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I have doubts on the days I feel gender-neutral

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by XxSunXDragonxX, Jul 3, 2015.

  1. XxSunXDragonxX

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    I'm bigender and it really sucks. Some days I'm sure of myself, and other days I feel stupid. How the hell do I cope with this? It's getting old. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Matto_Corvo

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    Thought I was the only one (gender fluid, leaning heavily on the male side. Afab ). And I was actually gonna make a post about this, so thank you!

    When I worry about transition or start to feel depressed that might not be able to for one reason or another I can feel/sense my gender sort of shifting to neutral. I think its my brains way of stopping me from sinking to low. Sometimes I even hit the masculine end of female, which disturbs me to no end.
    At these times I start feeling rather stupid. Something along the lines of 'am I really seriously thinking of transitioning?' And I worry if I am being silly or something of the sort.
    When this happens I tend to dress as masculine as I can and style my hair a little manly and take a long analytical look in the mirror. Its the feeling I get at seeing the masculine me that reassures me that my maleness is still there somewhere and wants out for the rest of the world to see.

    I don't know if that would help you are not but it is how I cope with it.
     
  3. XxSunXDragonxX

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    I stare at myself in the mirror too...it helps me a little bit, but not enough to make things any better. :frowning2:
     
  4. Matto_Corvo

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    Yeah, the neutral feeling will still be there when I move away from the mirror. I just push through it knowing that it will pass.
     
  5. XxSunXDragonxX

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    I have self-esteem issues when it comes to other things. It's pulling me back. GGAARRGG!!! BEING SELF-CONSCIOUS IS ANNOYING!!! :bang:

    My brain and my mind always fight each other. I over-think things and that stresses me out...then the doubt comes into play.

    I guess the real question is how do I cope with my lack of self-esteem? :icon_sad:
     
  6. Matto_Corvo

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    I have no clue on that one. In the same boat as you.
     
  7. XxSunXDragonxX

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    Life is hard. ._. I guess I should keep trying. Thanks for making me feel less alone. ^__^'
     
  8. XxSunXDragonxX

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    Okay, I guess I was doubtful 'cause I was still confused. -sigh- I am gender fluid. Thank you again though.
     
  9. Matto_Corvo

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  10. XxSunXDragonxX

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  11. fafafawfafwfa

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    ............................................

    ---------- Post added 4th Jul 2015 at 11:40 PM ----------

    you're thinking too much
     
  12. Matto_Corvo

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    My hair is a little longer now since I go months to a year between hair cuts. My aunt said with it's current length I look like an anime boy (sounds like a compliment to me)

    I do a lot of Google searches and it seems doubts are normal no matter trans identity you have. Its also healthy. It means you are thinking it over and not rushing into a huge life changing thing on a whim.
    In the end though, trust your gut. Often time it knows more than you think.
     
  13. XxSunXDragonxX

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    Yes I have in fact eased in to trusting my gut. ^__^

    My hair is curly, so I'd look like a little girl if I grew mine out. .__.

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2015 at 01:36 AM ----------

    Your profile is quite...interesting. Lol

    Yes, you are right. I do think too much. Better to think too much than too little I suppose. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #13 XxSunXDragonxX, Jul 5, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2015
  14. Gratitude

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    I'm wondering if seeing pictures or videos of yourselve(s) in a natural environment with other people would be helpful? I know that over the years, there have been many reminders for me, that I don't always look the way I might see myself in the mirror....it can be a real Eye-opener! It's actually helped me to get to know myself on many different levels, and, haha, I have had to accept, that indeed, I am very short! :slight_smile: Wishing you all the best!
     
  15. Matto_Corvo

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    My hair is rather thick and rather straight. My brother's hair actually does the crockscrew curl things when he let's his grow out

    Yeah, my gut tells me that I have questioned my gender multiple times in the past and will do so in the future if I don't transition, and that at some point I will transition. I still have doubts though but I believe that that is normal
     
  16. XxSunXDragonxX

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    I've contemplated about getting my breasts removed, but I don't know. I think a chest binder would be more appropriate for me, 'cause I'd flip out right after the surgery. Haha.

    But yeah, trust your gut. Do what you feel is right. Be who you were meant to be. (*hug*)
     
  17. Matto_Corvo

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    I freaked my last doctor out after my gallbladder surgery. I went from knocked out to wide awake and alert, holding a fully coherent chat with the nurse. They had never seen it before
     
  18. XxSunXDragonxX

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    Haha, a similar thing happened to my brother, except he was drunk. :lol:
     
    #18 XxSunXDragonxX, Jul 5, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2015
  19. ThroughTheMist

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    This happens to me pretty much every time I wake up from anesthesia - even the time that I was given two rounds of Versed/fentanyl followed by I don't even know how much deep sedation (the first combo did nothing for me, so they had to knock me out completely). I don't necessarily remember everything afterwards, but I do feel and act reasonably coherent right after I wake up.:grin: