I guess it's happening

I think both, almost independently. I seek relationships because I tend to feel really alone, and I guess that's where my codependency kicks in. But that's always been with women, I've not really had a drive towards seeking relationships with men. I think that's one of the biggest challenges to come for me. I'm hoping maybe it will mean I'm not as codependent with men and I can have a more genuine relationship.

But sex is very validating. It makes me feel good, and obviously somebody who is choosing to have sex with me, who I tend to find attractive though this hasn't always been the case, is saying they find me attractive by way of choosing to have sex with me. And I tend to be told that I am a good lover, which I take pride in. It's silly to take pride in that, but I do. Sex is also an easy fix for when I'm bored. And it's a quick and easy connection with somebody that takes almost no work to really grow.

Admittedly, I'm trying to use sex less. I haven't hooked up with anybody random in almost a year, except for one guy while I was in Texas in April. I've decided that when I start dating, I will look for getting to know guys first and not just rush into their pants. Even my FWB situation, we're best friends so there is more of a bond there than simply hooking up. It's not a romantic relationship, but they mean more to me than some random hookup off of a web site would. It's actually been a weird discovery in itself that sex can be even better when you care about the other people involved.