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I can't stay in the closet anymore

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bazzinga, Nov 15, 2017 at 6:27 AM.

  1. Bazzinga

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    Ok, so I've been gay my whole life. I don't act gay, I act normal and nobody suspects anything. I live in Utah, where the vast majority of people are Mormon, and against LGBT, including my best friends and parents (horrible situation) my best friends treat me amazingly, and I know they love me and the same for my parents and family, but they're all against LGBT. How can I come out? I really need help. I'm in highschool and am scared of the repercussions of coming out, especially with the vast majority of mormons. I'm scared as soon as I tell my friends especially my number one best friend, he and they won't support me in this and I don't know if I can handle that. We get along so well I'm scared it will ruin our relationship. Im torn between staying in and coming out, but I feel so sad staying in and I feel like I can't be happy pretending to always lie about who I like and pretending my whole life to be something I'm not. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! How would you feel about trying to build a support network before coming out to your friends, or family? Are there support groups in your area that you could potentially join?
     
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  3. quebec

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    Bazzinga..... Hi! I live in Southern Idaho....lots of the same problems. I have now found a few friends that I trust completely and are not LDS that I have come out to. But empty closets has been by far my best "friend". I came out here on EC in Dec. 2014. I didn't tell anyone face-to-face until Dec. 2015. For the first year all my friends were on EC. Without them I probably would have gone back into the closet, or worse. This is a great place to start for someone like you and me. I was able to feel like I was opening that closet door and slowly stepping out without any fear of rejection. It was wonderful. I also learned so much in that first year about myself and about my LGBT family. There are a lot of folks here on EC that will listen and offer encouragement and help. For me that helped so much to build my confidence so that when I finally actually came out to another person I was only somewhat hysterical!! :slight_smile: . Hope that helps. ....David
     
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  4. Matt0612

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    I'm in a very similar sort of situation as you, mate. All the same kinda fears and similar people in my life. I feel at breaking point, too. Came on EC yesterday, for the first time, and I actually felt dramatically less depressed today... I think quebec is right, these first steps are just talking about it, to be honest. After reading a few threads on here, you'll start to realise that there are hundreds of people going through the same things, and all over the world, too. So it's good to know you're not alone, even though it really does feel like it. I think it's mostly a fear, so any way we can start to overcome it, is a good thing. It's working up the courage to tell someone. Getting all of your worries written down here first seems to be working for a lot of people. There is a lot of sensible advice on here, and lots of positive stories, too! Happy to chat as well if you need someone who understands what you're going through.
     
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  5. Bazzinga

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    I have never checked, I'll have too look into that. Somewhat scared someone will recognize me there and they will tell someone, and then I can't even come out on my own terms
     
  6. Bazzinga

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    I'm brand new too, I found this 20 minutes before posting. It's helped a lot, and I have a few friends I think I can come out to. They aren't necessarily really close to me but i think I can trust them enough, wish my luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. quebec

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    Bazzinga....I do wish you the very best of luck....but sometimes you do have to make your own! .....David
     
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  8. Mirko

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    Hi there! Being scared of accessing support for the fear of being seen by someone that one knows, is quite common and it's something I have experienced when I started coming out. I have learned though that the fear is/was unfounded as the chances of someone knowing me being at the same meeting were low.

    Something to perhaps keep in mind is that if you decide to join and if by chance there is someone that you recognize, or they recognize you, that person would probably be the least likely person to out you as they might very well be in the closet, or they might have just started coming out, themselves. If you would like, give it a bit of thought, and follow what you feel comfortable with. Your instincts will be a good guide.

    If you have a couple of friends in your life that you can trust, and know would be supportive, they would be the ones to come out to first. Your friends also form part of the support network, that you can rely on when and if you need to. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Optimist17

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    Hi Bazzinga! I know how you feel, I live in a place where the majority of my friends/family are very religious and telling people has been hell. Please, please, make sure you won't be disowned or abused (physically or emotionally) before coming out. I know it sucks like crazy, but your personal safety is more important than coming out, I promise. If you're sure you won't end up homeless or hurting, try making a list of people who would be the most accepting. It may not be anyone close to you. Maybe your school has a gay/straight alliance? Maybe you have a more liberal teacher you could tell, who would be able to refer you to some support groups. If you can't find anyone, stick around on here! You'll find lots of LGBT friends :slight_smile: . You know your situation better than anyone else, so go with your gut. If you feel coming out would be harmful, it's better to stay closeted, unfortunately. But if it's not, best of luck.


    No matter what you do, remember that one day, you will have people that accept you. That may involve moving to a more accepting place, or going through the emotional hell of losing people, before you gain new friends that love you for everything you are, including being gay. Sometimes it takes a while though.
     
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