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Husband doesn't know what he wants or so he says

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Destiny fate, Jul 21, 2014.

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  1. Destiny fate

    Destiny fate
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    So I have been with my husband for 15 yrs married for 13. About 7 yrs ago I found women's clothing that did not belong to me, at that time he told me he liked to wear women's clothing sometimes. It was a stress relief and made him feel better. He told me he was very much a man and didn't have any inclination to go the other way. Recently he started to go to counseling for his urges to dress up because he didn't like that he did it. The counselor I guess urged him to go with it and let it run wild and he now feels that he is transgender he thinks but he is not sure... I don't understand and I am so very confused. The cross dressing I could've lived with and it wasn't really a huge deal but this a deal breaker for me and I feel like a horrible person telling him I won't stay because I don't want to spend my life with a woman. Now he is going to fight it if it means losing me but its not something that can be won over is it? I am certain it's not... So now I don't know what to do. I am so hurt and I cry all the time but I am trying to be realistic despite the pain I am in. I feel like I have wasted so much of my life. I love my husband and can't imagine life without him but... And then I am so angry and hurt cause the cross dressing was long before he met me and I don't think he has been honest about the rest... And I am rambling
     
    #1 Destiny fate, Jul 21, 2014
  2. bingostring

    bingostring
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    Is there any scope for you to go to joint counselling with him?.
    This sounds a very delicate time and communication, and avoiding mis-communication, is vital if things are to work out well.
     
    #2 bingostring, Jul 21, 2014
  3. Destiny fate

    Destiny fate
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    Possibly.... I am just very confused and seem to be spinning in circles, I am not sure which way is which anymore...
     
    #3 Destiny fate, Jul 21, 2014
  4. KyleCats

    KyleCats
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    I know it's hard to grasp, but take it from someone who lived 30 years simultaneously knowing they were meant to be born a male but not realizing they were transgender - it can happen.

    It's perfectly normal for him to not have known he was trans, if he is indeed trans. It doesn't mean he was lying to you or withholding information from you.

    Also it might turn out he isn't trans at all... it's a long process for some. The counseling should help him with that. It's not possible to run off and transition on a whim. There are restrictions in place.

    Take things slow. Going into counseling with him sounds like a good idea.
     
    #4 KyleCats, Jul 21, 2014
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