I sent out updates today to the people who are going out on the boat next weekend. It was just to let everyone know who else is going, what to bring, etc. I included my address and phone number, since everyone will be coming here. (I live on the water and have my own dock.) So one of the guys, whom I met last weekend, called me up. He works at a party supply store and wanted to know if I needed anything. He gets a discount and thought he would offer that if I needed it. So we're chatting - just small talk - like we had been at the pool party. All of a sudden, he asked me if I wanted to get together for lunch tomorrow. Now, he knows less about me than you folks here do. He does know I'm widowed and that I'm just peeping out from my self-induced exile. He knows I'm pretty shy. He doesn't know how damaged I am. So. Am I reading more into his invitation than is there? Should I be really upfront and tell him I'm not at all interested in dating anyone? He's actually really sweet and kind-hearted. He was one of the guys who went out of his way to make me comfortable at the pool party. I said I'd meet him for lunch. I don't want to look like an ass if I'm misreading things and he's just being friendly. P.S. To lighten things up, I'll ask this question: Do I sound like a teenage girl with all this crap?
Congratulations (*hug*) No, you sound like someone who has a Date Lol I wish I could say the same (!)(!)(!)
Hi KhanSaheb I have not been keeping up with goings on EC for some months so I don’t recall reading any of your other posts so I don’t know anything about you or the pool party you mentioned, all I have to go on is what you have written in this post. I have had my fingers burnt so many times by others taking advantage of my good nature that I no-longer trust anybody anymore however good their intensions seem to be. You have said you only met the guy last week, you are shy, widowed, and have a Boat at your own dock. If you watch "Burn Notice" on TV you don't want to become one of Michael Westerns clients. I am most likely wrong about this guy and he turns out to be a real nice guy and just wants to be helpfull, but you must bear in mind one possible answer to you closing question could be “An easy target for a conman” Have a good time on your lunch date but if I were you I would be cautious. I hope I have not offended you with this reply but it was from the heart and with good intention. SaleGayGuy
No offense at all. I can absolutely see how you could draw those conclusions from the info in just this post. But I'm far from being rich, so that's not the issue here.
Hi KhanSaheb You have set my mind at ease, I hope your lunch date goes off ok and he is a really nice guy. I see from your profile you live in a nice part of the world. I used to work for a company with an office in Boca Raton and have been to the Fort Lauderdale area on many many occasions and spent hours dreaming about all the boats on the intercostal. In fact one day owning a boat is one of my long term goals inspired by those on the intercostal, and I have been tempted on several occasions to use up my air-miles to visit the Fort Lauderdale boat show. I still miss sitting out in the bars on S Fort Lauderdale Blvd near the junction of Las Olas Blvd and watching the late evening procession of cars driving down the strip, especially the Fire Truck with the surf board on the side. SaleGayGuy
If he asked you for lunch it sounds like he just wants to get to know you; maybe it is nothing but it sounds like you are shy and a quiet person so he has done the asking. It maybe nothing. I have spoken to a few guys and said we should have lunch some gay; some not; some I don't know where they sit on the fence but they sounded interesting and I usually ask them because we have a common interest, have fun and don't stress yourself out about it. It could be good practice when you find someone you really like and it won't feel odd if you ask someone else out.
It was nice. I found out he's a widower, as well. We had lunch at a salad bar restaurant then went for ice cream. We talked for about three hours. It was harmless.
Pretty much what dublin boy said lol. It's a date. As a friend explained it to me, anything planned is a date. Even if it's with your mother haha.
Is there a next step - will you be in contact again? ---------- Post added 2nd Aug 2013 at 08:26 PM ---------- LOL. And I wish the definition was not like this at all. This means an intention to go for coffee or lunch just to b.s., on my behalf ... is a date to someone else. Yikes.
Me again. So I'm cleaning up and preparing for the party tomorrow and I get a text. It's Bob (not his real name). So he's in the area and wants to know if he can stop by to help. I texted back that I would enjoy the company, but I wasn't going to put him to work. He comes by, I'm all sweaty because I've been working outside on the boat, dock, and yard. So I take a break and we just sit on the veranda and chat for a while. We found out we have some things in common, like cooking, Scrabble, etc. Everything is fine, until he goes to leave. He tried to kiss me. I turned my head so it ended up being a kiss on the cheek, but it was really awkward. I'm not sure what to do from here. I really do like him. But, first of all, I thought I had made it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship nor a hook-up. Secondly, I've only known him for two weeks. We've been guests at a party and went to lunch once. I'm no prude. In my younger, wilder days, I must admit that I had my share of one-nighters. But that all changed when I met "D." I'm not sure now what to think or do. I'll see Bob tomorrow and we'll be in close confines on the boat, so I can't avoid him at all. Any suggestions? Thoughts?
Saying "I just happen to be in the area and can I stop by?" sounds like he's having a horny moment to me. I guess on a text, you wouldn't pick up the inflection as if it was on the phone. I think you should just act friendly, yet clinical, during the time you hang out on this boat. Is this a small sailboat or a large boat? If it's really small, you will be in really close proximity to each other. How does it go from this event on the veranda after sort of inviting himself over to another rendezvous in such a short time? Did you invite him, or did he invite himself again? Knowing that would help.
Hi Tightrope, We met two weeks ago at this Gay Men's Social Group that I just joined. (More info here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/102759-well-im-doing.html ) So I'm hosting this week's get-together on my boat. It's a 24' pontoon boat, built for 15 passengers. I'll have 10 guests. Bob is one of them. I really didn't want this sort of drama when I joined this group. I just wanted some camaraderie!
Since the event is already a go, I would suggest going thru with it, having a good time with the group, and quietly avoiding being alone with Bob (which may be easy or hard depending on the size and design of the boat and whether or not he wants to be alone with you). Once the event is out of the way, arrange to have time with Bob in a public place that still has sufficient privacy that you can hold a civil conversation without sharing it with everyone in sight. Lunch at a certain class of restaurant, a walk in a public park, etc. During this, politely explain to him that you like him, but only as a friend. Reiterate your situation about not looking for anything more than friends right now, etc. Hopefully, he will accept this and either be content to just be friends or at least back off until you eventually reach the point of wanting more than that, at which time he may be a potential more-than-a-friend (or not, that will all depend on if you reach that point and what you're looking for at that time). If he doesn't want to back off, that's another problem, but hopefully he will. One thing at a time and can cross that bridge if you come to it (with EC ready to offer advice if you want it of course). Hope this helps, Todd
It does help. Thank you. Below is a picture of the boat. You'll see that it's completely open, so nobody gets to be alone with anyone! Everyone is arriving within the next half hour or so. I've decided to just be aloof. He is a nice guy. I don't want to hurt his feelings by outright rejecting him. I just am not interested/ready for anything other than friendship.
Completely different boat than what I was picturing. I was picturing something with a hull and small stairs you took down to a cabin for sleeping and eating beneath the exposed deck. Either way, it looks like fun. Since other people will be around, you'll have the buffer you need, since you seem to want that. If he offers to stay later than the others to help clean up, you can nicely tell him that you've got it under control.
Maybe I am a bit more harder on things but I would leave out the word nice and just say you aren't looking for any relationship with anyone, friends is what you want and people to get to know better, and if you don't want to be kissed them say that as well, yes it might hurt his feelings for a day but at least he knows where he stands. Maybe because we have grown up having to hide our feelings then we really don't say what we don't want. And how did the boat trip go, and when I thought of Florida I was kind of thinking that is the sort of boat it might be, or I wasn't surprised to see a picture of a boat similar to that.
The boat trip was great. The theme was Wine and Cheese on the Water. Everyone brought wine and a cheese to pair with it. The boat has a sound system, so I played The Verve Remixes collection (jazz remixes of old standards by Nina Simone, Sarah Vaughn, Willie Bobo, etc.) Everyone had a great time. I drove the boat and Bob mingled with everyone. I wasn't at all uncomfortable. When we got back to the house, we socialized a bit and everyone left sort-of en masse. Bob had carpooled to my place with three other guys, so that worked out. Today, I spent all day over at V&G's place. They're the ones who started the social group and we've already started to become close. Bob came over, as well as two other people. We just hung out around their pool all day. I did initiate a discussion with everyone about relationships and made sure to mention how I'm just not interested in one. This started a lively conversation and I was able to really express how I'm just barely getting out of my self-imposed exile and beginning to make gay friends again. I was able to talk with them about "D" and how I'm freaked out about the thought of even being touched by another man at this point. I got real compassion, as well as some light-hearted ribbing when they found out I haven't had sex in seven years! At the end of the day, everyone gave hugs as we were leaving. I did hug Bob and it really was different tonight. I think he got the message. He truly does have a big heart and I think he understands now.
I'm glad things went well! And that Bob apparently got the message. Most people would understand once they heard what you said...but there are those unfortunate block heads who wouldn't get a message even if it were wrapped around a ton block of concrete and tossed in the window. The party you had sounds interesting. I envy your guest, although right now I guess my finances would tend to dictate bringing a package of Velveeta and a jug of Carlo Rossi to such a party. Sigh....
