Vent thread, sorry. I’m really tired. Every person I care about and love have problems. And I hate seeing them suffer. I want to help them. But I can’t. I can never do anything to help anyone. I feel useless. My friends, my girlfriend, my parents, nobody is fine and, even though I always try to do everything in my power to help, nothing never seems to improve. There’s so many cases where I can’t do anything and I don’t even know how to find way to comfort the persons close to me. I’m just… here. Doing nothing. It’s even worse with my internet friends because I can’t even give the comfort of showing that I’m here, I have to write something even when I have no idea of what to say. I can’t left them on read. So I try to give advice or comfort even though I’m terrible at it. I don’t want to feel useless anymore. I want to help. I have to do something. But I can’t. And I don’t want people to believe I do nothing because I’m a bad person. I just don’t know what should I do or if I even can do something at all. And I feel guilty because they all help me so much when I need it and I can’t give them something in exchange. I don’t want to be a burden to them. I want to be useful. I don’t want to be powerless anymore.
I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated and tired. You do what you can to help and that's enough. Why do they all have problems and is that different than most people in your area? You're not causing their problems so what makes you think you'd be a burden? Can we identify one thing you can do to help one person you know? You can't save the world all at once and your people have to make good choices in life too. Not saying they aren't but you know. The fact that you're upset about their struggles and want to help means you do care and have compassion for others.
Bludzee.....That's kind of what I feel like sometimes here on Empty Closets. I want so much to be able to actually reach out and help the people who post here on EC, but all I can do is write encouraging posts to them! But sometimes that is the job that we are called to do. We can be the person who is always there for our friends. We may not be able to physically help in any way, but we can always be there for them with kind and supporting words when they really do need to hear those words! .....David
be there and do what you can reasonably do. you can't bear the weight of the whole world, and it's not your job. you are not a therapist, even if you do something there is no telling it's actually the right thing. we are but gay blobs on the internet or even in real life, we can't fix things for people. sometimes, we can help them by pointing to what they should do to get better, but most of the time we can't. as a friend, lover or kin, your role is not to fix people or to help them by giving them solutions. your role, and it should be theirs too at some point, is to be there. your role is to be kind to them, to listen to them and lick their wounds the best way you can without sacrificing your own mental health. if you don't know how to help, acknowledging someone's struggles and giving them kindness is already enough, you shouldn't ever feel guilty. i have a friend whom i asked if they preferred for me to stay silent or to say something potentially unhelpful. they told me they'd rather i tell them something unhelpful, because at the very least I'd be showing them they're not alone. and that's the point, there is so much you can do, and in the end your sole job is to be there.
Here are biggest warmest hugs. Never think that you are a bad person, just because you can't help others. I've learned, that you always can't help no matter how hard you try and often it's enough, if you're just there and just live you're everyday life and this is what your job is. It's to study and hang with friends and be there for the people and help out only if you can. Even just listening helps a lot. Don't forget your own well being. Self care is very important, so you would be able to be strong and be able help others. If you're healthy and happy, then you can do more as well and influence others to try too.
Well I like you, and I don't think you're useless. You're amazing, so don't beat yourself up so much okay? I also very much identify with what you are saying, because I often feel that same way. You have a big heart and a lot of empathy, and a desire to fix other peoples problems, or at least help, or make them feel better, but most problems are complex and have a history, and they don't go away overnight or from a few conversations. Sometimes, I think most times, all you can really do is be available to listen, and to be present, letting them know you are there, and they are not alone. Don't let your frustration and pain over not feeling useful keep you from trying okay? And don't let that become guilt that then results in you cocooning yourself from others. I've been there and done that. I will often retreat from relationships and friendships because I am hurting right along with them and feel the sense of futility in it, but when I am in my right frame of mind, when I know that I am actually useful and not useless, then I can shine again, and that's what you do, you shine for others. Keep shining please. *hugs*
You probably help them more than you think by being you. Everyone has struggles, but it's people like you who care who makes others lives a little better. Sure their lives may not be perfect, but they're much better than they would be otherwise with someone caring like you just being around them and wanting them to be ok.
That's so thoughtful and true! I also think that's true of you too. This got me thinking about all of us and many more, who have so much love to give to the world, but have a hard time being out there to do the good we could. The world needs more sensitive, thoughtful people, but we're told to toughen up and stop being so nice, rather than they should try more compassion for others. I'm probably off track from the OP by now, but I hope it's positive.
Hello, I thank you all for your answer. It’s really nice from you. I’ll try to be more nice to myself. I’ll always be there for the people close to me anyways but I’ll try to feel less guilty
