I feel trapped. I feel like I have to keep my sexuality a secret from my family since I fear the repercussions that may follow. I come from a catholic family that, despite loosely following the teachings of the Catholic Church, has demonstrated a certain hatred towards people like me. I feel like if I come out, all hell will break loose. What’s worse is that I have been convinced that trying to find love, or what I would consider to be love for me, is basically nothing but a mortal sin and I am doom to a life of loneliness. Although I do believe that love knows no boundaries, I feel something preventing me from truly being who I am and actively seek my soul mate. I am tired of feeling as if I have brought shame upon my family. I am tired of feeling sad that I cannot uphold my dad’s dream of carrying on the family name with a woman. I am tired of never being able to ask for emotional support from others because of my paranoia. To this day, i continue to search the Internet for answers because I could not find someone in my life trustworthy enough to discuss what I am feeling and how to process it all. Unless I find some way to ease my mind and release me from the bonds of my secret, I will continue to feel this loneliness, anxiety, and depression that stems from keeping it all in. I just wish, I pray, I long for the day where society will stop frowning upon people like me and just love and accept us. I loath the coming out process because I cannot stand the suspense of what might happen next.
I can relate to what you’re saying... I grew up in a religious family that drilled it into me that gay people are disgusting sinners who would rot in hell. But them saying such things about us doesn’t make it true. I was never asked if I wanted to be gay, I was just like this from the moment I became aware of romantic/sexual attraction, which is why I believe God made me this way. I don’t know why. But I know there must be some reason. As for society - not all society frowns upon people like us. It may take time/effort to find them but in every country there are some people who don’t look down on us. Find them. You’ll feel better. Take care.
charter.....Hello and a very big welcome to empty closets! I have lost count of the times that I have seen people here on empty closets share that they feel "trapped"....I posted that myself...and I did feel that way. YES....just like you, family and religion where the reason I felt trapped. It took time. It took help from an incredible therapist. It took me studying the Bible on my own. But it happened....the trap is gone! First...The time & the therapist. I had come out here on empty closets in Dec 2014. it took until Dec. 2015 for me to get the courage to actually talk to someone face-to-face...to say those words "I am gay" out loud to someone. Over a period of months he helped me to really accept and start to understand myself. Without that acceptance and understanding I could never have gone on to the next part. Second...The Family. My family are Christians. We belong to a very conservative evangelical church. Members of my family are part of the national officials for this world-wide church. On top of all of this.....I am the father...and my oldest son is the pastor of a conservative church. Coming out to my wife and son were the two most difficult things that I have ever done. But they have accepted me. I know that coming out to your parents will be different than what I did and I encourage you to be sure that you are safe and financially independent before you ever tell them. We can only hope that, having known you all of your life, they will be able to see that you are the same person that they have always known. That they now simply know something that they didn't know before. THAT MAY TAKE TIME...as I said before. Third.....The Bible. I spent a lot of time study the Bible...in the original Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic. No...I don't speak those languages, but there are lexicons, dictionaries, etc. as well as other sources that allow you to understand what the words were really meant to say when they were written. Society has changed a lot since the first century. What many people say certain parts of the Bible say to condemn the LGBTQ Family....is....wrong. Same-sex relationships as we know them today are NOT condemned by the Bible. They simply didn't exist when it was written. The parts of the Bible used to attack us are talking about something completely different. If you want more detail about that...just let me know. Some great books to read that would help you...."God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines & "Torn" by Justin Lee. charter.....if you have any questions...just ask! I am so glad that you have found us here on empty closets! .....David
