If you have followed my posts here, you would see that I’ve got a best friend that I feel lustfully attracted to. I’ve debated telling him after he tells me about his hookups with his girlfriends. I get jealous and depressed because I can’t have him. His birthday was this week and he was telling me about all the prospective hookups he was going to have. It made me very depressed and upset that I couldn’t have him. So I had decided to tell him how I feel and the battle that rages in my head between my lust and rationality. Then tonight he got drunk at an event and came in to see me next door and said how wonderful of a friend I am and how I am a huge influence and part of his life, and how I’ve been a much better friend that anyone else he’s been friends with, and that he doesn’t deserve to have me as a friend. It’s touching because he comes off as an arse most of the time. But I do know there is something deep, deep, DEEP down inside that is a really great, loving individual. But as we went to the diner to eat later, I was reminded of the soulless, loveless individual that he is. And when he asked why I get so depressed when he talks about his hookups, I knew I couldn’t tell him the real reason. I knew that his affection for me is much more important than a lustful relationship, and if I told him, he would probably think that a lot of my “friendship” with him is because of sex. The other part that make me realize was that there was no hope in him hooking up with me, a guy. He told me of when he told his current “girlfriend” that he had boyfriends, and she was shocked. The key words after were, “I’ve had my experiences and I know that’s not for me. It was fun while I did, but it does nothing for me.” That immediately tells me that it just is impossible. So I won’t tell him. I’ll just continue to battle with my lustful and rational brain to keep focusing on the friendship that is there. After all, a friend will love and support another no matter what, right? Lust isn’t worth destroying or damaging a friendship over.
I think you have more than lust for him. It seems like a serious crush. Friendship is not about 100% pleasing or agreeing with one another. Hiding your true feelings is going to make you feel worse and him obliviously continue. Does he know you like guys? That would be a good first step.
Ahrmmm... not sure I agree that telling him is a good idea. Telling him you're gay, maybe. Telling him you have feelings for him... I'd tread very carefully. You can't "unring the bell" once you tell him, and it may impact your friendship, make him re-think what it means, cause all sorts of complications. So I'd suggest thinking long and hard about what you could lose if you tell him, and then debate whether that's a risk worth taking.
Yes, he know I like guys and girls. Although, for some reason, he thinks I am more heteroflexible than I am gay. Personally, I am homoflexible because I prefer guys but will have some women if they’re the right type. I know I can’t tell him.
