Okay, so this is an issue that I had for years, but I still can't explain it to myself very well and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. First, I'd like to tell that, yes, I tried to figure out if I'm transgender and I found out that I'm just a cisgender person that hates their gender role without any desire to go through sex reassignment surgery (just a little, but I'm working on it). Now that being said, I've learned to hate femininity and things associated to females by my family. Back then, I could choose to be or not feminine. When the people that were with me began to force me into the female gender role, I was devasted. You can already guess how uncomfortable that was. I tried to make myself more masculine and denied my bisexuality specifically because of my attraction to men. Nowadays, my attempts to make myself look and act like a masculine being have been doing more harm than good, but I'm always wondering if it's really worth to be myself. It feels humiliating to be perceived as feminine even if it's the natural way I am. Of course, I feel less shame today since I can recognize what's happening, but what am I supposed to do?
It's rather sad that you feel that being perceived as feminine is humiliating, femininity is empowering on various levels. It's expressive, it's gentle, it's strong, it's maternal, it's warm. A lot of things we have in today's world would not be here if it weren't for strong feminine personalities. It's a lot of things that we as humans should all posses. (Similarly I would say the same positive things about masculinity). However bare in mind that being a man or being more masculine does not mean that you should not posses feminine characteristic's. The most well-versed/balanced individuals out there in our world today posses a good balance of the two. That's more difficult to achieve than just possessing the skills and traits of one. Perhaps you need to do some soul searching, write down what are the things you dislike so much about being feminine, what are some of the ways you could help yourself overcome those guilt's. Then write down what are some things that make you uniquely who you are because you are a feminine person. How have your feminine characteristic's molded you into who you are today and who you will be in the future.
