I feel like I'm never going to meet a girl

All I can say is that there is someone out there like you, who will want the same things as you, but finding her will be the hard part. She exists, you just have to keep looking for her

 

The dating for marriage thing is probably the main problem here. I'm a 21 year old guy and I'd run too if someone told me they wanted to marry me at the very beginning of dating. This is the age of being as free as possible with the fewest commitments as possible. People want to date to just have fun and enjoy being with each other - they don't want to feel like you're sizing them up for marriage and expecting them to get super serious about committing to things so soon after meeting each other.

I'd suggest trying to focus on just enjoying things together and letting things develop naturally, not going in with the mindset of 'I'll marry this person whatever it takes' which is pushing things way too fast.

 

i hate to say it, but I agree that the dating for marriage thing is probably your biggest problem. I don't know anyone except really religious people who are interested in getting super serious that young, so you are limiting your dating pool severely by having these expectations. I'm 21, not a party person, rarely drinks or goes out, and has no relationship experience, and I could not be that committed to a person at my age. Why is it that you are looking for such a serious relationship? You would open yourself up to more people if you didn't focus on that. Just dating to try things out can be fun too. And I'm sure there are people who would want to date you, you sound like you have a good personality and many people would be attracted to that. Just maybe try to ease up a bit. You're young and have lots of time.

 

I agree and relate to a lot of what you're saying. I usually view it as not "I'm just me" because I don't fit groups, but more so "I'm too different from everyone else" because I don't fit groups. I definitely agree that it'd be easier if I liked guys than it is with women.

I also don't think "dating for marriage" is your biggest problem, although it is a problem. Though I also relate to and agree with you on this point, you don't really need to mention marriage to girls--just look for marriage-material women. More than that, I think dating for marriage is a problem in the sense that, for example, the two people who pointed out that it's a problem don't even quite seem to understand what it means to date for marriage...because hardly anyone is like that anymore! And not to speak for you, because it might mean something different for you, too. But for me, "dating for marriage" is about...I'm not looking to have casual sex, my main focus is not "fun" and "experiences," I'm not looking to have had a long list of girlfriends when I look back on my dating history--actually don't want that at all. If I were still looking, it'd be about looking for *the type of person* I would want to get serious with and eventually marry. That's not the same thing as, as soon as I meet a woman, being like, "Ooooh, I want to marry her!" or even as immediately wanting to get into a serious relationship. But ideally, I'd meet a great woman who shows me the types of qualities I'm seeking in a wife, we really click, we eventually get into a serious relationship and she ultimately ends up being who I marry. That just means marriage is my ideal outcome in dating someone, and--unlike a lot of people--not sex or a good time. And because of that, I know that it is really hard to get me to even go out with someone.

And I'm way older than you are at this point, but this was my mentality even when I was college-aged. I just don't take dating and relationships lightly--never have, never will. But most people aren't like this and don't get it, so, yes, it's a problem.

I do tend to feel like women are really picky, too specific in what they're looking for and aren't open/flexible enough in some of their standards, and my experience is the older the woman is the worse it is. So, yes, this is the perfect time to find someone, because it really gets harder. I do think this is your biggest problem. Once women get to be about 25 and/or have a bit of a career going, they start piling specific standards related to how much you make, what kind of job you have, how ambitious you are, how financially stable you are, who do you live with (i.e. parents, roommates, alone), etc, on top of all the standard stuff like how much you two have in common, what you look like and stuff like that...unless they're the type of woman who doesn't mind "taking care of" someone else or who is looking for someone they feel will need them or be submissive. But as of right now, you could "ease up" and still not be able to get past another girl's standards because so many women are just too much with this stuff and seriously have no clue that they're being a bit ridiculous, and will defend their standards to the death if you tell them so.

I think there are girls out there who take dating seriously and want to be in a relationship, but the challenge is finding them. For someone like you, online dating is probably best, and you might have to be open to girls who don't live near you.

 

I have to say that I agree with Destin and Love4Ever that the "dating for marriage" thing is going to be a stumbling block to a lot of people. I don't know that it's actually that uncommon. I remember it being something I ran into a lot when I was dating--I would find myself thinking "I thought we were gong bowling, why is this guy picking out china patterns?" The fact of the matter is that when someone who is dating in that way dates you it's generally nothing personal--they have this thing going on in their lives, in their dreams and they're seeing if you fit it and if you don't they'll move on. The fact of the matter is it's a frightfully functional way of looking at people--you're not worth grabbing a coffee with unless we might end up watching the grandkids from the porch some day. To be frank I know a lot of gay people who date that way and I know a lot of gay people in thriving long term relationships--they're not the same people almost without exception.

 

Hey I can understand not feeling like you fit in with people who want to go out and party and stuff. Does your college have an LGBT group? Are you a member? I think everyone would ideall like to be friends with someone and then it grow from there it's just that's not always how it happens.
I think the date to marry thing is and isn't an issue depending on exactly what you mean and how it is put across to people. If you word it the way it is in the thread I can understand that people see it as a scary prospect. I'm not sure that I agree that all relationships can work as long as both people want it enough, but I do agree that in order for it to work both people have to be fully investigate and putting in the effort.
I definitely agree that there is someone out there for you, I know it is tough not to get disheartened but you will find her and when you do all of this will be worth it.