I don’t know if anyone else has experience with this, but for me, and it seems like for others as well, the first “real” crush you have on someone of the same sex who really opens your eyes to who you are stays with you for a long time. It’s been almost two years for me, I almost never see her, and I’ve pretty much decided at this point that I need to get over her already, and I try to remind myself that I’m pretty much just idealizing her at this point. It’s not even a crush now. But every time I see her post something on social media, or hear her name, or interact with her at all, I waste the whole day thinking about her and if I might have any chance with her still. So tonight I was casually swiping on a dating app, as one does to try to find someone new to make them get over a crush, and between profiles of unicorn hunters and straight guys (still no answer on why there are so many straight dudes on lesbian apps?) I saw her profile. I didn’t recognize it because she spelled her name differently and used a blurry picture, and I was swiping left so often and fast that I accidentally swiped left on her. I swiped left two more times before my brain finally registered that it was her. I immediately tried to go back to see her, which of course, you can’t do on this app unless you pay $10 for the month for that feature. So, like the smitten idiot I am, I spent $10 to go back and see her profile so that I could swipe right and maybe match with her and live together happily ever after. But even with this feature, you can only swipe back one profile. I swiped left on two, which meant I was still one profile away from hers. What did I do in a panic? The only sensible thing to do, delete my profile, loose all my matches, make a new one, and swipe through the deck until I come across her profile. So now I have lost $10, as well as contact with some of the girls I was hoping to actually date from the app, real girls who I can actually be with, all for this one girl who I can’t stop thinking about. I don’t even know for sure if that was her profile, or if she would even swipe right on me. I just reacted so quickly and so strongly, I didn’t even realize what I was doing. Sometimes I think I’m making progress in moving on from her, but I guess I’m really not. I'm so frustrated with myself. I mean, what's done is done now, but I can't believe I did that, and have let myself spiral over this for two hours now. I just want to either be with her or get over her already, but I feel stuck in the area in between.
That's a real bummer. Maybe you could try and just talk to her and not communicate via cheesy pickup lines and sexting. It would be a better way to get to know each other better.
