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I don't have a healthy sex drive anymore / conflict with faith + attraction

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by yayforthelgbt, Dec 1, 2017.

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  1. yayforthelgbt

    yayforthelgbt
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    Title says it... so I shall explain... I'm a guy by the way.

    So... I've felt sexual attraction to guys ever since I started to feel attraction to people. When I was younger, and didn't overthink my sexuality and just allowed it to happen I always found myself not really attracted to girls. I used to have a healthy sex drive.

    However, this has changed because of me not wanting to be gay because of my religious beliefs. Due to my beliefs I don't really feel comfortable with my attraction to the same sex anymore and the mental roadblock means I no longer enjoy it without feeling ashamed. Since I feel kind of ashamed about my attraction to the same sex I've become obsessed (due to being an anxious person like I am) with trying to see whether I'm just a little bi and if I have any attraction to girls, because I can feel comfortable embracing any opposite-sex attractions. I constantly now look at girls and think about if I find them attractive etc. I've even repeatedly tried to masturbate to heterosexual porn.This change in patterns has admittedly led me to become attracted to some women but I'm not sure if it's real attraction or not? I get aroused by the idea of sex with women (didn't use to) but it seems more just like a porn-cultivated fantasy and not natural, spontaneous attraction like I had before. I was never attracted to women or noticed them before I became obsessive like this. I haven't really felt properly satisfied in my fantasies about women and I think it is because it's forced and unnatural attraction. I used to watch gay porn and like it a lot but now when I try to I feel disgusted at it; I only like straight porn now. Even in straight porn I can still tell that I'm feeling significant attraction to the man, even if I have some weak attraction to women.

    I'm definitely not 100% gay but I'm drawn very much more to guys than girls and due to the shame I feel about this I haven't had a healthy sex drive for a while, as you can see. I don't know what to do??????? The fact that I'm not embracing a normal, healthy part of me is making me feel extremely horrible. This issue and the anxiety which stems from it (as seen in my actions) is making my mental health decrease. I wish I was just heterosexual or even bisexual, then I would feel happier and be able to embrace my natural sexuality (albeit only one part of it if I was bi.) I'm only young and I may feel natural, healthy attraction to a woman in the future (as sexuality can be fluid), but if I never do I'll probably have to be celibate. Yet I don't want to be celibate really, and this makes me very anxious. Yet I also know that following my attraction to men will not coincide with my faith and won't make me feel better You probably don't understand why I don't just accept my attraction to men like I used to but my faith is really important to me. But even I can admit accepting it would make me feel better. I post this mostly for comfort and to let my feelings out but if you have any advice, I would appreciate it. I hate this conflict between my faith and attraction...

    By the way yes I know I shouldn't really watch porn as that doesn't coincide with my faith either (I'm a Christian, or at least aspire to be) but I guess I'm just an obsessive hypocrite...
     
    #1 yayforthelgbt, Dec 1, 2017
  2. quebec

    quebec
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    yayforthelgbt....I am also a Christian and I am and always have been gay. After I finally accepted myself and came out, I too had a major conflict with my faith. A lot of reading and a lot of study over several years has allowed me to now accept both my Christianity and my sexual orientation. Two books helped me a lot:
    1) "Torn" by Justin Lee
    2) "God and the Gay Christian" by Mathew Vines

    "Torn" is an easier read, but both books cover the topic very well. Between those books and my own study I have come to the belief that the Bible DOES NOT CONDEM committed sam-sex relationships as we know them today. I now understand that, what I have been taught for all these years is not correct. Some very well-meaning people have either just repeated what they were taught, or read passages in the Bible without actually learning what they meant WHEN THEY WERE WRITTEN. We do not live in the first/second century when the New Testament was written. The social norms of their society and ours are quite different, especially when it comes to sex. This has lead to a significant misunderstanding of the three major passages in the New Testament that speak to this issue. The three passages in the Old Testament that are often used to condemn homosexuality have also been misunderstood. A quick example: Sodom was not destroyed because of homosexuality...see Ezekiel 16:49-50 (abomination in that passage refers to idolatry) This passage actually upset me quite a lot as it clearly states what the problem of Sodom was and I have been taught over and over that it was homosexuality. I hope this helps you out...what I learned by reading and studying these passages has made a tremendous difference for me. The shame and guilt that I carried for so long is GONE! I can accept and love myself and have finally been able to stop taken anti-depressants! If you'd like more information on this, you can post on my profile...I will watch for it! ....David
     
    #2 quebec, Dec 2, 2017
  3. I'm gay

    I'm gay
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    In my opinion, if you live a life against your true nature in order to remain in your faith then it will be a false faith. Doesn't your faith require honesty?
     
    #3 I'm gay, Dec 4, 2017
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