How to stop feeling regretful of the choices/mistakes you made in your life?

I have future plans and ambitions, but I try to live one day, one week at a time, not thinking about what's ahead and what's behind. I think back on the past sometimes but I try not to regret anything. Of course I would do a lot of things differently if I could, but I can't. No one can, so what's the use in dwelling?
I've been described as "the chillest, most-zen guy I know" by many. I don't know how I got to this point, but I do yoga and try to eat healthy and sleep enough, although I've had troubles with the last one lately.

 

You will make poorer choices and bigger mistakes in the future that will make the choices/mistakes of today pale in comparison.

 

My advice is actually the opposite of what most people here are saying. I would say you should not try to stop feeling regretful. The feeling of regret is you telling yourself that you should have behaved in a way that you feel would have been more beneficial to you. So why would you want to stop listening to that part of you that is being introspective and learning from life?

So for example I regret spending too much time with people who were not very good friends, and the regret hurts, but it is also a constant reminder to me that I should value the genuinely nice people and learn to recognize people who I should not associate with so that I don't waste more of my life with people who don't care.

 

First off, thanks for starting this thread teluphone! Sorry I'm a bit late...

My biggest vice is constantly looking back and thinking what if. Finally at 25, which to me felt so old to figuring things out, I decided to accept reality. The past is, unfortunately, permanent/unchangeable. And that sucks. I used to hate the phrase "Today is the first day of the rest of your lives." It was so stupid growing up because I felt like I had the whole world in front of me. As time went on, I realized that every day is filled with change. We unknowingly accept that change...I mean, if we knew about all of the changes we are making in our lives every day, we would probably become hermits.

But I'm trying my damndest to look forward...doesn't work all the time, but at least I can see a bit better. Let me know when you find a way to forget/accept/forgive the past!

 

One thing that has helped me is the realization that just because it didn't happen, doesn't mean it would have been a good thing. Regret, really, is looking back at the decisions we've made, and assuming that we made the wrong ones. That's not necessarily the case. My decision to stay in the closet years ago has caused me plenty of angst and missed chances over the years. It also helped my wife get away from an abusive ex who might well have killed her, and resulted in 2 wonderful kids who would not have existed if we had not gotten together.

Life is choices, day by day, some good and some bad. We learn, and we move ahead. Walk down the street looking behind you and you could walk into a wall or a busy street, or step on someone's dog. You could also miss something wonderful right in front of you.

 

Because it's retrospective, and it's counterproductive. If you want to be introspective you need to stop beating yourself down over past mistakes and focus on change.
You can only act in the present, and walking towards the future looking backwards will only make you trip again.

oops thought my analogy was clever but it's almost the same one as above. I don't regret it though!

 

I don't think regret is automatically a beat down you are imposing on yourself. Just like how you could be in love with someone unattainable like a celebrity and that infatuation consumes you in an unhealthy way, you can also love a partner or friend in a healthy way. So any emotion can be taken to an extreme and become unhealthy. Regret is unhealthy to some because they take it to an extreme. If tempered with other emotions and used in a positive way I think it can ultimately be a good thing.

 

Accept that what has happened has happened, and it cannot be changed. You just have to make the best of how things are at the moment, and not wallow in your past mistake.