So to start off, I have this online friend whom I had a connection with for 5 years. I can say that throughout the years we developed into something more. We’re friends with “attachment” but we’re not in a romantic relationship but we both expressed that we like *like* each other. We’ve also crossed the sexual boundaries online. Recently, he stumbled into a group chat and we both joined in. From the get go, I could already tell that I wasn’t belong to the group. They have a different vibe than I have. Most of the time I feel isolated and the more he interacted with them, the less he talked in our own private Discord channel. I already talked to him, and he reassured me that he won’t leave me for them. Despite that, I still can’t shake the feeling that we’re getting distant and it’s the most painful thing. And I see him getting closer to this one guy in that chat everyday. What used to be our time to interact, I see the group chat flooded with their 1x1 conversation. I just feel jealous and worried that one day he will have something more with this guy and that he will leave me. It’s taken a toll on me, feeling anxious and insufficient and the fear of being left by him anytime. I have this urge to just leave the group chat and go cold turkey. I know this is just a momentary relief. But another part of me is worried that once I’m not there, I’d feel more anxious for not seeing what’s happening and it would put me into a worse mental hole. And the fact that even though it’s isolating, they’re not the worst people in the world and I might be losing opportunity of getting to know them. I guess I’m here to ask for your thoughts. Thank you.
I don't think it's a good idea to leave that group. I know it hurts to see how they get along, but as you said, not knowing what they're talking about will be much worse. As long as they are in group chat where he knows that you can see it, don't panic. He already told you not to worry. I would just remind him that I miss our private time together.
Man, this makes me feel old, getting to dispense hard earned wisdom. People come in and out of our lives for a reason. They serve the purpose of helping us to grow and learn. Sometimes, they come into our lives and stay there for a lifetime, other times it is a relatively brief time. Relationships just run their course sometimes. That being said, I wouldn't cut off contact with him or leave the group. You don't really know your path. Maybe he's a lifetimer, maybe he's not, maybe you'll meet a true lifetimer in the group. Don't stress it, overthink it, and make yourself anxious. Don't be fearful, it's a waste of time and probably the one piece of advice I'd give my younger self if I could.
