I’m 20 years old. In a 2 year relationship with a straight male. I have just found it within myself that I am a lesbian. No one knows. It was weird- like a random awakening. I hate that I can’t be with him forever- I truly love him so much and thought he was my soulmate. We have 3 pets together, an apartment, savings accounts and much more. It’s going to be heartbreaking for him and it already is for me because like I said- it feels like we’re meant to be together. He’s the best man and best relationship I’ve ever been in- so it hurts that my heart is pulling me in a different direction. Not only that- but I’m embarrassed. I fully support the LGBTQ community of course, but I’m ashamed that this has happened. I wish I could be straight and continue my life how I thought it would be. But I’m just not straight. I have no idea what’s going to happen to my life after this. Will my friends understand? Will the current “love of my life” still accept me and be in my life still?? Will my family judge me as bad as I think they will? I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready to break up with him, I’m not ready to come out. I barely know what I want. I don’t have any gay or lesbian friends so I feel even more alone in this. I hate this.
oliviajade.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! There is a sub-forum here on EC that is titled "Sexual Orientation". If you post there I think you'll find people who will understand how you feel and will be able to offer support and understanding! I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this position. But it is better to take steps to be yourself now instead of trying to ignore your sexuality and creating that much more anguish for you and and your friend - potential spouse and potential children. I went though a terrible crisis - the death of my boyfriend, lover and would-have-been spouse when I twenty years old. That resulted in over 40 years of trying to be straight and creating all kinds of problems. Those are the kinds of problems that you can avoid even though it will be difficult, by coming out now. There's no promise that he will remain a close friend. But it's better to give him a chance at a life with someone who can love him as you once did instead of a life filled with could-have-beens. You can always ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! .....David
Honestly it’s important to be true to yourself. If you suppress what’s apart of who you are, you will only fall into depression, also if you love him .. you have to be honest with him. I understand it’s hard because you don’t want to hurt him or let him down but by not being true to yourself it will in the long run. When you do come out you will lose some and gain some friends and same as family. Some family member it will take long for them to accept you and some won’t care but at the end of the day ,you have to do what makes you happy. When I started living my truth I felt weight off my shoulders, it felt so refreshing at the same time I was afraid of what other may thing of me but I had to realize , I can’t live my life worrying about what others may think of me.. I was afraid of being judge .. at the end I was only hurting myself and no one cared actually, everyone accepted me..fear will only hold you back..Because I was so afraid of what’s next and judgements.. I was also questioning what I already knew which was of me being lesbian and even after coming out I was still in denial and unsure but that was due to my insecurities. I didn’t want to be lesbian. But the more I accept myself and started going with my girlfriend to gay bars I felt this feeling of belong. I attended lgbt+ events and I love it. Years later I’m happier . I felt what real love feel like which I didn’t feel when I was dating guys and wasn’t living my truth. Don’t get me wrong I always love the guys I level dated but I felt something was missing. Anyway sorry for the long paragraph,What made you realize you were a lesbian? what steps are you going to take to live you ? QUOTE="oliviajade, post: 6734951, member: 107981"]I’m 20 years old. In a 2 year relationship with a straight male. I have just found it within myself that I am a lesbian. No one knows. It was weird- like a random awakening. I hate that I can’t be with him forever- I truly love him so much and thought he was my soulmate. We have 3 pets together, an apartment, savings accounts and much more. It’s going to be heartbreaking for him and it already is for me because like I said- it feels like we’re meant to be together. He’s the best man and best relationship I’ve ever been in- so it hurts that my heart is pulling me in a different direction. Not only that- but I’m embarrassed. I fully support the LGBTQ community of course, but I’m ashamed that this has happened. I wish I could be straight and continue my life how I thought it would be. But I’m just not straight. I have no idea what’s going to happen to my life after this. Will my friends understand? Will the current “love of my life” still accept me and be in my life still?? Will my family judge me as bad as I think they will? I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready to break up with him, I’m not ready to come out. I barely know what I want. I don’t have any gay or lesbian friends so I feel even more alone in this. I hate this.[/QUOTE]
Thank you so much for the advice and sharing your story as well. I’m not sure what I’m going to do to start living as the true me. I think Im very confused about my sexual orientation and it’s really stressing me out. I wanna talk it out with my best friend, but my best friend is my boyfriend ): he understands me on a lot of things but I don’t think he will understand this one. It’ll break his heart. I don’t wanna lose him.. i keep thinking- “what if this is just a phase” or “what if the grass isn’t greener on the other side.. maybe i’m just wanting something in my current relationship- not a whole change in sexuality”. I’m bad at explaining these things. But there’s always the “what if’s” of course. I just wish there were more people I could talk to until I’m ready to accept myself. I know one day I’ll be so happy to come out- but im just not there yet. [/QUOTE]
oliviajade.....the sub-forums are all listed when you login. You may need to scroll down, but they are all there! .....David
Hey. Welcome to EC. :] Are there any outdoor Pride events near you? A festival or something similar? Perhaps you and your bf could go as a day out. As an example, the festival here is beachside and everyone and anyone is welcome as it’s all open to the public. There’s entertainment and booths with all kinds of businesses and services. You could check out what’s available in your community while subtly leading your bf to a conversation at some point. If you’ve never had a specifically lgbt conversation with him, this could give you an idea how it might go. Hang in there. You’ll get there.
It's not easy when you realise who you are but in a relationship with the opposite sex. I too was in your shoes. It broke my heart to end the relationship but it wasn't fair on him or me. Then it took me an age to get the courage to go out and date women, I had accepted who I was but my family I knew would not. I was right, unfortunately my family would have no contact with me once I came out to them. After many years of finding my own place in the world without my family and most of my friends, I became happy with myself. I hope you find your place in the world. Sending you positive energy and light.
