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i might come out today

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by medamaude, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. medamaude

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    recently, i've really been wanting to come out to my mom. we're very close and i tell her everything, so i feel like it's natural for me to want to fill her in on something that i've been struggling with figuring out and accepting for such a long time (almost 4 years of questioning). yesterday i was considering it, but my mom was having a really tough day and so was i, so i wanted to wait for a better time. i went to sleep and had a dream i came out to her. and today, i really felt like it was time, but my anxiety was telling me all the ways i could fuck it up. my mom came home and noticed that i was acting different. it wasn't a conscious decision to make her realize something was up, but i knew deep down i wanted her to bring it up first so i could say it. i told her it was something important, and that if she wanted to wait for a better time for me to say it. she said that it's true that she was tired right now, but that i could tell her when we go to the theatre tonight when she'll feel better and more relaxed. i agreed, and basically i'm now shaking while typing this and my heart rate is up the roof.
    thankfully i know that she won't have an extremely negative reaction, but my biggest fear is that she'll be dismissive and tell me "it's just a phase" or "you're not old enough to be sure, you'll change your mind in the future." i'm aware i'm extremely lucky to have that be my main concern and not for example, getting disowned, but it would still be very hurtful to me considering i had such a hard time accepting and being confident in my identity.
    so yeah, that's the situation right now. i'm sure it'll go well enough, and i mostly just wanted to share this with people that might've had similar experiences, but i would also really appreciate it if anyone has some advice on:
    -how to word it in a way that would be easy for her to understand and avoid her being confused and dismissive.
    -how to deal with the extreme anxiety of coming out
    TL;DR: i'm coming out to my my mom tonight and i'm just looking for advice and comfort cuz i'm super nervous.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! Try to take a deep breath. Going by what you have mentioned about your relationship with your mom, chances are it will be just fine. If you think about your relationship with your mom and the fact that you can share with her everything, you probably have already said things in the past (perhaps seemingly insignificant things) that have helped to lay the groundwork. In other words, your mom might have already some ideas and a feeling that a coming out is around the corner.

    Sometimes we worry about the if and then and the potential end results not realising that our parents, siblings and other family members, friends are just waiting for us to be ready and come out.

    She might need a bit of time to come around to it or understand it better. If that's the case, you'd be the person to help her understand it or learn that nothing has really changed and that you are still you.

    One question to ask yourself is: was there ever a time where your mom said something that would indicate she wouldn't react well?
     
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  3. medamaude

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    thank you for your reply! although my mom's religious (catholic) she isn't an extremist whatsoever, and i remember since i was a little kid asking her what she thought about gay marriage as soon as i heard about it, and at the time she was indifferent, saying she accepted LGBT people but because of her religion she didn't really agree on people of the same gender getting married. i then asked her how she would react if i was gay, and she said she would love me either way. a lot of time has passed since then, and she's waaay more accepting of LGBT people now, although her position is still the same when it comes to marriage. i know she won't be waving rainbow flags on the street after i tell her, but she wouldn't react in an agressive way. also i'm sure she has at least some vague idea of what i'm going to tell her, so i'm trying to get over the worry of her just ignoring me and saying it's a silly phase.
    still kinda nervous though, lol.
     
  4. Mirko

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    Reading over your response, I'd be very surprised if your mom reacted in any other way than being supportive. In some ways, you have already come out by asking if she would accept you if you were gay. :slight_smile:

    What might help is to trying to tell yourself that she already knows, and all you want to do is to confirm it.
     
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  5. medamaude

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    update: so, i did it. she was super accepting! i admit i'm still a bit overwhelmed since this was a pretty big thing for me and my mind is all over the place. it wasn't perfect, and i didn't say all i wanted to say, but i'm glad i did it and my mom thanked me for being so open with her. thanks for the advice!
    now if you'll all excuse me, i'm going to pass out :dizzy_face: what a day lmao
     
    #5 medamaude, Feb 23, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2019
    Dryad, Dionysios, SPatrick and 6 others like this.
  6. Chiroptera

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    Congratulations! That's a huge step!

    I'm happy that she was accepting! That's great. :slight_smile:
     
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  7. Mirko

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    Congratulations! Very happy for you that you were able to take the step and that everything went well! :slight_smile:
     
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  8. Phoenix90

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    Congratulations! It's awesome that she was so accepting. Good for you! :slight_smile:
     
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  9. SPatrick

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    I ditto what the rest have said. Very happy for you my friend.
     
  10. Rade

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    Many congratulations ☺️
     
  11. jacobsweat

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    want me to make you feel a bit better with how yours went? mine was probably the weirdest (but still good) outcome possible. I came out to my mom and stepdad, and it went super great, they were really accepting, and they gave me the updated and modified birds and bees. but then, my mom turns around in her seat (we were in the car) and comes out to me as bi herself, then to top off the cake, she outed my sister to me. then, the next day, my nephew (sister's son, he's 13, she's 32, I'm the youngest of my mom's kids at 14) came out to me as bi when I came out to him. I had the craziest emotional rollercoaster for about two or three days.
     
  12. Dionysios

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    So happy for you!