I came out to my mom. It didn't go well. How do I cope?

Hi there! I am sorry to read that your mum reacted in the way she has; I can imagine how difficult it must be for you at the moment.

From what you have described, it seems your mum is at some level accepting of LGBTQ+ persons, so it is possible with time she will come around. Some of her reaction might very well be rooted in her not understanding fully what is happening within you and how you feel comfortable within your own body.

She might have been prepared for a sexual orientation, but not for a gender identity that might not conform what she knows or how she understands the world. In many ways, your mum has to come out too. She, herself, has to go through the phases of acceptance, and follow a journey that might resemble some of your own. It can be hard, but it might be good not to force a conversation at this point but give it some time. Sometimes, time and distance can help. Has your oldest sister tried to speak with your mum or been present when you try to speak with her?

As you are living with your mum, I am wondering, are you dependent on her financially?

 

Hi, it might be worthwhile to see if your sister would be willing to help you or speak with your mum, once things have settled down a bit for her. Have you had a chance to help your sister with the move and setting up her new place? If you haven't and depending on how you feel about it, it might be good to ask if you can help so to spend a bit of time with your sister where you can feel that you are being supported.

As you are dependent on your mum, I would suggest to trying to give things time - as hard as this is and feels at the moment.

Have you tried to come out to others that you know and trust?

 

Take your time with coming out. There us no rush in coming out. Before coming out, it might be worthwhile to do a check in with yourself on how you feel in coming out to someone. If you feel fine and feel it's the right moment for you, try going for it. If on the other hand you feel afraid and/or not ready, it's perfectly fine to give it time.

I agree that you don't need to come out to your mum again. It's great that you have tried showing her resources. You have already planted the seed for furher learning on your mum's part.

I would also agree that in-person classes would definitely better as it would allow you to be in a different environment, get to know others and also perhaps join a LGBTQ+ group or resources on campus (if available).

That said, and acknowledging that you are stuggling with anxiety, there might also be options where you can start online and ease into in-person classes or have a couple that are online and some in person, according to what you feel comfortable with and makes sense to you.

Schools, colleges, usually have some supports for students with different needs in place that can help to have a good learning experience.

 

Hi there! (*hug*)

I encourage you to spend time with your sister who supports you. You mentioned that she moved recently. Maybe ask her if you can help to set things up, or see if she has a bit of time to spend time with you outside of your home. Enlist the support of your sister if possible.

As hard as this is, it might be good to give your mum the time she needs before trying to re-engage her on wanting to use different pronouns and transition. From what you have mentioned, it's possible that she will come around in time. As said before, she needs to come out too.