So, it's my first post here. For some time now I'm really confused and a bit scared because I started to notice that I don't fit into the "normal" categories about gender. I'm not sure what to say. For years I pretended to be a boy on the Internet and it made me happy. I thought it was just a phase because I went through stuff before doing that. But the phase didn't go away and I started to feel bad about lying to people so I came clean and after that I had to live like.. a normal girl - I mean I don't have anything against being a female, I'm OK with my gender because I like men, but... I felt like something big was missing, like a hole or something when I wasn't referred to as a man. My family kind of knows about me liking boyish stuff but when I tried talking to them about removing my breasts they looked at me as if I had lost my mind. (I don't really want to become a boy, I just don't like having breasts. I would feel better, and more "me" without them.. and they are pretty huge so binding isn't an option for me.) I made some research and I think I'm probably Androgyne but I'm not really sure. I just don't feel good in my body and I can't talk honestly with anybody about it because when I made attempts they started judging me and that made me feel really bad about everything. I just don't know what I am supposed to do or think about myself and I can't talk about it :icon_sad:
If you think you might be androgynous or agender (and it sounds like you might be), I HIGHLY recommend reading through this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/150966-androgyne-identity.html. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask! Good luck! <3
Thank you for the quick reply. I went through the thread and I'm pretty positive that this is what I've been feeling, but I'm still scared of telling my friends (even though I think they can kind of guess it) and even more my family. I come from a pretty conservative environment - at least about sexuality - and I'm sure that they won't understand. In my family we don't really talk about feelings or anything related to them. When I tried talking to them about this they actually laughed at me and mocked me ever since. I'm not sure I will ever be free to fully express myself and be happy with my body if I try to please them and be a "normal" tomboyish girl. Is it right for me to leave the decision of altering my breasts only up me? And if I do chose to go through it how can I be sure that this is really what I want? I'm not sure how I should proceed now because if I do this I would create big problems in my family. Does anyone have an experience in this kind of situation? Can somebody give me an advice?
Your body is yours alone. You should be able to do whatever makes you comfortable. As for your second question... I think the only person with that answer is you. I felt so depressed today, and wondered if maybe I wanted to stop everything and go back the way I was before I started questioning my gender. But those feelings faded after I ended up shaving. I knew deep in my gut that Ashe is becoming more than my online persona. I know that breast reduction is much more drastic, but I think it still applies. Only YOU know what you're going to be happy with. By the next time I see my extended family, I'll probably be looking androgynous. It's my life. I don't need their approval to be me. To be happy. Neither do you. I wish I could tell you exactly what it's going to be like, but I can't. I can however, offer you my services if you ever want to talk. (*hug*)
You could try binding your breasts and see how you feel. If it still does not satisfy you, then you could think about doing something to them. I can't think about anything to do with your family, I also live with one that wouldn't take me seriously if I came out as trans* and they're not very LGBT supportive.
Yeah, I understand what you're saying but I can't help but feel a little bit guilty if I decide to ignore my closest people. I understand what's best for me but it's still a little hard go in this alone. Anyways, thanks for the advice. You're awesome (*hug*) I've thought about binding for some time now but I wasn't sure how to go about it - about size, price and stuff. I have pretty big boobs and after some research I still can't decide what kind would be the best for me.. and I can't really spend much on it at the moment (probably under 20-15£). I agree that the smarter choice is to try binding first before I do something drastic. If somebody can give me an advice on choosing the size for a binder (my bra size is about 34H I think) it would be much appreciated :rolle:
