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I often hate being touched down there - am I dysmorphic?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Sayu Yonemori, Apr 30, 2023.

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  1. Sayu Yonemori

    Sayu Yonemori
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    F, 28yo, bi - I'm married and have been with my hubby for almost a decade.

    I've always been a tomboy. When I was in high school, people would confuse me with a boy all the time. And it flattered me. I was so proud whenever it happened...

    Long story short, not thinking I'd ever find a guy (though I did and still do like both guys and girls), I actually managed to find one. He was my first ever serious relationship and we got married 6 years later.

    Thankfully, he's very accepting of my tomboyish appearance. He knows I'm bi. But I often find it unpleasant when he touches me, esp. down there. It's like I'm ashamed of what I have between my legs or something. I haven't told him this as I don't want to hurt him. And it's nothing wrong with him, just me. I don't have any sexual harassment trauma or anything. I don't know why I feel this way.

    I like having sex with him and don't mind my female role in it. It's just these random touches, e.g. in bed when we're cuddling before sleep. I usually yank or close my legs promptly to keep him away. But I'd like to change that. I love him.

    What should I do?

    Thanks!
     
    #1 Sayu Yonemori, Apr 30, 2023
  2. quebec

    quebec
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    Sayu.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives.

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    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message.

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    #2 quebec, Apr 30, 2023
  3. Bob J20

    Bob J20
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    I feel for your position. I’m sure it is very uncomfortable. I am in the opposite position and can only give you my perspective of being the one who is blocked. I am with someone who also crosses her legs when I try to touch her “down there”. It sends a very clear message that she doesn’t want to be touched. From a male’s perspective it is disappointing, because that is a part of foreplay that excites me because it is a way for her to relax and feel how wonderful that part of anyone’s body can deliver pleasure. I consider myself a “pleaser” and making her feel good by touching her makes me feel good. I once had a gf who would let me rub her breasts to start and as I worked my hands down lower, just before my hand reached that very special place, she would open her legs and give me complete unrestricted access to her very private parts. It made me feel so good that she enjoyed me touching her and it gave me extreme pleasure doing it. It made me feel so trusted and sometimes she would orgasm and after it was completely over, and as she lay there with that wonderful feeling our whole body feels I would enter her very slowly as she laid there. It was so wonderful for both of us. I remember telling her once how good it made me feel when she opened her legs for me and how much it made me want to pleasure her. From that point on I couldn’t wait for her to do that and how it lead to such wonderful sex. My current situation doesn’t allow for that and it makes me feel guilty when she touches me with the intent to pleasure me. A sexual massage for that area allows me to just relax and lay there and feel how good it feels when we just focus on the pleasure. We were all made with parts of our body that delivers pleasure. To me it is very rewarding to give that kind of pleasure as well as receive that kind of pleasure and I hope you find a way to relax and take advantage of what our creator has so skillfully design for us. Variety is truly the spice of life.
     
    #3 Bob J20, May 2, 2023
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