Ok I am a 30 year old male. As a kid I was attracted to girls. I remember being aroused by kissing girls. I always had crushes on girls, fell in love with girls. I get aroused by girls in person, like in a sexual situation- girls I' in love with or one night stands, doesn't matter. But I don't get aroused by videos/ pictures of women, or strippers honestly... Then there is men... I first noticed arousal with male genitalia and homosexual fantasies around age 12. Since that time, it' generally what a masturbate to, but it never feels welcomed. I also sometimes feel arousal at the sight of naked males, but I don't ever think " wow I wanna get with that guy" or " man he' cute". The face does nothing for me either. I can' picture kissing or being in a reelationship with a male ever... so anyway I don't know what to call myself or what to do. I'e tried to hookup with a guy just to see but I never get that far- once I see a picture of the face I'm weirded out. I don't have homophobic family or friends, i'm not religious, but honestly I feel bad about those fantasies and truly wish they would go away. Aesthetically i dont find men appealing, but the arousal happens anyway. Along that line, a lot of the girls I have been the most sexually aroused by were ones who were ugly to me in some way, I know that sounds harsh but I'm just trying to be thorough here.
Good news, your story is actually quite common. A lot of guys will feel disgust, uncomfortable, and "freaked out" by their arousal for other guys. When I first started coming out I honestly never thought I would be able to kiss a guy let alone be in a relationship with one. It was truly gross to me at the time. At first I came out as bisexual, but I clearly told my friends that I only liked having sex with guys. Then the more I accepted myself, learnt from other people, and I kissed my first guy everything clicked. Turns out denial is one hell of a thing. The disgust and being uncomfortable around guys you find arousal for are your brain trying really freaking hard to deny your true feelings. Which is why even though you are "disgusted" you still find yourself hard when looking at guys. So what to do? Hang around EC more. Read a couple of threads, see how other people are handling their stuff, and you will slowly start learning the basics of how sexuality actually works. Keep asking questions of things that you have been curious about yourself and see who else has felt the same. Our society as a hole is incredibly homophobic, so most people have at some point internalized that being gay is not a good thing
This is the exact response I expected to get on here, I've read plenty of posts. Yet, I've tried to reach out to men for sex, and found that past seeing their genitalia I couldn' remain even sexually aroused. Basically what I get from your response is that, you think I'm gay and should just keep sleeping with guys until I get it right. But if it doesn' feel right, if the thought of kissing a guy grosses me out, it doesnt feel like internal homophobia, it feels like a guy's face is just weird looking. I have tried to put myself there and in real life just can't do it. This may gross certain people out, and I haven't acted on it, but in my life I've experienced the same level of sexual arousal at the thought of sex with certain animals, and not that I'm saying being gay is the same as that, but the way I feel during the arousal is the same. A dogs penis looks gross, but the sight of it turned me on for many years until I resolved the issue. But I don' think anyone would say " sure a dogs penis looks gross, but if you get past social stigma you'l get used to it."
And just for emphasis, I am NOT trying to imply homosexuality is on the same moral level as beastiality, or that it is a disease or paraphilia.
Straight guys don't generally get turned on by looking at penises or the male body in general. With that said, however, it's impossible for any of us to say with any certainty what is your sexuality. Only you can determine that. If you are willing to be honest to yourself and acknowledge your homosexual attractions, you can begin the process of eliminating denial and shame. Do I think you need to go experiment more with guys? Not necessarily. I would work on denial and shame first. Getting past those barriers to your authentic self will help you. By the way, internalized homophobia doesn't feel like internalized homophobia. It actually feels like your thoughts confirming something you already believe, and it becomes self-reinforcing. None of this means that you are gay necessarily. It might be a good start if you can acknowledge that you are, at least, not straight. And based upon your post here, it's pretty clear to me that you are not straight. Are you gay? Are you bisexual? It's difficult to determine with so little information so far. By acknowledging, and becoming comfortable with the idea that you are not straight, you will be allowing yourself to feel your feelings - without feeling bad about them and without your thoughts overriding your feelings. Give yourself permission to be gay. You may or may not be, but give yourself the permission to be gay. Good luck!
Not at all. All I was explaining to you is how I dealt with the same feelings myself. Like the above poster said, most straight men don't go years and years with this whole getting aroused by something yet finding it disgusting. As for the bestiality thing, all urges are not created equal. I'm telling you to lean into figuring out where the disgust comes from because being gay is not harmful to yourself or others. So if its not harmful, if its okay, then why are you disgusted by it? Disgust is a serious feeling that comes from much deeper issues rather than just "I don't like men in a sexual way". Bestiality you should stay away from because its harmful to animals and to yourself. So of course I will not tell you to try and get over the social stigma because I think the social stigma is a good thing in this case. If you truly don't want to deal with the arousal part for guys, then why be here at all? Just jack off to gay porn when you need to, don't tell people, and live your life.
So when you say "get past those barriers to your authentic self" I am assuming by authentic self you mean gay? As far as why disgusted, I'm not saying it' actually disgusting, I'm saying that past the sexual arousal it is unappealing. Why is it so far fetched to think that it aroused me for the same reason that other porn arouses me? Why just it be this thing that negates every other experience I've had or want to have? I notice that although I described being aroused and falling in love with women, neither of you even mentioned the word "bisexual". All urges not created equal? Does a person's conscous mind not count for anything? If i look at a guys face and find it unappealing, you just say im hating my inner self. No, I promise since the day I was born kissing a man hasn't appealed to me. Do images of male nudity cause some arousal? Yes, but not much on their own, and no more than seeing a dog did for the several years I was worried about that. I don't think " I wanna come home to that guy" or " kiss that guy" or, to be honest, even " fuck that guy" my fantasies are just a vague body with a penis attached to it. I have given it a shot, I don't want to do it in real life. I guess I'm here because two years ago my gf of three years broke up with me when I told her I had fantasies like that. I only told her because i wanted to be open and have her love all of me. But that was a mistake. She told me I was probably gay and I needed to go find the right guy. I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone, loved sex with her, loved holding her, cuddling her everything. I wanted to look back on my life with her and cherrish every memory we made together. But in one moment she told me I was gay and left me in the dust. For the past two years I've been in extreme depression, because I know most girls will never accept me.
