How you knew?

I felt uncomfortable around boys my age. They played around and I always felt like my relationship with them was different then their relationships with each other

 

I realized I was bi when I was wrestling with my straight friend and felt a sudden urge to grab his but it just looked so amazing and when I grabbed it I was so turned on but had to hold back because I know he is straight.

 

I had a massive crush on a female teacher at school which started when I was 11 so I guess I kinda knew I felt different.

 

Think I always knew really enjoyed female porn always turned me on found the women sexy wasn't really interested in men. ride:

 

I was in a few "relationships" with girls that had no appeal to me, but I kept telling myself "you'll meet someone better later." Then I noticed the common factor in all of these childish so-called relationships: they were, well, girls.

 

I always knew I was somehow different.
I don't remember a lot of things of my childhood, but I remember being stressed, unhappy and anxious. I couldn't understand why boys could swim without the "top part" of a bikini and girls not. I wanted not only "girl toys", but "boy toys" too. I liked my hair short. I had a lot of male friends and almost none female friends. I didn't know why having a period and big boobs made (make) me so unconfortable.
And then this year came and I started to search more about the trans* community. When I read about FtM men, I just went "holy shiiiiit, I'm trans!". Now I accept who I am and a lot of things from the past are more clear to me

(Sorry for the incessant use of "I"s. I'm too lazy to do proper phases, since my mother tongue is Portuguese )

 

It's hard to say how I knew because it wasn't just one incident that made me figure out my sexuality. It was a series of multiple events that led me down this path and eventually my own self discovery.

I always liked girls. I didn't have an interest in a boy my entire life even though I knew I was supposed to. I always told myself that I was too young to have crushes and that I would eventually start liking boys (which made me really sad as a kid. The teen years sounded awful to me). When I was ten was the first time it even crossed my mind that I could be gay but I ended up pushing it down for the next couple years. I kind of opened myself up to the idea when I realized that I blushed whenever girls that I didn't know well came up to talk to me. At that point, I accepted that I liked girls but I thought that I would end up finding a guy and forget about this phase. However, after an incident about a year later involving a friend of mine, I finally had to fully accept that there was never going to be a man in the picture.

 

I had crushes on men, I get hard when I think of having sex with men. I had (or thought I had) a crush on a girl but it wasn't as intense as crushes on guys. I could notice how cute or hot a guy was without someone pointing him out to me whereas it would take someone to point a girl out to me to make me notice her.

 

I kinda always knew...Every time someone made an anti-gay comment I always felt bad and stressed/depressed... I kissed a guy for the first time when I was like 6 or sth as a game... He's straight but to me it obviously wasn't just a game... Of course I denied it... Throught my teens I always found myself looking for ways to convnce me that I'm not.
When I couldn't deny it any more was about the time I came to study at my university...
I had a huge crush on a guy I saw in the amphitheaters and after a loooooooot of soul searching, I came to terms with it...
But looking back now,I always knew and tried to deny it...
Plus I hadn't watched any straight porn for like 4 years(since I found my first gay porn video that is) Only did when I wanted to tell myself I was straight

 

I remember checking out a girl when I was about ten, thinking she was cute. Eighteen years later and it finally sunk in what it meant, lol.

Seriously though, in the mean time there were plenty of clues that seem really obvious in hindsight. I pretty much even thought about the fact I was bi but simultaneously didn't accept it. It's hard to explain because it sounds ridiculous! I know what held me back though - I had an impression of what being 'bi' meant, and it just didn't fit in with my identity. But now I've realised that I'm still me, and bi is just a label.

Not sure how I realised properly this year. I remember spending an afternoon looking up coming out stories online and crying my eyes out. But I don't know what triggered me looking up the stories in the first place. Maybe all the fantasies I was having about women, lol.

 

Girls caught my eye. Guys didnt. Simple as. Then I realised I could only picture myself with a girl in the long term. I never 'always' knew though, unlikely some people on here. Yes, I appreciated the female body, but it was never anything more, until I hit puberty.

 

When I was around 12 I noticed that I found guys really attractive and had crushes on them. In PE I would always check the guys I like out. I've never been interested in girls.

 

The ideas of boys having coodies never left, and while I was saving myself for marriage, I never had any urge to date a boy (this not-dating guys thing was quite easy in my opinion!).... Then I got a massive crush on a girl and my world came crumbling down (but I've built it back up ! )

 

Last fall I was mentally harassed because a girl thought I was a lesbian. After that I seriously began to notice that I wasn't the same as the other girls my age, And one day I looked into the eyes of the most beautiful girl I have ever met. From that point on I knew I wasn't straight. The problem was I didn't know what I am. I knew one thing for sure I wasn't bi. I tried to be straight and it hurt tremendously. I tried to be gay (I wanted to be gay!) but everyday I went home crying to terrified to speak to anyone because, I didn't know how they would treat me. It wasn't till late spring of the new year that I came across E.C.. After one week I felt better than I had in a long time, and through the trillions of questions I asked I came across the term Pansexual, and ever since I knew who I was.

 

I guess I always knew I was different to other lads my age. Of course I had no idea what it was when I was younger. It wasn't until I was about 15 and after many years of denial that I realised that I was not attracted to girls in the slightest. Sure, I could recognise a pretty girl when I saw one. But there was no emotional or sexual feelings that. That I got towards guys. And after forming numerous relationships with girls. It did nothing but clarify this for me. I think I accepted it when I was about 17 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. But once I realised and came to terms with it. Everything started to click into place and everything seemed to make sense.

 

I didn't really find out until this year. I started developing a crush on my female friend around my sophomore year of high school and finally acknowledged it my senior year of high school. In retrospect it was REALLY obvious.

 

That is not so much a trusteable sign as i begun feeling attraction to woman at early 13, i didnt understand what was all the fuzz with sex, or what the F was masturbation about. I was kind of asexual till 13...then Booom!

But if along what you mentioned you already had attraction to guys, well then that is a sign.

 

There has been lots of moments I buried straight away, I think, when I could have just faced my true self instead of running away. These were there most 'revealing' when I look back - and it hurts and help (Quite weird feeling there) me to admit it, really.

While everyone is just being such a fan of Chad Michael Murray while One Tree Hill was on TV, I was just there "Chad who ? What, do I have to pick between him and Nathan ? Wait, aemh,..." When secretly, deeply, I just thought Willow (from Buffy, yeah, about these days) was f*cking hot, and so was Alyssa Milano in Charmed. Yeah, not ashamed at all, actually.

And then, the dressing. And the people and me feeling awkward.
Seriously - all these times people tried to taught me how to act girly. And wear less shirts. And wear more make up. I mean, why ? For whom ? For the guys, right, you wanna look pretty for guys, ... Did I ? Aemh...

Because, oh, they'd pick on me and they'd submit me guys and I'd be like "Yes, I admit he's sexy" Because, they were. I can admit something that is aesthetical, but, soz, never wanted their body, not ever once I had a strong honest mindblowing pull towards men, nope

And then everyone wants to marry a guy, and I'm like: No, hell, just, I don't want to get married ever, and I don't want kids you get me ? Truth is, I never could see myself with a 'regular' family life, that's all.

And then, maybe, the fact that I could only ever get close to girls. Only to girls I can open up, I can befriend with; the alchemy doesn't spark between me and men, again.
And then, to be honest, the only guy I ever loved has such a girly behaviour, really - he was sweet, he cried a lot, he hugged a lot, and he kissed loads, and absolutely not a 'true male figure'...

No, seriously, I think I'm a lesbian, actually. That's just there.
Although I can't seem to accept it; it'd be so simple, though

 

There were always lots of signs. I'd always have one friend that was a girl that I was really close to, then something would happen and we'd have a very break-up like ending to our relationship. I always just assumed I was "normal." I've always looked at girls, but didn't admit it to myself until I started going doing college classes about a year ago (dual credit) that I couldn't deny it anymore. There's just so many adorable girls around campus! Then I realized that guys did not excite me in any way, whereas I'm extremely attracted to a girl my age. The more I think about being with a girl, the more right it feels. Plus, there's the fact that I hang out with guys all the time, and tend to relate better to them than to most girls my age (specifically the girly ones). Wow, it's just so obvious typing it out like this. I didn't even realize.