I hate being asexual.

Well relationships are more than sex as just about anyone would agree. Maybe you'll find someone who's asexual too!

I think you should be proud to be asexual cuz honestly, sex is overrated, and also gets people into trouble. Being sexual is more trouble than it's worthy really.

Did you and your girlfriend get in a fight over this perhaps?

 

I wouldn't worry about anyone else, you should be proud to be who you are. I mean, I used to be angry that I wasn't supposedly normal because I did not have the sexual desire to be with a man. And I agree with myheartincheck, perhaps finding a girl who's asexual too will be your best option. Although, sex is just another aspect of a relationship, it is an important one as well. I'm more attracted to women emotionally, but for there to be a sexual attraction, there also has to be a physical attraction.

 

wow...excuse my ignorance... i never knew asexual existed...or let alone there was a word for it... i feel for ya tootz... wish i could say something to make you feel better but i cant coz id be lying...

hope all goes well with ya

 

for a start, if you haven't already i would recommend either joining or just having a browse around the AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) forum. you will find many more people there who have gone through what you are going through than you will find on Empty Closets. i also have no doubt that you will come across answers to some of the things that you have asked/expressed in this thread. believe me, you are not alone in how you are feeling and it is entirely possible to lead a happy and fulfilling life as an asexual. you needn't spend your life alone, nor need you carry this burden that you seem to be placing on yourself.

in my humble opinion (and based solely on what i see in your post here, which means i may very well be wrong, of course) you seem to be looking at your asexuality in entirely the wrong light, and perhaps this is because you haven't been presented with a more positive light in which to view it in. i highly doubt you will ever be able to come to terms with your asexuality continuing the way you are now. i whole-heartedly believe that given time and positive influence from people like yourself, you will come to see that the way you are is fine. good things will come to you and partners won't necessarily leave you like you think they will. there are ways to make relationships work between asexual and sexual people, and you will find an entire forum dedicated to the topic on AVEN. also, don't assume that you are limited only to relationships with sexual people. if you are sex-repulsed, you will find plenty of like-minds on AVEN and various other places on the internet. there are even asexual meetups in Melbourne that are arranged on AVEN, so you could meet people like you in person.

if you are feeling isolated, alienated or alone, know that there are place and people that you can turn to, myself included. i may be demisexual, but i have been/are where you are and understand what you are going through. if you ever need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry (or vent!) on, please feel free to contact me via PM or via my wall. i really hate to see someone suffering like this and sadly EC isn't especially aware of asexuals / what asexuals go through....

 

I am in no way saying that you should leave EC, it breaks my heart when I hear that a member is leaving, but...if being a part of this community is doing more damage than good, maybe you should look into becoming a part of an asexuality forum (either instead of or in addition to EC), where you can find more people who can identify with your situation and are better equipped to help you, and you won't be bombarded by posts regarding sex.

Everybody has their own unique qualities, and something you may see as branding you a "freak" might be exactly what somebody else is looking for in a partner or, at the very least, something that the right person will accept and be supportive of. Yes, you are "different" in society's eyes, and that's something you're going to have to get used to...but you should not feel guilty. You are not defective or broken, and you are most definitely not unlovable.

I may not be asexual, but I understand feeling like you're just "damaged goods", and that no "normal" person could ever want to be in a relationship with you. I have physical and mental health issues that make dating me...tough. Very tough. And you know what? I've accepted that. Yeah, it's not how I would have chosen things to be, but this is my life, and I've got to make the best of it. When I first start seeing somebody new, I'm 100% honest about all the troubles that accompany being my partner, and they are free to take it or leave it with no hard feelings. Sure, some may decide that I am not worth pursuing, but those that do stick around are so worth it.

The right person won't do anything other than accept, support, and love you for exactly who you are. There may be some in the mean time that just don't get it, that try to make you feel inferior...but just keep holding on to that knowledge.

 

i have several friends under the asexual umbrella. some of which are in relationships.
the best thing to do would be to explain asexuality to your girlfriend when you decide to start having a relationship. just to get it out of the way. if she doesn't like it, then she's not right for you. and you never know, you might find an asexual girl. sex doesn't define a (good) relationship or invalidate it.

as for the threads, you're just going to have to ignore them. asexuals are a small percentage of the community. this site is a place for anyone who has questions about anything to come and get support. some of which pertain to sex.

 

...and for some reason i forgot to actually link to the AVEN forum to save you having to google it.

Asexual Visibility and Education Network

 

I must admit, at times I feel like a freak for being the way I am. Especially since most of the population connects on such a deep level of sexual intimacy in their relationships.

Sometimes I still wonder if I'll ever adjust to it all.

What makes me feel better is knowing I'm not alone, and that I don't have to worry about sex as others do. Which sounds silly, but it does cheer me up.

Hope this helps. :lol: even just a lil. :3

 

AVEN is kind of depressing at times though... the elitism they build around themselves for protection is so off putting.

 

Like others have said, sex is overrated. Most young people tend to blow it's importance out of proportion since of course, it does feel wonderful. But the fact is, it's really just an activity you do with someone, it's not an actual relationship. Partners may have sex (and on average, usually do in some way), but having sex is not what makes them partners. They're partners because they love each other. And they have sex because they love each other. Just like they go to see movies together, cuddle, go for long walks on the beach, talk about things, etc. Sex is just one of many things a couple can do, and it's certainly not the most important.

For example, here's my perspective as a "sexual" (bisexual to be specific). I feel attraction to people based on physical appearances (though not so much with girls, even in provocative outfits), but about 99.99% of the time I don't actually act upon that attraction (I think, "hmm cute guy" and go on with my life). However, when I meet someone who seems interesting to me as a person (we share interests, they make me laugh, I feel comfortable around them, etc), then I consider acting upon my feelings.

So enough with the intro, so I am a sexual person. I'm not a sex fiend (and perhaps less sexual than many), but still sexual. So anyways, despite that, when I have feelings for someone, I really couldn't care less whether we have sex or not. Sure, I find them physically attractive, but what I really long for is the closeness. Sex is one way to be close, but there are so many other ways too. Like cuddling together, holding hands, hugging, and then just knowing that we both love each other. That would be enough for me. I can honestly say that if I could love someone without ever having sex. I still have a normal drive, but that doesn't mean I need that to be part of the relationship. If the other person would rather not, that would be fine with me. The whole point of sex is that it's mutually exciting (at least in a healthy relationship), so if a partner of mine wasn't interested, I'd be just fine accepting that. We could bake cookies instead ^_^

There are of course varying takes on this. Some people really do require an element of sexuality in their relationships, and there's nothing shameful or wrong with that. It's up to individual preference. All I'm saying is that there are plenty of people out there who can easily put their sexual drive on the backburner and focus on other parts of the relationship.

Also, I get what you mean when you say you feel sort of ashamed/broken that you don't have a normal sex drive. There's no reason to be ashamed of that. The only time that would bother anyone is if you were snooty about it (i.e acting superior). Otherwise, to each his (or her) own. I'd advise explaining all of this to your girlfriend if you haven't already. If she doesn't know this is why you aren't sexually interested in her, she may be worrying that she's unattractive physically, or that you don't really care about her. Just explain to her that sex just makes you feel icky, and that you don't want sex with anyone, no matter how good looking they are. Make it clear it has nothing to do with her, and that you still love her just as much .

 

Surely there's many out there like you that never confront about it.

 

Your not alone there kiddo. For the longest time I also lacked a sex drive and it made things difficult with whoever I was with relationship wise. But it just takes finding the right person and you will be surprised!

 

I have been asexual my whole life...I'm 42. I've only recently discovered being gay-partly b/c of that. I am now finding that I actually do want sex. I never would have ever thought that would be true. I don't have any answers for you, but try to keep an open mind. As I found out, you just never know... (*hug*)

 

....EC really needs a "Like" or "+1" button.

 

I'd date an asexual, as long as she's fine with kissing :lol:.
In all seriousness though... Sex is not that important and I'm sure there are lots of sexual people like me who'd date asexual people like you (*hug*).

 

...you know that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, right?

why are you assuming that asexuals do not experience "complicated emotions, problems, and issues that are a pain to deal with"...? do you somehow think that asexuals are devoid of emotion and incapable of falling in love and experiencing the heartbreak & emotions that "drive people to do things that they normally wouldn't"....?

if so, then i'm afraid that you really don't understand what asexuality is. you seem to be confusing sex(ual attraction) with romance/romantic attraction and love.