Hyperanxious about gender identity

I would argue that it probably does. It suggests that you really wish that you had just been given the wrong body. You want it, but transition seems difficult/scary/whatever. Again, we can't decide for you, but I know for a fact I was in that position where I would have happily changed with a potion long before I accepted where I was.

I think the key thing for you to decide is if transitioning is something you need. Don't worry about if you are or are not trans (this seems a bit backward but bare with me).

Do you feel like you need to change. Do you think your life would improve if you transitioned? It's a slow process, the initial stages can be quick, but it's a long time before you get to where we want to be. Would you feel better? Have these thoughts ever occurred to you before?

Transitioning is hard work. Frankly, it shouldn't be, but it is. There are so many emotions to deal with, not all your own. It's hard. If you think it's worth going through it, it's definitely worth it, if you are able to live without - and by 'able' I mean you would be just as happy NOT doing it as you would if you did - then I wouldn't. But it's something you perhaps need to think about and maybe experiment with.

 

Jan91 stop panicking. I was like this a few months back and it won't help.

 

I think I'm just going to see what happens when I get to gender therapy. I definitely have gender dysphoria but I seem to be lacking the desire to become a man. I just have this feeling of 'fakeness' I can't describe. I don't even know who I am anymore. My thoughts and feelings shift from one day to the next, so do my ambitions in life, my personal beliefs and my interests, my feelings for other people. This all began when I started getting these trans feelings :icon_sad: For example, part of me knows that I've never liked sports yet the part of me that thinks I am transman tells me this will change as I transition to become male. I also get this feeling I won't want my current friendships when I transition because I'll be a different person. It's as though it's not just about physically changing but a whole personality transplant :icon_sad: I just want to find out who the real me is

 

Sorry to be tardy to the party. That feeling of 'fakeness', it's something I've experienced before. In one moment you can be happy with your body and you don't want to change. Some days it's a stab in the face to look in the mirror, and the next your fixing up your hair happy as can be. But then ask yourself this.

How many times can you be mad at yourself before you start just not caring? I mean, eventually, for your own sanity, you can't be displeased forever. I started accepting the image in the mirror. "Yeah, i look like a girl, but god damn, i am one fine ass gentleman". It doesn't make me fake, it tells me i'm adapting. When your brain and body don't match, it's easy to wobble back and forth.

Best of luck to you, keep on fighting. I know i will.

 

I would hug you for this post, Charlie (*hug*)

 

Bored? A potential occasional cross-dresser?

"I wish I was more muscley or whatever (doesn't everyone!)"

i can honestly say that this was probably the thing that told me more than anything who I am, because I don;t want that at all. I wouldn't mind being thinner, heck I'd love to be able to strut about in a bikini (although it won't happen since i'm FAR too lazy) but I couldn't bare to be a muscular guy...I just hate the idea so much!

 

I think I'll give you another perspective to consider Jan91, because some of the stuff you've said sounds kind of like me. And of course, seeing other options can help you decide who you are.

You said, "So Im happy with male anatomy but sometimes wish I was a woman (very occasionally)... what does this make me?" I had the same thing when I was younger, but with the genders switched. But now I realize that I don't want to physically be a man either. What I wanted was the social ideas that surround a man. What do I mean? Well, certain sexes are expected to act a certain way, and people usually think differently about certain sexes. I'm physically female, and there are many messages associated with femininity that just aren't me. So sometimes, I dreamed of being seen as male, if only so that I could stop being viewed as feminine. I also wanted to be male because males have a lot more options for personality and career choices than women do (well, at least the options that I want). But that's about it. I don't actually want the body of a male. I don't want to be full on masculine either. I just want some of the social freedoms that males can get.

Maybe you could ask yourself something similar. Do you want to be a woman for the body, or for the societal roles surrounding that body? You said you want to be a woman because it is more permissible for them to be submissive. Do you want to change bodies in order for that to happen? Or do you still want to be male bodied and have people be more accepting of your personality?

I hope this perspective is helpful to you, even if you don't identify with it.