I think I came out? But no one believed me?!

I have written a coming out letter to my mother about being trans*. However things took an unexpected turn. We were out at the mall, having a drink and we started talking about psychology however the conversation somehow turned into a conversation about me. I don't know what happened, but by the end of the conversation I had told my mom that I felt like a girl, and had always felt like a girl.

Considering my mom has quite a lot of gay friends and has even been in contact with some trans* people, I was surprised by her reaction. She said she'd always love me no matter what, however didn't seem to understand what I'd said and basically took the information as me coming out as a gay male. She even implied that "All gay men are basically just girls deep down." I was actually a bit horrified that she thought this. She continued to lecture me about how usually in a homosexual relationship one of the men usually fits the role of the women and that what I was feeling was really just me being a really effeminate gay guy. And that in a gay relationship I could just act as the wife. She told me I should just find a guy who would be turned on by me cross dressing.

I tried to tell her I didn't feel male at all, but she seemed to completely draw a blank. I tried to say that gender identity and sexual orientation were different but she completely contradicted me, telling me that gender identity doesn't really exist when you're not in a sexual relationship. You only know you're gender when you're involved in a sexual relationship with someone and otherwise a gender identity doesn't really exist on its own. She said gender was just your genitalia. Furthermore she argued as I have never been in a relationship of any kind I therefore could not really know my gender identity. Basically her point was that gender, genitalia and sexual orientation were the same thing. She then said if I was not sure of my sexual orientation then I had no way of telling if I felt male or not.

She's has REALLY confused me, I was not even quite she what her point was when she was talking...It just seemed like somewhat of a rant.

I was then quite stunned when she started talking about my school and career options. It felt like she was completely missing the point. She just started talking about what university I should go to, where I'd feel comfortable and that others in my school feel exactly the same way as me. They just aren't admitting it! I also told her about being on EC, and her reaction was to tell me not to trust people I talk to on the internet. She even started to ask me about who it was I was talking to and their age, gender etc.


I asked her not to tell my father, as I'm worried how he'll react. Guess what?! As soon as he got home, she told him. Her reason for this was that she needs to know if I'll be going back to the same school after Summer. Therefore she was worried about paying the school fee. Finally she told me that I shouldn't label myself so early, but all I can think about is that, I didn't feel I was labeling myself. I thought I was just trying to be myself, which just happened to result in identifying as trans* but now I feel she's completely undermined me. And undermines what I've felt. I don't feel like I have a leg to stand on anymore because she seems to just completely dismiss me or argues against me. I felt so patronized!

I don't know how to react now. I don't know what to do. I feel like she hasn't really taken me seriously, or even believes me. The general message of the conversation was her telling me that I was just a gay male, and all gay men felt this way. Every time I try to say something it turns into a one way street. She ALWAYS ends up doing all the talking, and I can never get a word in edgewise. It's always been like this. She made me feel like I was wrong, like I had no idea what I was getting into and that I had no idea what I really felt... And I don't feel like I'm able to argue with her. :tears::tears::tears:


On the other hand I'm glad it wasn't as bad as it could have been...I mean it could have been really horrific...I know some will have it much worse so I'm grateful at the same time as feeling terrible, if that makes sense.

But...

I feel like giving in....I'm not able to argue with my family.....They just don't listen....:tears::tears:

 

Yeah, it did come up before I had a chance to give her the letter. I will also need to adapt it a bit. I also think it'll probably be the only way I'm going to be able to talk about too, without her drowning me out with her own voice...I guess it's now my best option...I feel like she's set a high bar with which I'll need to jump over to convince her of this.