I Don't Know What To Do About My Testosterone

First off, I'm a bit jealous that you're out at your age! That takes guts. You will be okay, it will be hard for awhile but it will be okay.

The best advice I can give is to start therapy if you haven't already. At your age, you will most likely have to be out and live as your preferred gender for at least a year before a doctor will prescribe hormones. Until then, do small things to make yourself feel better. Shave your face, the lack of peachfuzz will masculinize your face a bit and help promote hair growth. If you can, get a gym membership and lift weights (if you can't, try to start an at-home routine to build upper-body strength). Wear your binder as much as is safe and comfortable.
(This next part is a bit medical. I'm not recommending you do any of this, im not a doctor, etc. It's all up to you/ your guardian and your doctor)
If your parents are against hormones or puberty blockers at your age, try to talk to them about going on birth control to stop that thing that happens every month. Obviously, you will need to review the benefits and risks but it may help.

It's probably not what you want to hear but your parents are right on some of this. Starting hormones while you're still developing can negatively impact your body. In the future if you want to have biological children, you will be grateful that your parents did not allow you to make such an important decision so young. Transitioning at a young age is relatively new so all the risks and benefits are not yet known. Although you may think it will be worth the risks now, there could be unknown effects that can drastically change your life.

Questioning your gender is terrifying and difficult but embrace it. When I feel extremely dysphoric, it is hard to do anything but you need to power through it. You are who you are even though you feel like shit. Keep doing what you're doing and stay strong. Lean on friends and family that understand and try to make the most of your situation.

Best of luck,
Benji

 

Yeah... I wanted to be a boy really hard at your age, but I’m glad I didn’t transition, because I want to have children and I’m happily gender non conforming in the end... I’m a girl and a programmer and I like sport and have lots of guy friends. I don’t wear makeup or skirts or frills, or whatever I didn’t like back then. Gender doesn’t matter to me as much any more. I used to be so scared of child birth... pregnancy seemed so long, but in my current perspective of age, one year is so little and physical pain doesn’t bother me as much either. And heck, couples take care of kids together and it’s BS that women are not fit - depends who! Before and after carrying. I wanted to be a boy, because I always loved to move and be active both physically and in life, but this isn’t true just boys can be that. I don’t have a job yet, but I will have a great career. So whatever they say about being a woman... the only thing you can’t have is a beard,you can even have a surrogate mother carry your genetic child. Seriosly, lol. I guess I’m a crossdresser too? I feel male. I didn’t know it in my teens. And there are people like Ryan Cassata who don’t ever go on hormones.

Now, I’m not sating any of this applies to you. Everyone is different. The point is, my perspective has changed, many things in my life have changed, I have changed as a person too. The teenage years are bery turbulent. Heck, people in my life have changed, my career has changed a couple of times... The topic came back when I was older and I was able to tackle it differently. Explore things, of course, but don’t close possibilities for yourself. There are maaaany possibilities what works best for you and who you might end up being.

It’s my two cents.

 

Actually, the new US national pediatric recommendation for standards of treatment is to start trans youth on blockers beginning age 8-10, and on full HRT around age 13. There are few risks, and the benefits are enormous. At a younger age, there are fewer of the wrong kind of secondary sex characteristics develped for hormones to reverse, and the trans person has a better, more natural final result with fewer surgeries required in adulthood, once hormonal transition is complete. It halso helps with height. A transguy will gain near normal male height, while a transgirl will stop growing earlier. Early transition really is better, safer and preferred.

I attended a transgender last year, and the 18-20 year old transguys there who started hormones at 14-15 looked amazing. I would never, ever guess they were AFAB. They were dudes, period.