to not be home when they read it and ask them to write me a letter back in response because I get really uncomfortable with talking about feelings in person. Another idea would be to write a short story and give that to them. I’d email it to them while I’m out of the house. It’d definitely be more interesting and require more thought. I’ve never been one to take the easy way though. My final idea would be to write a song parody then record it and send it to them when they aren’t home. Overall, i just hope that they are okay with me (which I think they will be). Also the last two ideas i’d be able to share with the rest of my family when I’m ready. Please let me know which idea you think is best!!
Hey illbehere, that's a wonderful step to be taking! There's no such thing as coming out 'too soon', other than coming out before you feel like you want to/are ready for it - unless your safety is at risk (which does not seem to be the case for you). If this is something you want to share with your parents now, then now is the right time. Especially since you're not going with a label straightaway - if you change your mind about what best suits you, you won't have any explaining to do this time, or a 'second coming out', as it were. There's also no 'right way': all of your options sound wonderful, and ultimately it'll be up to you what you're most comfortable with. That said, a letter, in which you're open about your feelings and not hiding behind jokes or fiction, will most likely be the clearest way, with the smallest chance that they'll misinterpret it. But if a short story or song parody would feel more true to yourself and more comfortable for you, then by no means let that stop you. Just (going by my own experience) don't let it become a procrastination method - ie when you start to become so perfectionistic about making the most hilarious song parody that in the end you'll never finish it because it always needs 'just a little improvement'! They're also not mutually exclusive options - you could always write a song parody, for example, with an accompanying letter, just to clear things up and make sure they get the message right? While I think it's a good idea to ask your parents to write you a letter back, I do think it's good to acknowledge that eventually, some talking will need to happen. Maybe not a formal sit down talk about your feelings in a therapy way kind of session, but your parents are likely to have some questions that come up after they write you a letter, and even for you, being out may make it that at some point you want to talk about a girl and doing that for the first time will be uncomfortable and something you need to grow into a little. I understand how terrifying it must be, but I actually think your coming out may be a good time to talk for a bit and get that first step out of the way so that in the future you don't worry about talking about your sexuality so much anymore. Talking about feelings is scary, ì know - I suck at it myself! - but it is something that sometimes is necessary, and it's actually really good for yourself, too, to do so. Coming out is something that comes with a lot of feelings, both for your parents but especially for you, and there's absolutely no shame in that. It's not mandatory to talk by any means, either, but just be aware that your parents may not want to leave it at just a letter. Regardless - best of luck to you! Coming out is not easy but it's a huge relief, as almost everyone will tell you. From what you've said in other posts as well, I'm sure your parents will be okay with it, especially if you give them a little time to get used to the idea after coming out (sometimes it can come as a bit of a shock, but that doesn't mean they're not accepting). It'll be worth it for sure!
Hello! You're in the same position I was in last week when I came out to my mom. I think a sign you're ready to come out is when hiding bothers you so much you just want to tell someone. That's how it was for me. My feelings for women were such a big part of my life that I wasn't able to share and it started to make me feel sad. From what you've said on here it sounds like your mom at least knows. Mine did too as it turns out and she was fine with it. I didn't actually use a label when I came out to her either, I just said I liked guys and girls but if she asked me to be more specific I would say I was bi which is what I identify as if people are looking for a label. I honestly came out in a text. I wanted to keep it casual because I didn't want it to be a big deal but I was honest about how I felt and she responded really well. A letter would work too though, I almost did that. If you were looking for ideas on what to say or what I sent my mom I would be fine with posting the text I sent her if you would find that helpful. I think it's great you're ready to come out.
Thank you so much for replying! I do think that I will end up going with the letter, although I might write a parody or short story to come out to my siblings since they are younger. I figured i would need to talk to my parents at some point. But the less talking the better. My biggest question right now is do i come out to both at once? And do i write each of them a letter? Thanks again for your help.
Congrats! I’m glad it went well for you. You don’t need to post the text but thank you. I agree with wanting to keep it casual. That’s why I’m going with a letter for the most part. I’ll probably make a parody for the fun of it. Quick question though. Do you have any siblings? If so, younger or older and are you out to them.
That sounds great! You should do what you feel comfortable with! I do have one sibling actually. I have a sister who is fifteen. She was actually the first one I told. She was confused at first but was and is very supportive.
