Hello. I’m so happy this forum exists. I don’t know where else to go and I’m so lost. I’m currently out as bi to friends and family, and I’ve been dating a really great guy since January. I truly think I love him and I care about him, but lately I can’t stop thinking about women. I’ve only ever dated men, and I’m carrying around a lot of trauma from a 6 year long abusive relationship I left a year ago. I always feel like something is missing, and I find myself thinking “I wish I was a lesbian”. I feel so terrible because I’ve gotten really deeply involved with a man. But I just don’t think of men sexually very often. It could be the trauma or something, but I find myself thinking that I will lose my mind if I don’t know what it is to experience a relationship with a woman. I need to know if this yearning and passion is just something I’ve put into my head because I’m trying to self sabotage the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, or if there’s a chance that this is what I’ve felt is missing my whole life. I need advice. I’m so sorry for the wall of text.
Hey welcome to EC. Don't be sorry, EC is a great place. It is really difficult to figure things out sometimes. Were you out as bi before you have the traumatic experience. Have you ever been with a woman?
I relate to you on some level. I’ve dated men before and every time I never feel connected to them. I used to think it was always because of assault trauma I experienced with a guy many years before. I dated this one guy for 3 years (after my trauma incident) and I never could be intimate with him. Every time I tried it was very hard and I just couldn’t connect with them very well on that level. I definitely know how you feel on that part. I’m currently in therapy and have been seeing my therapist for almost a year. Honestly it’s changed so much. I used to think it was trauma causing me to not like men, but now the more I start resolving my trauma the more I realize I like women more. Of course I still like men but I seem to like and connect with women on a deeper level. I suggest seeing a therapist if possible. It will help you resolve a lot of your trauma. Anyways, how I realized the fact I like women more wasn’t due to my trauma, but it was based on my life. I’ll explain how that is. As I started resolving my trauma, I started remembering parts of my childhood and I remember they were times where I really liked girls and boys from a young age. I would have crushes on girls for no reason and blame it on jealousy. Their were times in my life way before my trauma where I remember I was attracted to girls (which at the time I didn’t know). But finally realized. But at the same time I like guys too. Maybe take a look at your life (before you started dating this guy) maybe even way back into childhood and see if their were times where you really liked girls and boys at the same time or maybe just girls or boys exclusively. For me that’s how I knew that I like both guys and girls and not just guys exclusively.
