I say "I'm sorry" when I have done nothing wrong. Like, I'm in color guard, when I drop a flag, "I'm sorry." When someone else I am teaching a technique to drops a flag, "Sorry" When I am teaching anything in general and they still don't understand, "sorry" I wanted to get fast food, so my mom has to pay for it, "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry," I just felt I had to say I'm sorry. And then my mom goes, "I don't know what you're sorry for." Classmate says they'll be my partner on projects when they saw I was alone, "I'm sorry". Sorry, sorry, sorry! Sometimes I do feel really guilty when I ask for things, I feel selfish. I feel like an inconvenience to some people sometimes. And now I've noticed this other girl in my class, who also says sorry for things that aren't her fault. She tries to show me how to do something, and I seem a little lost about it and she apologizes. I've come across people who actually don't like it when I apologize excessively like this. I don't know how to fix it! >~< What is going on?
Don't worry! I'm the same exact way and I think it is basically a habit in people with lower self-confidence that feel they need to apologize for every little mistake because even though they know it was nothing inside, it still feels like a lot. Either way, I just wanted you to know that I am the same way and so are many people - my friends and I have recurring jokes about how often we say sorry, and I even own a t-shirt from Hot Topic that says "Sorry. I'm so awkward. Sorry. Sorry." xD I even apologize for saying sorry too much - when people say "you say sorry so often" I just go "I know I'm sorry". To be fully honest - I once apologized to my trash can for tripping on it. My trash can. It's an annoying habit but I think it is definitely better than being someone who never says sorry, you know?
Someone teased me for the same thing. I think they picked up on me being gay too and probably wanted to reassure me. They didn't know that I was totally crushing on their son at the time! Trust that you are who you should be, and that you have an equal place. No need to be any more or less "sorry" than anyone else. In my opinion it's good to be true to your word and say sorry only if you really mean it, not as a casual expression.
I used to do this all the time, I would say sorry for everything. Then a few people commented on it and so I made a conscious effort to stop saying sorry for everything. I do think it stems from having low self confidence.
I'm the exact same way, and it gets to the point where people get pissed off at me for overly apologizing. It's a mentally ill thing for me, though I can't speak for everyone else.
I say sorry all the time. For me it's not a bad habit, it's just another (somewhat somewhat annoying) part of my culture. Sorry, I'm British. ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 09:10 PM ---------- I say sorry all the time. For me it's not a bad habit, it's just another (somewhat somewhat annoying) part of my culture. Sorry, I'm British.
It can be annoying to those who are around you alot and those who are close to you. Just like my habit of asking my mum if she is OK repeatedly if I sense very slightly that she might not be. And I hate when people do that to me I work with an apologiser. It is not only you who carries the burden of apologising, but those who are around you may feel the burden of having to reassure you a lot. It is exhausting. As for using culture as an excuse, I am British and I do not apologise profusely. It is a matter of self-reflection, self-esteem, maturity, responsibility for your actions and emotions, recognising when or even IF you truly have done something wrong, and also recognising that other people are responsible for their emotions. If they have a problem with something you have done they should tell you. If they do not, you need to move on. I also find sometimes that some people who profusely apologise to others, are also the same type of people to quickly jump down other people's throats for perceived "wrongdoings". Ironic, that. ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 09:39 PM ---------- It is not very relaxing being around these people. You are either having to exert energy to reassure these people because they are constantly apologising because they think they have done something wrong, or you feel you need to be defending yourself because they think YOU have done something wrong and are attempting to challenge you/bring you to justice/highlight your wrongdoing. Guilt-trips being dished out everywhere, either to the self or to others. ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 09:41 PM ---------- To the woman I work with, I invite her to stop apologising. Having to reassure someone a lot is exhausting because validation for being OK should be intrinsic, not extrinsic.
What's really going on underneath all the apologies is "I'm sorry for existing." It's coming from a place of deep belief that we are not worthy of love and belonging. You won't really solve the problem until you work on the worthiness piece. And that involves truly owning the feelings, understanding where they came from, and re-educating your unconscious self that you are, in fact, worthy of love and belonging. Another piece that nearly always goes along with this is inability to ask for what you need. And that's another place to work. Brené Brown's three TED talks (Power of Vulnerability, Price of Invulnerability, Listening to Shame) and her book "Gifts of Imperfection" give a great introduction to this, and Kristin Neff's TED talk on self-compassion is also very worthwhile. But watching videos and reading books won't solve the problem... that will take time and real effort (and, ideally, some good therapy.) The good news is, if you do the work, you'll end up being a much happier person.
I always say sorry. Peopple get annoyed about it. I don't know what to say when someone says that I say sorry to much so I say I'm sorry. It's my default, and most of the time its the only words I can muster.
I used to do it all the time as well. What helped me change was looking up the definition for sorry and apologize. I then said 'I apologize' when I felt it was my fault and 'I'm sorry' basically only for condolences or saying I was unhappy with something. For some reason that changed my outlook on a lot of things.
I do that, but it's mainly because of my lack of confidence. I guess you just have to train it out of yourself?
