I feel like I’m in kindergarten explaining this but here we go. Basically this guy from my university I’ve started to crush on, at the start when I knew him he was straight but I felt some gay vibes lol, anyway he kissed a fella in the club and that kinda confirmed it, so recently we’ve been getting close but I’ve no idea if he’s flirting because I’m so clueless. I had my birthday party recently and he came and bought me cupcakes which was cute, then that night we just talked shit. We were always together shoulder to shoulder touching and I had my legs on top of his and when I tried to move them he gripped them back which was KINDA cute guys! But aye what y’all thinking is he flirting or what’s the deal? He also comes off with some weird shite like saying if he could travel back in time he’d go with me
Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets. From what you have described, it seems that he could either be just flirting with you, or has a crush on you. Have you spoken with him since the party? If not, how would you feel about asking him whether be free to get together and see what happens? I think the best way to figure out whether there is more, or if he is just leading you on, would be to chat with him, and see where it leads. Have you mentioned to him that you have a crush on him, or perhaps (deeper) feelings for him?
You are clueless if somebody is flirting and also likes you if not been told? Just curious so I get the right picture. That is definitely a sure signal of flirting. But i know there are some boys who are touchy with there friends. So if he is not as physically touchy with others compared to the situation above, he is really flirting. Does he know you are gay? That's some important info to help you better. Btw. mayby casually ask him why he kissed that dude in the club. Take note if there goes some sec. or min. before he answer you and where he looks.
Hey, thanks for replying guys. Yeah I’m completely clueless when it comes to flirting I just have no idea. But as you said if he acts like that around everyone else but now i think about he doesn’t really act that way with anyone else when we’re all out together. When he’s a bit of alcohol in him he really opens up, one time at a house party he literally got on top of me and we started wrestling then that night had a lil’ cuddle. Also to be fair since he kissed the fella in the club it has never been discussed really. Everyone knows it happened I talked about it with my friends but not him I think it would just embarrass him. I don’t think he’s come out of the closet yet himself but I’m not in no way making it uncomfortable for him its his journey to come out when he deicdes etc. But everyone kinda knows hahahahaha. Yeah he knows I’m an openly gay man.
Not sure how you would feel about it as you seem to have some feelings for him, but it might be worthwhile to get to know him better as a friend for now. It is possible that over time, he might open up (without alcohol) or confirm that he is indeed gay. It sounds like, he could benefit from having a friend who understand what it is like to accept oneself, and then come out to others. How well do you know him?
I definitely have feelings for him which kinda sucks because I don’t know how to go around this, I’m too awkward to come out and say it and Im pretty sure he’d be awkward aswell lol. We don’t really hang out unless we’re drinking alcohol so yeah I probably should get to know him more personally, we do at odd times play online games together but rarely. I feel like I do know him though I see myself in him a lot. I didn’t have a crush on him at the start but the more I got to know him bit by bit I began to crush on him hard. So aye I’m just in a bit of a buckle which is sucky
Ever thought of searching flirting signs on youtube? There are alot of videos showing up when searching for it. Do you know if he has at least 1 close/best male friend in the same university? If yes observe how touchy he is with them.
Yeah I’ll research flirting and see what I can connect lol. Yeah he has close friends in university he would always talk too, thinking about it now I’m not sure he’s really touchy with him if so it wouldn’t be as much as he is with me. During my birthday party my friend gave me my present which was a shirt and he was chanting to take my shirt off and wear the new one and he literally helped me out of the shirt lol, he was also rubbing my tattoo I got and saying how it was cool I don’t think he gets on like that with anyone else particularly.
It sounds like there would be an opportunity to trying to build a more meaningful friendship. Getting to know him more, would also give you the chance to understand your feelings for him or see whether the feelings are deeper or if it is just a crush. I don't think you have anything to lose at this point. I would say though, not to go into it too hastily or trying to push him on things. It is going to be hard given the situation, but try to be mindful of not overanalysing his actions as sometimes the actions of people (in particular after having had a few drinks or being tipsy) might not be reflective of their real self.
Yeah I know exactly what you mean, maybe I’m trying to move to fast and when I should just be going with the flow. I do over-analyse every single thing hahaha so that’s why I’m so confused on where he stands. For now I’ll just continue on where it’s going because we have been getting closer recently. Last question just to clear my thoughts lol, should I tell him that I’ve a crush on him or just leave it be and let it flow, I’m so keen on him that’s hes all I think about which is cringe but true lol. Literally feel like a kid again with all this
I think going with the flow and letting things fall into place is probably best for now (with the situation you have described). It's defenitely not easy but if you are already getting closer, spending a bit more time together, getting to know each other, will help in moving things froward as it were. You will likely get the insights sooner rather than later.
Thank you! I’ve been wanting some closure on what I should do youve given me more than enough ✌ Here’s hoping it goes well!
If you don’t know the reason, don’t dismiss the possibility that somebody did challenge him to a dare. If he was abit drunk under those 3 situations and not as touchy with you when not haven drunk alcohol, he seems to be more brave&self-assured of his possible queer side or he might be using you as a testperson. I hope for you it’s not the last but I still think his actions is not fair given that he knows you are gay. Maybe it’s best for you mental well-being and your peace of mind to not let him as close physically like before. If he comes out, as some curious straight people don’t think how there actions can go under us Queer people’s skin. With everyone kind of know you mean that some think he is gay or bisexual?
A little bit of an update, we’ve both finished university, our class went out together on Tuesday to a bar and we had some laughs, after the bar a few of my friends went to get food I sat outside and he (my crush) sat beside me on the ground and we both intertwined hands together for a good 10 mins just holding hands and talking shit. I still haven’t told him I don’t have the courage. He’s moving away in September an hour car journey away, I’m debating if I should say my feelings for him before I go? We’re going out before he moves to have a goodbye party any suggestions guys?
Hold on, you sat holding hands for 10 mins, is this a thing you do with other friends? Because i dont think this is a usual friend thing so perhaps he already knows.
I would have the same question as Silverhalo, whether you are holding hands with some of your other friends as well, or is it just with him? If you are intertwining your hands, sit close enough to each other to be able to do that, I'd tend to think that there is something else going on here. Who initiated it?
Exactly what I was thinking, I don’t hold hands with just anyone especially intertwined and for that long! He put his hand on my thigh open palmed for me to hold so I guess he initiated it, but I did it (if that makes sense). I wasn’t holding hands with any other friends as it’s really not that common. I texted him the day after just asking how moving away is going and he’s so dry, I get a vibe that he does like me but hates the fact he likes me? I’m not really sure, but I’m definitely going to say something before he goes, need to grow a pair of balls and just do it lol.
No one is a mindreader, so try to avoid thinking he has some love-hate feeling toward you. You might consider asking him out on a date before he leaves.
What resu said. I don't think you have anything to lose. The worst that can happen is that he won't accept your offer or you asking him out. You can still be proud of yourself for taking the risk, and for having mustered the courage. That counts too.
Thanks for the advice guys. I think I’ll just tell him, it’s been too long and I’ve nothing to lose literally. I’ll come back with an update when the parties over which will be Saturday oof.
