At this Point i started loosing my mind. Time Is going too slow. Every time i wake up i just feel awful. I just start laughing on the pain until i start crying. School Broke me. I can't pas attention. I can't think. I barely even know what i typed just now. Why can't i just be who i want to be. I could've just been normal. I my life didn't have to be this complicated.
It breaks my heart to hear people in pain like this. I truly wish I had some words of wisdom that could help you. Don't give up!
Life is complicated no matter what. Life will constantly challenge you and we are never truly done growing as people. If it is as bad you say then shut everything off and focus on surviving until you can become independent. Don't think or feel and do what you gotta do. Just survive. As I mentioned in prior posts, I grew up getting bullied and had an abusive home life. There wasn't many opportunities for me to thrive or escape my situation. So I just survived and did what I had to do, day by day. It was rough and I had many days where I wanted to give up. But it finally paid off and I have the normal home life I always wanted. I know it's hardened advice but you can do it. You made that goal about attending the school you wanted to go to and I believe in you. If the pain becomes too much then shut it down and try to distract/entertain yourself with anything and everything so you're too busy to think about anything else.
I know waiting until you can be true to yourself is frustrating. Hugs. But it won't be like this forever. I think every transperson out there think this way. I certainly do. None of us asked to be this way, but it can't be helped. It's how we were born. All we can do is try to embrace and love ourselves to the best of our ability and get to as close as possible to who we are. You got this. You're not alone here. You have this whole community behind you. Warmest hugs.
Hi there! Have you tried looking at it from a different perspective? Rather than saying "I could've just been normal," say to yourself, that you are normal. Being transgender, or knowing that one's inner-self does not conform to one's assigned gender/sex at birth, happens more often than it might seem. You now that negative thoughts, feed negative thoughts and they can become overpowering and can take away from the positives and the things you do have in your life. You know that you have support here on EC, we are here for you. If you find it difficult to connect with someone in you area where you live, remember that can EC can provide some support - 'speak' with others, try to get to know them so that you can develop the feeling that you are not alone, because you are not. There will a day come, where you will be yourself, when you will be able to live your life authentically and feel comfortable in your own body.
