I'm tired of losing friends that mean the most to me and that I actually have fun with. I want to die. I'm a freshman in college and at the beginning of the school year, I thought I found my clique, but I was wrong. I thought I met a best friend, but he stopped talking to me. We would go on adventures literally every weekend and even throughout the week. I had the most fun I had ever had with him, but he started to become an alcoholic and have rages so we parted ways. And this girl that I ended up liking at the beginning of the school year wants nothing to do with me now. I'm just tired of living and thinking that life gets better when it really doesn't for me. I've never been in a relationship before, and I've been ever so patient. But I always end up with the short end of the stick. I'm a good person and I know I am People tell me all the time, but I've never been able to find that "home" with friends or even romantically. Every time I think I have a good thing going, it leaves. I cant do this any more. I'm ready to die. I want to die.
I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time. It can seem like with all of this going on that the universe is out to get you and that there's no point, but I promise that there are people who can help you out with these situations. See if you can find a counselor at school, keep a suicide hotline written down on your person just in case or talk to a trusted adult in your life. Talking about the problems is one of the hardest steps, but it has to be done. The world would be a worse place without you, and if you think that nobody would miss you if you died, you're wrong. I would, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Stay strong.
When life is really hard and we keep getting knocked back it's easy to believe that it will always be the same and nothing will improve. While we are at school or college, friendships are important and it's harder to cope if we are not making good, solid connections, but there is life, hope and love beyond school and college and beyond the years we spend there. I didn't have the best time at school and I found it really heavy going some days and I'll admit there were times when I asked myself if there was any point to it, but now I know there is a point. The issues and trials of school and college were short in comparison to the life and I enjoy now and I have met good, reliable people who have had an overwhelmingly positive influence on my life. If I'd chucked it all in though, would I be where I am today? I'm certainly not minimising the real distress that you are experiencing and I'm not saying all of this to simply be kind. I just want you to know that there is something beyond all of this and it's worth living for. I'm not unique in getting a better break after school or college - if it happened for me, I know it can happen for you. Can you believe it? Remember, this forum exists to help you through some of these difficult days, so reach out and talk to us when you are struggling and feel alone. We may not know you in real time, but if you open up to us and talk about your feelings, you'll let us in and then we can offer some comfort and hope. I think that's important.
