I give up... I'll be forever alone

Hey GrayAkashi,

I truly FEEL for you! Gay dating can truly suck. But you should never give up so easily. The answer that I've found is to be more inventive and to dare to push past your natural shyness; break out of the mold.

I see that you list your location as Slovenia. I've only been there twice (riding through on a train and only stopping over briefly each time in Ljubljana. I don't know what the gay culture is like in Slovenia, but I imagine that it is not dissimilar to what I was somewhat familiar with in Croatia. Generally speaking, I imagine that you cannot be open about your sexuality. But, to only add to the problem, gay dating apps only lead you to hookups, not true potential romantic partners. When I was in Croatia, gay dating apps didn't exist, so I explored the local community and suspect that there is a very real gay community under your feet. How do you connect with REAL people and not just those that are looking for a hookup? You have to find the local gay community. First, I would recommend that you get rid of those Gay dating apps. These days, a little research on the internet will often give you clues as to where local LGBTQ hangouts are located. What you should be looking for are locales that are local and friendly, not high-profile gay bars or clubs (where most guys are only looking for hookups). You're looking for locations that are gay-friendly, but where LGBTQ people just 'hang out'. If you start finding and frequenting these types of locations, you are likely to make inroads into making connections in the REAL local Gay community. You may find yourself a BF in short order or it may take some time, but you are much more likely to be satisfied with those whom you meet in a 'real life' social environment compared to hookup apps.

I have not idea if any of that helps you, but there it is.

 

Dude, I HEAR you! I get the basic idea of what you're say and I can relate to it (in a Balkans sense, as well as a Gay/Bi sense). But you are confusing me. Are you looking to just find other Gay guys with whom you can be friends or are you looking for a new romantic relationship at this point?

 

Hey GrayAkashi,

I understand what you are saying. So, I would offer the following advice. First, you can't rush into anything. A true relationship takes time to develop. Heck, if you can't be friends with a guy because of personality differences, what would make you think he might become a long-term partner? And it takes time to know someone.

So, second, you are asking "how do I meet 'him'?" I can't give you THE specific answer you want, but I can give you some clues. You indicated that the gay scene in your location is mostly through the social network. Have you looked online for 'known' gay hangouts? And, if you have done so, have you researched which ones tend to be pickup bars and which ones are more 'hangout' bars/clubs/etc? As a total outsider, in Zagreb I found several local hangouts with a primarily LGBTQ clientele. It took a little research by mostly talking to locals - I wasn't afraid to approach strangers (especially people that looked like they lived on the social fringe) and ask about LGBTQ hangouts.

If you are already giving up at this point GrayAkashi, I would submit that you probably haven't tried hard enough. For example, even the guy that you met who already has a boyfriend was still a potential LGBTQ friend to you and he might have introduced you to more LGBTQ people in the local community. Sure, maybe not the first or even second level of introductions would get you into the type of people in the local Gay community that you might be comfortable with, but eventually, if you make enough connections, I would be willing to bet you'd start to be introduced to people that you can directly connect with and, of course, who might be potential BFs.

 

Hey GreyAkashi,

I still say that the largest part of the issue for you seems to be how you are finding new gay friends and dates. Gay dating apps generally suck, IMO.

It's definitely not weird to be friends with a guy who is in a relationship. It just means that you can't have a romantic relationship with him the way that you want to. However, if you just hang out with him, isn't there a good chance that he could introduce you to other LGBTQ friends of his? The wider your circle of LGBTQ friends, the better the chances that you will meet someone special...

Just saying...

 

I'd be yours anytime

 

Hey GrayAkashi

I've seen your post a lot, but I never had to courage to open it up and read it, because I wanted to reply when I don't feel the same. That would have ended terrible.

Now, that I feel good, I would like to answer you. I hope it's okay ^^

That guy's probably a ***
Sorry, but these things happen to everyone. I know a lot of people who are in relationships and are out on the market. Or at least pretend to be. I'm always thinking what their girl- and boyfriends must be feeling. Some of them even know this.
And for someone like us (pointing to the gay-community here ) it's even harder to take this. One of my best friends is gay and is doing exactly this: He has a boyfriend but pretends to be single... I try to talk him out of this, but he always says that he is looking for something better (This is actually the thing I like the least about him).

Now, this is just your desperation talking. Believe me, I know it too
And your definitely not ugly, in my opinion, no one is!
I'm too looking for someone to love, not to hook up or for a ONS, that's just not me. But I'm trying to rember that there is someone ot for everyone. And one day you are going to meet him!

Yeah, you should stop right there!

You are not worthless! Maybe you need to stop trying to find a boyfriend. Maybe this is exactly what you need.
You know what? Maybe you would've met someone on your trip through the United States.

Well, stop thinking this! When I was younger (and tried to ignore the fact I was gay), I fell in "love" with a gay man who had the same principles just like you. He fell in love (sadly for me ) on a stay abroad and is now married to that man.
This is the proof for me that there is someone out there for everyone. Just don't give up! Trust in... whatever you believe in! Have faith the the universe's got you and that you will meet your man one day.


Only a few days ago I had the same feeling, that I was never going to meet someone who would want me. That I would be forever alone.
I wrote my best friend about it (she's the best), I hope her answer can help you too:

"Stop it! You have such a marvelous personality and you're still young! Your perfect partner is out there somewhere and is just waiting for you! Or maybe he's already trying to find you! Have faith!"

I'm also not the one who likes to go on parties and talk to everyone, I'm more the "private" girl. When I go out with people it's something rare and special.

I really hope, I could help you! Life seems unfair sometimes. That's just how it is. But if you give up you have lost the race before it started.

PS. this is actually the longest post I have ever posted here, but I really thought it might you (*hug*)

 

hi sir!

i read your post and i know how you feel. it's definitely frustrating (to say the least) to not have someone there beside you. believe me, i know the feeling. it's all too familiar. at times it can really leave you empty. i haven't given up on it entirely just yet but i did come to a realization. i shouldn't be actively seeking for a relationship. it's not like it's a job opportunity where you have to seek it. i leave my fate to destiny. i know it sounds really crazy and idealistic but at least i won't have to deal with the pressure, the anxiety and the anticipation. i have also come to realize that loneliness is not a good enough reason to get into a relationship. you don't get into a relationship because you're lonely or you're ready for one. that's just convenient and self serving. it's got to be because you really love and care and respect that person, and the feelings has got to be mutual.

it's also good to know that you've at least mustered the courage to put yourself out there and mingle with other people. just don't pressure yourself too much and certainly don't rush things. take your time. until you find prince charming or he finds you, you might have to date a few frogs along the way. just don't get jaded or lose hope. love is a risk after all and sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn't. like i always say, protect your heart.