Hello everyone, Im here for a small rant because I need to get a few things off my mind, any advice or support is appreciated ) last year was my first year living alone. I moved 8 hours away at 18 to attend my dream university. My parents were very supportive and we obviously kept in touch a lot. now over the Christmas break, I have been home for the past 3 months and will be going back to university in a week. So it’s safe to say I start to cry anytime I think about leaving my family. During these past three months I’ve gotten alot closer to my family ( mother, father and younger sister ) and there have been a few health scares with both of my parents going into hospital (that have never happened before) so I am worried to leave again. ( however there is no immediate problem and will be okay - won’t go into details for obvious reasons ) now I know I will be okay, I lived by myself all last year but I knew that when uni break came around, I had my family and childhood home to go back too. but my younger sister will finish high school by end of this year and could possibly move out. And my parents want to sell my childhood home and travel. And of course I want the best for my family I love them so much. I know how selfish it is for me to move out and live my life and just expect them to stay unhappy. But I just can’t help it. I get very upset every time I think about it. No matter what I do I can’t come to terms with my childhood finally ending and not having that sense of familiarity. when I finish uni at the end of this year, where do I go? What do I do if my family and house is gone. I’ll be all by myself and I know once these changes are made, it’s never coming back. The life I currently know and love is slipping from my hands and I will never be able to experience this routine and comfort again. Sure there will be a new normal for me. But right now I don’t want it. I want things to stay as they are. I can’t stand the thought. I’m sorry for the selfishness. I am one again crying as I write on this website haha. If anyone had anyway of comforting these thoughts and coming to term with this I would really appreciate it. It just feels like it’s already gone..
You're being hard on yourself. You're young and you still have deep ties to the home you grew up in, one that also overflows with happy memories. Your emotions seem normal to me, not selfish. Look on the bright side - you have extra incentive now to move your life forward. Many people your age - and much older, sadly - are struggling economically and still living with their parents. (Either they never moved out, or they moved back in to save money.) It won't be easy, but if you can learn to put a roof over your own head while still in university, you will gain an important skill, one that will serve you well throughout your life. One item of advice- if there are objects from childhood that you are particularly attached to - and difficult or expensive to replace - do what you can to save them. As long as you choose well, years from now you'll be glad you did (trust me, being in my 50s I know from personal experience!) You can't keep everything, so give preference to the things that are easiest to carry/store. Last thought - I'm *not* judging you, but just providing a little context. Alot of young people come here posting stories about their unhappy family lives, and about how desperate they are to leave, but cannot. By comparison you're quite lucky to have such loving relations with your parents. It's just something to reflect on in case you feel your impending loss is overwhelming you. Good luck.
Hello! Thank you so much for the reply, I’ll definitely start considering what items I can save for when the time comes And thank you for the last comment. I understand the fortunate position I am in and now I am in a clearer mindset after sleeping I am sorry to anyone I might of hurt by writing this, particularly on this website. I think I just needed somewhere to get it out and didn’t know where else to go haha. I will delete this post when I get home from work as I am feeling better now and don’t want to cause any pain to other members in this website by leaving it up. But again thank you for the insight I needed to near it!! ) I hope you have an amazing day and again, thank you so much for the response!!
Honestly I would feel the same way. I get the impression we're similar people in this regard. I was so scared moving out and even the idea of my friends moving away is horrible because they are my home to me, I don't want things to change with the people I love, I don't want them to go where I can't visit them. That being said, as scary as it is, it'll be okay. Things aren't going to fall apart and cliché as it is you are stronger than you think. Even if the life you're comfortable in and used to isn't quite the same the people you love are still there, and keeping in contact with them isn't impossible. Again I know it feels scary but you're going to be okay. There's plenty of things that will still be there for you (favourite movies, friends, hobbies you love, favourite foods, yourself as a person) and new things to learn to love just as much. You can do this, I believe in you!
It's definitely not selfish to feel this way: it's so refreshing to hear about someone who has a good relationship with their family, someone who is so close to them and has strong ties to home. What you're experiencing is a completely healthy, normal part of growing up--growing pains. It's not unusual to want things to stay the way they once were, to have that sense of security and belonging for just a little bit longer before you have to become entirely responsible for yourself. If you can, work part-time and save up as much as you can. Is there any affordable/subsidized housing specifically for students near your university? It's worth looking into, if you've been living on campus during the school year. And don't be afraid to discuss these things with your family, too! I can't imagine a close family like yours would leave you high and dry before embarking on their own adventures.
