So, I have a boyfriend, we'll call him X. I love him more than anything in the world, but lately we've been hitting some bumps in the road. Simply, he is a sexual person. I am not. I am simply not ready to get that intimate with someone, and he understands that, but he keeps pressing. A lot of it is my fault, though. Last night for example - we were on a video call, and we were I guess loving each other up, then he said he wanted to jack off with me. I did, and I liked it, then afterwards I sort of regretted it. That happens a lot with me. I'll want something, but then I'll end up regretting it after the fact. I've voiced this to him, and he gets it, but he then gets sad and I feel awful, which, given all my other circumstances with family and that, doesn't really help anyone, and he keeps pressing me for sexual stuff until I give in, pretty much. I'm not trying to fault him with anything though. Besides that, he is a sweet, beautiful man. But what do I do in this case? I want to not do anything sexual, but at the same time it really hurts to see him sad.
If it helps any, what you are dealing with is extremely common. So you are not alone or defective, and there are tons of ideas out there on how people handle this. The first step is to figure out whether or not you want to work on having sex sooner than later. Maybe you aren't even interested in having sex just yet. After you figure out, and if you want to work on being emotionally ready for it, you have to figure out why you are feeling regret when you do something sexual. Is it because you still haven't fully accepted that you are gay? Is it shame that you are sinning? Or is it because having sex at all makes you uncomfortable and feel less than? This part is tricky, but crucial. You need to know what is holding you off so you can work on it. If you want to work on it Meanwhile, you shouldn't feel pressured to do anything sexual that you don't want to. As annoying as it is for your boyfriend, he needs to back off until you tell him otherwise. Now, the trick is that a lot of people will feel that is their fault that you aren't sexually attracted to them. While it might not be true, they might think they are too ugly, fat, annoying, etc and thats the reason why you don't want to have sex. So things for you to keep in mind is communicate with him about the reason why you don't want to have sex, come up with parameters about when to be sexual (only be sexual when you start it or stop after you say no once), and stick to your boundaries. Never, ever be guilted into having sex. Its not your job to sexually satisfy your partner and you should never feel pressured into having sex x amount of time a week.
If you say he understands but he presses you into it, anyways, he obviously doesn't understand. You ought to tell him "no, I'm really not comfortable with this yet" and press the issue. You shouldn't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable just because someone else wants it, even if you are dating. And if he knows you're not comfortable with it and presses you, anyways, well, that's kind of a problem. He should be willing to wait until you are comfortable.
