I feel like I've just hit a point in my life where I just don't even know what to do anymore. I've had some areas of my life planned out for a bit and everything has changed and I feel lost. I quit my last job a few months back due to a homophobic co-worker and a boss that did nothing to fix it. After leaving I filed for unemployment and it was turned down after going before a judge due to my boss lying under oath and saying she only knew about the incidents 6 days before I quit, when in reality I had told her two weeks prior to quitting. I've been in a relationship with an absolutely wonderful man for two years now, yet I keep thinking about my ex to the point I've had dreams about us having made it. My current boyfriend is the sweetest guy I have ever met and I've never felt so loved by anyone before in my life. 3 years ago though we broke up for a bit due to him "making a dumb decision" (his words, not mine) and wanting to give dating someone else a chance over me, which led to me and my now ex meeting and going out for 9 months. Everything between us was great until I was blindsided by him leaving me for someone else while I was away for work and coming back to him lying to my face about it only for me to find out the truth a month later. An argument broke out and things ended with both of us doing things that I'm sure neither of us is proud of, with my reaction to everything being quite a bit worse than his. I feel like this chapter of my life needs some closure as it's now been 3 years since everything happened and although he caused it, I feel like I need to make amends/somehow apologize and have it be accepted for everything that went down. I've always said that I would pursue Mathematics as my major in college, but I could never decide on exactly what I want to do for a job after graduating. Data entry/finance/number analysis comes to mind due to the amount of money I could make but it doesn't seem to be a career I would love. I thought about teaching math which really sparks my interest as without a few of my high school teachers I never would have survived life to this point as they got me out of some pretty dark times. I recently took a Sociology course and found it to be amazing but I have no idea what I would pursue as a job with that major. I would like to travel to different places and try talking with kids/young adults about getting through their trying times in school. Back to the current boyfriend, everything is amazing between us. We both love being silly together and emotionally we're extremely compatible. We're even in the process of purchasing a house together. I want to marry him and I know he feels the same. But at the same time it feels like some spark (for lack of better words) is missing that I had with my ex. Personality-wise he was a dominating person which I enjoyed as I am naturally more passive. I like a cliche man that takes charge which my ex did, a lot. We were kind of like Anna and Christian for anyone that understands that reference and I miss it. I have no real "family" to vent this to as they turned their backs on me after finding out I was gay and though one member and I are still close this just isn't the type of thing I would feel comfortable telling them. My friends are amazing, they've become my family in every sense of the word yet even then I don't feel comfortable telling them this. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have no room to breathe and am overwhelmed yet I'm unemployed and have all the time in the world outside of the 3 classes I'm taking right now. Tl;dr I'm having a personal crisis with everything in my life and need help.
