I can't

I feel like I'm about to burst my bubble. The secret I have been keeping form everyone but my friend and my unsupportive brother. First off, my mum and dad whilst watching tv and a LGBT person comes on, they criticise I just want to say so you hate gays do you, so you hate me. But at times it is like they know. (sorry if I'm rambling on I need to get it all out) when I go I'm not that keen at football and I hate it he instantly goes and we wonder why. I think my mum knows, I'm not sure. My friends at school are either saying oh go out with them girls or they are saying how gay I am. It hurts my heart saying I'm not gay. To be honest I just want to go to school and shout I'm gay. I can't do that. As much as I suspect my parents knowing my secret, Im not sure, I don't want them to know because I don't know how they will react. I guess I want to stick to being normal in my family, everyone is straight, my brother is engaged. Everyone in my family has envisioned me as I'm gonna get a girlfriend in the future, as if. I need someone in my life who I can talk to, who understands, I have a friend but she is straight, she can't understand the pain I'm going through she goes just come out. I can't, I can't say those two words. I suppose I need to be brave. I just have all my emotions bottled up. Also I don't want to have the so called talk about being gay especially with the questions such as how did you know you were gay or are you sure you're gay. Sorry for babbling on a bit.


Thanks